Aibu and an ungrateful cow?

Her age is slightly irrelevant I think. People are diagnosed with dementia younger than her. We think mum had dementia for a number of years before it really began to show.

She sounds like a tight arse.

Its not really usual to give someone out of date tins, tinned meat and used toiletries as a Christmas treat is it?

You're not wrong. It's almost unbelievable.

Can you just say no gifts going forward? I don’t buy for anyone outside of dh and young children and I don’t get unwanted shite

sounds like she falls apart over christmas shopping
that is understandable

Do you and your DH receive separate Christmas presents from your MIL in addition to this hamper?

If your PILs are very well off, preparing a Christmas hamper with all the out of date stuff from her house that she doesn't think is good enough for her and your FIL to eat is quite mean and insulting.

Every birthday / Christmas my husband’s sister gives him just cook boxes that are 2-4 years out of date. We never say anything just throw them away, it does upset him a little though. Another year she gave him a ladies perfume. I won the regifting lottery one year when I got a Liz Earle gift set worth about £50, I don’t think she realised 🤣

Look either your DH says something or you take control if he won’t. I’m sure if he’s being a effing coward you can think of an excuse to break tradition.

Can still get dementia in your 69s though. It's the most rational explanation unless the year before this started you said something mean about her abd her hamper in her earshot.

Hmmmmm it comes across as cost saving to me… regardless of perceived wealth or cost saving for whatever reason even if they are well-Off

Your DH needs to speak to her about it and just be completely frank. “Mum. These hampers have been getting stranger every year - we really don’t need a pile of tinned food, we can buy our own so please don’t do one this year”

Christmas only coming round once a year might be a factor; if she is beginning to drift, weekly events will be more ingrained and carry on automatically.
I know this sounds bizarre, but when my late DM began to deteriorate mentally, it was the Christmas traditions which didn't quite come off that first rang warning bells for me.
She was a civil servant before she retired, ran a tight ship at work, and was totally on top of things like Christmas posting dates, but in the aftermath of her passing, several of her friends commented that they had first wondered if something was amiss when they didn't get a Christmas card.

Maybe ask where she’s getting her hampers as it’s all been way past use by date, and you don’t want her to be embarrassed, or think you’re ungrateful, but you’ve had to throw it all out.

If she left it in her porch to be collected, is there any chance someone else could have nabbed bits and replaced with out of date stuff? Just putting it as a possibility.

That was my first thought. My mum wrapped cheese in Christmas paper and delivered it 3 weeks before. Wasn’t pretty when we opened it on Christmas morning.

Id put it in a wardrobe in a spare room so hadn’t noticed the smell.

My nan started giving really weird christmas presents as she got older. Really bizarre stuff.

• giant musical wind up ceramic carousel
• hair brush set that looked second hand
• violin themed tea cup and saucer (noone plays the violin)
• mug with my name spelled wrong
• cheap compact mirror, clearly second hand, used and old fashioned style.
• ceramic wesh lady traditional dress figurine

Before the bizarre present stage she used to buy me nice jewelry.
Then for some reason I had ten years of random presents. Tbh I still have most of them and treasure them.

To be honest, I'd gift it right back or simply leave behind. If nothing wrong with MIL, then it is coming over as a bit rude.

My MIL went weird with Xmas gifts in the early days of her vascular dementia & Alzheimer's starting, does she have any other out of character odd things starting?

Dementia??

I'd also suggest deteriorating health, if not dementia or something neurological, then perhaps her mental health?

I had a friend that used to buy me all kinds of random crap for Christmas. I don't think she meant it maliciously but she did have mental health problems and I think she believed that giving me lots of "stuff" demonstrated her friendship, without actually considering if it was stuff I would actually want. Maybe your MIL is struggling to maintain relationships and feel/show appreciation and so believes that quantity over quality is what demonstrates this?

Then I think your husband should speak to her about it

I would approach by FIL saying that the items in last year's hamper were out of date by 3 years and the bottles were half full. You are concerned about her using that was out of date food? Or perhaps, it a mistake and MIL had a clear out and thrown out the wrong items?

I am not averse to a bit of re-gifting, but only if the item is unused, with tags, in original packing (whatever is applicable). I would not be happy having to appear grateful for our of date basics items.

Suggest they buying for the children. You can get them a token gift from the children.

I agree with this, neurological conditions aren’t always apparent to begin with.

OP, does your DH have any siblings, or is it just you that MIL makes a hamper for? If there’s someone else, you could compare notes and see what they think. It’s very definitely odd behaviour - and I really would have got DH to point out the three year old thing. Could DH broach the whole hamper thing and the changes that have happened with FIL at all?