Family doesn't know how to have conversations

Would it be better to meet up somewhere that prompts conversation, maybe? I always find conversation much easier if you're out and about somewhere and can talk about what's going on.

I too have family like this. I manage by lowering my expectations and not expecting anything at all of them. Also, try not to invite them to very much. One moves on, finds people more in tune with you, stops caring about family when they're like this. It's sad but they can't change.

I have just about nothing in common with my sister. We both know it and only communicate when it's necessary, which is almost never. You don't have to maintain discourse with your family members if it's hard work.

My mother's only mode of conversation is asking questions, not sure that I wouldn't prefer your mother's!

Do they spend a lot of time alone? Conversation is an art and takes practice

Honestly, I think significant numbers of peiole are like this. My octogenarian father, who is almost certainly autistic, gets up and leaves the room as soon as any of his adult children arrive on a visit. When he and my mother visited me at my house last weekend, we were walking around the garden just after they arrived (I’m having work done), and after a minute he just walked away into the house by himself. My mother, if asked about herself, will monologue endlessly about a car accident that was on the news, or the death of someone she once had a passing conversation with, while ignoring something serious I actually say about myself. It’s like a conversational wall called ‘other people’s problems’.

i do talk to my 13 year old about how this isn’t normal, though, but that they’re not going to change in their 80s. His other grandparents aren’t any more conversational or attuned to him or theur children. DH’s father has dementia and his mother only utters mildly disparaging platitudes or talks about sport.

I might be shot down for this, but I think a lot of people have an expectation that family have to be close and have to enjoy each others' company, whereas in reality, you're no more likely to get along with them than you are with a random stranger.

There's also no need to force your children into spending time with people just because they're related to you. My extended family have always lived overseas and we've never been close - it's honestly not a problem and I don't feel as though I've missed out on anything.

My family are the same and it's very wearing. There's conversational noise but no substance. Endless monologues about what housework has been done, that they put the bins out, that they'd spoken to the neighbour very briefly etc etc. I love them dearly but it's driving me bonkers. They know nothing about me, don't listen if I tell them something, and if I ask them questions they gloss over them and don't answer.

My children also find it hard. My family still treat them like they're tiny and don't seen interested in who they are now. It's like once they've established a narrative it can't be changed. They hold a lot of incorrect negative assumptions about me. Nothing I have tried to improve things has made any difference.

It's all very sad really.

Oh yes mine doesn't say hello really, she just kind of barges in the house or gets in the car and starts talking at me. Last Christmas she came in, we (husband daughter and my father in law) were in the kitchen and she came in and probably spoke at me (there will have been a job she wanted me to do) for quite a few minutes before she even realised my FIL was there and then she acts surprised like he has been deliberately hiding.

Yes, my family is exactly like that.
I think it's lazy and rude*. There is an acceptance that you will come to see them because they are family and they don't therefore need to make any effort.
Do you have a good enough relationship to bring it up? If you don't, I guess that in itself is some sort of explanation.

*My mother went over 10 years without managing to say both hello and goodbye to everyone on any single visit. She only broke the streak because I did raise her lack of conversation and used this as an example of something that really wasn't difficult but she still couldn't be bothered to do. She told me I was selfish to expect her to behave in a certain way, but from then onwards made a point of saying hello and good bye in a very pointed voice. She didn't make any other effort, however.

I think just because you are related to someone doesn't mean you've anything in common. My mum asks the occasional question but then immediately talks over you, like asking the question means job done and you don't need to listen to the answer. She just likes terminating cliches as well so no way to have a conversation. Spend less time with them is the only answer.

@lovesT could well be....my dad tells me all about his social life. If I try and say what I have been up to he just carries on 😵‍💫

It sounds like you just don't have much in common.

I have the same problem with my elderly father. One sided conversation mainly. Also with my cousin's....gets really really really really annoying

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