Friend keeps dragging up the past

I'd be inclined to say to her as son as she arrives "I know every time you see us you bring up the incident where I got drunk 30 years ago, so would you like to discuss it now, so that we can get it over and done with and carry on the rest of our weekend in peace?"

Hopefully that will embarrass her sufficiently.

@scotchpotch

I wonder if this could resonate?

Unsure if you'd think of her as a narcissist though?

Have some strong gaffer tape handy and advice that you will use if to tape her mouth shut if she dares to bring up something that happened 30 years ago.

Or just tell her to stop being a dick.

Also friends don't behave like this.

This.

I'd think that she didn't like me to keep doing this.

That's awful behaviour, if she's been repeatedly asked not to mention it and that it's old news and hurtful.

I would quite literally write down, on a piece of paper, your bets on when she will bring it up - for example, Saturday before 9pm or Sunday after lunch. Make it a written £10 wager. Or better still, write the bet that one of you says she WOULDN'T mention it as she's been told how hurtful you find it, where the other said she definitely would. Then just tuck away the paper in your pocket.

If she doesn't mention it, perfect. But if (and when) she does, you can whip it out and say "I told you it's be the first evening, pay up" or "oh look, I was right, I knew she didn't listen last time" and physically hand over a pre-planned £10 note.

If nothing else, it will cement it in her mind for next time!

Yep, only problem with this though, is that the OP has already told her friend to stop bringing it up. But yeah, she needs to be proper arsey with this so called 'friend.' Warn her that the friendship is over if she persists.

You need to message her before you next meet up and tell her that you are sick to death of her bringing it up and that if she ever mentions it again, it will be the last time she ever hears from you.

She isn't your friend.

She is not a friend @scotchpotch She is an arsehole, who is bringing you down and negging you.

Anyone who brings up anything from more than a decade ago, to try and bring someone down, and make them feel bad or mock them and get cheap laughs out of them, (or turn people against them/make people think ill of them) is a nasty piece of shit.

Start giving her a wide berth. She is NOT a good person.

She's using the incident as a stick to beat you. I wouldn't consider her a friend.

She's trying to cause issues in your relationship. She's not a friend IMO.

Call her before your next meeting and say when she brings up the argument from ages ago it upsets you so she is not to bring it up again.

If she brings it up again, youll leave her house/ ask her to leave your house.

But then you have to follow through and actually leave if/ when she says it!

Shell get the point if you repeat this. If she doesnt get it even after you ending a meet up then it’s goodbye.

So then you say I assume "why are you still talking about this when I've asked you to stop"?

"friend" - supposedly meant to add joy to existence not drain it - you do not need to be subtle in how you handle this or walk on eggshells - ditch her - if she asks why tell her the constant mention of a silly but regrettable situation 30 years ago is no longer funny, relevant or appropriate.

I’d suggest going further than asking her to stop. How about trying to talk about the reasons she brings it up, turning it back on her.
”So, you’re bringing this up yet again despite being asked not to by both me and DH?. I’m curious why you feel the need to do this. Are you unsure about what happened, as we can explain ONE LAST TIME. Or are you trying to belittle me for some reason? What is causing you to be so rude/ cruel/dismissive of our feelings/past friendship?”

Sadly the reality is she’s not a friend. This behaviour is not what friends do. I’d let this ‘friendship’ slide tbh, I just CBA with her silliness.

I assume that she is lonely and doesn't have many friends because she isn't a nice person and isn't good company. You need to stop seeing/inviting her as she is deliberately trying to cause trouble and upset you. She isn't a real friend at all. You have asked her to stop and she won't so you are perfectly reasonable in withdrawing from this friendship.

I think the nuclear option would be:
Friend: haha do you remember 30 years ago when you thought your husband was cheating on you and you got all emotional on new years eve?"
OP: HAHA yes that's so funny, do you remember that time your husband DIED.

Of course OP, don't do as I would do.

Just cut this friend off. They're not a friend. They're horrifically jealous of the fact that you have a husband and you're together and they can't respect your boundaries.

People can only disrespect your boundaries if you let them.

This is giving me strong shades of Arthur 'Two Sheds' Jackson here!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=HLjS3gzHetA&pp=ygUYYXJ0aHVyIHR3byBzaGVkcyBqYWNrc29u

When she brings it up explain very clearly that she brings it up every single time yous see her. It makes you embarrassed and uncomfortable. Tell her to not do it again. If she does the next time, literally just get up and leave. Don't talk to her again.

"You mention this every time we get together, and it's something that happened 30 years ago. Do you know why you keep doing that? Is there something troubling you in your own life, which makes it such a fixation for you? Just checking everything's ok, because it's quite odd behaviour".

Be ready for it and the second she starts talking about it both of you scrape your chairs back, grab your things and walk out. No explaining, nothing. Just leave.

She knows exactly what she’s doing and has been asked to stop. If that’s not good enough then leave her hanging alone with her behaviour.

Oh no, she sounds horrible! Can you speak to her specifically about this issue in a phone call (it’s too late once it happens)? If she continues to do it or tells you it’s your own fault, you know where you stand. She sounds unpleasant though and you’ve been very tolerant.

Some people live in the past. It’s often because their lives haven’t worked out how they’d hoped, yet instead of taking ownership for making their own happiness, they prefer to bring everyone down to their own level of bitterness.

I imagine she’s not actually a future-focused, joyful person to be around, full stop, irrespective of this particular historical moment?

If so, I wouldn’t personally message her with ‘pls don’t talk about X’ as it’s giving credence to something that the situation isn’t really about. she would just use it as a ‘ha, OP is still really touchy about it, example of why I’m right’, and add another way to bring you down.

Real friends don’t do this - and you can choose to limit your time with them.

I'd send a text now OP whilst you have support on here.

It would be random and catch her off guard.
The wise ones on here can help you with replies as she'll probably be defensive and play it down.

Something straight to the point and seperate from your usual chats:

Hi TiresomeTina, just thinking, why do you always repeat the x story everytime we meet?

Doesn't sound like she struggles for conversation if you get along well otherwise.

Is it something she thinks bonds you together or something.