To not want my mother in law to stay every month

This would massively grate on me too. I totally understand how you feel because it feels unjust to have negative feelings toward a nice person but I think it’s normal to find your partners family a little grating sometimes. Having to deal with their family dynamics can be hard. She is also really taking the mick here. I’m afraid your husband is going to have to step up and create a boundary here. You have to speak to him,
a partnership is about having these tough conversations sometimes, if you do nothing all that will happen is resentment will build and you will feel more and more annoyed.

OP, did you speak to your husband?

Why don’t you start making plans on the weekend she’s due and leave him to entertain her? Maybe if you saw less of her over the visit it would annoy you less

@Autumnspicecandleleaves Could you mention to her that you're struggling to host her so often? Would she take the hint?

I got what I eat when my mum came three hours on a coach , her husband little worm! Asked have you got brown bread? No because I don't eat it? Have I got brown sauce? No because I don't use it? Have you got beer? No we only drink lager! Have you got weetabix? No we only eat shreddies! It's my house not a restaurant was my answer! If you want your choice bring it! Say that to your MIL it's your house if she wants to eat out go out! Want different food bring it! Reduce availability gradually she might not come if you stop being accommodating.

Could you not suggest alternative months and then you could go to hers for tea and treats 6 times out of 12

When does your mum come over OP? Can you go stay with her when MiL comes over? Seems unfair that it’s only his mum getting all the perks!

I wouldn’t have a big conversation about it as he is close to him mum and like you say she has been very good to him.

What I would do is suggest that you get involved on the main day of the weekend she is there but then give them some ‘time together’. Could you mix it up a bit and go to the pictures together or something that you want to do too.

Then I would plan something perhaps every other month that you have on and maybe her could go to her and try to get it to every other month.

I know some people are saying it’s a lot but I have my MIL round twice a week and she comes on holiday with us twice a year (that’s a lot):-)

Although you don't want to upset DH, I do think you should talk about this because it's bothering you. It's only right that he takes turns and goes to see his mum on his own every other month imo. Eating out every month is a luxury, am pretty sure that I'd love it too though if someone else was paying!

Once a month comes around really quickly doesn’t it.

I hope your DP can be reasonable.

Is there a fil? My mum would have liked to push herself on my life like this but I wouldn't allow it. It sounds too enmeshed, it is not unreasonable to reduce the monthly freeloading, husband can go to her. As pp have said stop being available and so amenable. Mil sounds extremely selfish.

I feel abit different about this to some others. I’d be ok with it as its once a month and they/you are close. However, I’d bring up paying for the meal as that’s a monthly cost I’m sure you’d rather not pay and ask her to contribute. I’d also have normal things around for her to eat at home rather than getting in special things. So I’d be ok with it, but set some boundaries.

Stop going out when she comes and tell her you’re cutting back. Tell her you are having to budget as things are tight

Next time she comes go out with your friends and let Dh look after his mum

Do you think she runs out of money at the end of the month, rather than wanting to see you all?

If it isn't so much the money it costs taking her out but also that it is a burden having her, try sending her a hamper towards the end of the month and see what happens. It could work out a little cheaper.

What a weird lady, she’s taking over your time and space and wants to be treated. Very off putting. Tell your husband to go visit her. You can’t be the hand maiden to madame every month anymore and your done. How ungrateful too for just taking and not showing ant gratitude at all. Greedy witch

Why are you scared of having this conversation with your DH?

He needs to see her in her home more frequently.

She saving on heating/lighting and food for 3-4 days every month, and in addition being waited on hand and foot by the sound of it, however I agree rather than trying to stop visits it might be more diplomatic to suggest you alternate visits.

I am guessing that this must be cultural expectations, otherwise why would you put up with it? I live an hour away from one of my children. It is a day trip not a weekend visit.You don’t have to put up with it. You need to speak to your husband. If your husband is unwilling to stop her staying so often then you go out when she comes and don’t go out of your way to buy things she likes to eat. I also think she should pay when you go out. If we stay with anyone, we always pay to take them out for a nice meal as a thank you for staying.

She's setting the scene for gradually moving in on you when she can no longer cope in her own house.

An hour away isn't even that far really, it certainly doesn't warrant unwanted 3/4 night stays a month.
I would suggest to your hubby that she can stay a weekend every 3 months and in the mean time it's a visit for a few hours.
Next time she stays, make it less enjoyable for her.

Apologies if your DMum is not around but ...
What about your mother? When does she come for a long weekend? How does your DH entertain her?
My DMum lives overseas so we are not able to host her on a weekend. Talk to your DH about spacing these every 6 weeks (to coincide with school holidays or not).

When your DH's mum comes to visit, turn that to your advantage - if she's eating her favourite foods, leave her home with your DCs so you and DH can have some 'couple time'. If you're taking her out to dinner, bring home leftovers so that the next night she can eat these whilst you and DH have 'couple time'. Your DH can tell her how much he values time to reconnect with you b/c she is looking after the DCs...

The OP isn't particularly well off, yet every month the cost of wining and dining her comfortably off MIL comes out of what they have.

If she is that fab a mother, let him visit her and let him spent from his disposal income.

One weekend in 4, to expect to be put up every month is completely unreasonable and excessive.

Going to visit his mother would solve this.
I think it indicates something not right with a marriage to feel you can't say that one weekend in 4 is simply too much.

I think he sounds extremely presumptuous to expect this to be ok, a bit like his mother actually.

I would be most concern that you feel you have to tread carefully.
Does not bode well at all for your relationship.
Beware of huge resentment in a relationship where you have to suck up too much and tread carefully around a partner.

100% agree with her visting every second months and your DH visiting her on the alternate ones.

It's far too often to stay 3 days every month. I'd be dreading it.

Opened this thread with some trepidation, because I stay with DS and DIL often…

But, they live abroad; I pay for meals when we go out; I look after my grandson so they can have time as a couple.

Your MIL maybe doesn’t understand that it’s costing you extra for her to stay. Is the money the main source of irritation for you? If it is, talk it through with your husband. If they have a close relationship, she may be upset to think that may be the case.

Could your DH suggest that you don’t go out because you can’t really afford it? It’ll mean he has to cook for her (his mum after all!), but she may start to realise that her visits aren’t cheap for you.