To not want my mother in law to stay every month

I'd be wary of having children with such a mommy's boy. You've not really said how she's been such an amazing mum. I mean, surely when you become a parent, your kids are your focus? Would i be right in assuming your DH is an only child?

Exactly

You sound normal.
Her MIL is not.
She's taking the piss and mean.
Many people travel to work for an hour.
I really hope the OP wakes up to what her future could be like, not good.
This is a MIL with no shame.

I would be mortified if my parent was so mean and imposed on us for 4 nights a month.

Why isn't he mortified?

She's taking advantage
I wouldn't dream of letting my adult children pay for a single thing for me
I'd be arriving with tons of food and paying for everything.
Plus id not impose every month either

That’s a great update @Autumnspicecandleleaves

How has MIL reacted to this?

Good to see an update and that it had positive outcome. Well done OP

I get you OP. It’s the repetitive frequency that drives you crazy. Like it’s a scheduled event that you don’t look forward to and it looks ahead of you every month. It would be better if it were more sporadic and spontaneous but when it’s this set date every month it becomes an obligation and duty.

Great update OP!! Well done and I’m glad you feel better 💐

@Autumnspicecandleleavesgood outcome !

Sweet that they've maintained that relationship. My DH and MIL are really close and I'd hope for the same relationship with my son. My MIL has the odd moment of grating but is amazing and so generous with her time and energy.

I do sympathise though, when I've had to bring up the odd thing that's got to me, DH starts out defensive. He always supports me, and encourages me to speak to him about anything but I'm quite conflict averse anyway.

Can you talk to your DH and say look I love your mum but it has been feeling like a lot, could we make some small changes? Could you go visit her for a weekend instead? Could you (OP) be busy one weekend, maybe be there for one Friday night then go stay with a friend? Could you both be away for one weekend one month and leave it two months to the next one? Make one visit less time eg just Saturday to Sunday?

Do you ever go and visit her especially as she's just an hour away?

But do you work? If so is he really donating your spare earrings to entertaining her as well as his own? If so, split the extra money and he can entertain and shop for his mum out of his, you will instantly feel better. He will be poor perhaps, but he thinks that’s worth it when it’s both your money so presumably he will still think it’s worth it when it’s just his. Or maybe not…

That's a great update. Well done for talking to him, glad he responded in a good way. Every month would drain me too! Better to go visit her so it's just a few hours and perhaps a take away! Save her visits for Christmas!

I was in a similar situation. Mil was coming every 4-5 weeks, also Friday to Monday. Our relationship was brilliant pre-kids. Then it broke. She just changed (though dh said she just reverted to how she was when he was growing up). I won't go into it all, she's not a bad person but the comments, digs, the fact when she was here was extra work instead of help, my last straw finally broke last Christmas and I said I've had enough and need some distance. We now have 2-3 months between visits and it's been going much better. Less tension, less arguments. I think mil wasn't happy at first but she has accepted it and has also taken a step back now. As I said, it has improved things.
Every month is too month, op, and you're allowed to change it.

A great outcome op. He can still go and see her but there’s no need for her to visit so frequently. Job done!

I agree @WhatWouldRoyKentSay, I think it’s very healthy to spend time with your parent(s) without your partner.

That's a great update, OP. Just make sure he doesn't blame you to her when she inevitably asks why she's being invited less often.

Stop getting in all her favourite things… or buy Aldi’s own… tell her you can’t afford to buy extra food and she’s welcome to bring her own if there is anything else she’d like to eat while staying….’
Don’t eat out… you and DH need to say ‘sorry we can’t afford to eat out every-time you come down’….

if it were me and I liked my MIL I’d be welcoming her on te terms she paid for the meal out… and ate what we eat indoors.

Because DIL buys all her favourite things and makes her stay quite lovely

That’s a great ending. I’m really happy for you and sounds like you have a keeper. Good luck

That's a very positive update, OP. Best wishes to all of you.

Aww, that's a nice update @Autumnspicecandleleaves

I think it's good for my husband to spend time alone with his mum, or at least without me, and encourage him to spend either time alone with her or with some/all of his siblings. You say your husband adores his mother so they'd probably love that time together and I imagine the conversations would be quite different. I know when my husband sees his mum without me they talk about a whole lot of stuff that the three of us would never chat about.

Thank you for the update, OP!
Sounds like a good solution for all of you.

I always wonder how these arrangements come about on mumsnet where I think I wouldn't even do that once let alone every month.

Why is someone who lives an hour away staying for 3-4 nights. Most people's commute is around a hour, that they, y'know, do every day.

You're going to have to grow a pair and point out how weird and unnecessary this is. The visits and the meals out are both absolutely barmy, I don't know where to start.