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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL took down all my Halloween decorations 😒😒

221 replies

Orchid90 · 01/11/2025 19:09

Just that .
We went out, invited her to come out too , she refused .
Got home and she took down all
the decorations, which I wanted to keep up a bit longer as it’s my house and I like them!
I know , there are bigger problems in the world , but I’m annoyed and had to tell someone .
I would never clear up anyone’s house without their permission .
she made it clear she didn’t like them and I guess they triggered her OCD .
I am gonna have a very very dark gothic Xmas this year, I always wanted a black tree anyway.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/11/2025 10:42

She walks all over you because you accept that's Her Way.
Insane.

MissDoubleU · 02/11/2025 10:42

verycloakanddaggers · 02/11/2025 09:58

Loads of people who definitely would get diagnosed never seek a diagnosis.

They have OCD with or without the formal diagnosis.

Same with every other physical or mental health condition.

Show quote history

OCD is not the need to have things tidy and “just right” and getting stressed if they are not. That’s much more an ASD trait. OCD is when you have to perform a repetitive action or thought in order to halt the anxiety brought on by deeply upsetting intrusive thoughts. Ie - My family will die/get sick if I don’t do X or am I a terrible person unless I Y. There is imminent danger/an infestation I must manage with Z actions.

It’s a completely debilitating mental health condition. Not a personality quirk.

GladFatball · 02/11/2025 10:41

I have diagnosed OCD. A lot of people get angry at the way it is used as an adjective to describe tidy people, and I agree that it does trivialise what is a horrendously debilitating condition.

However, I've noticed a few fellow sufferers terming the kind of OCD that leads to obsessive tidiness as 'the good kind', which actually really trivialises an element of OCD that can be incredibly real and incredibly difficult. My OCD often manifests in wanting to control my environment - if things are messy, this gives me a palpable dread and panic and my brain tells me that I have to tidy now, else a terrible thing will happen. Its a compulsion and its an awful way to live. It really isn't 'the good kind'.

The MIL may have undiagnosed OCD, we don't know. But obsessively needing tidiness does not automatically preclude her from this.

Having said this, my OCD does not give me the right to interfere with the lives of others.

Alittlefrustrated · 02/11/2025 10:41

YANBU to be annoyed.
YABVU to make DC have a Tim Burton Christmas 😢🎅🌲🎁

Driftingawaynow · 02/11/2025 10:41

It’s so rude of her, she is overstepping and not respecting you as an adult homeowner or mother. Thank her for her work clearing up but put them back up if you want to explaining that you are not finished with them yet, if she cries, just grey rock and if your partner doesn’t support you tell him to fuck right off

Bluddyellfire · 02/11/2025 10:40

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:27

she does live 100 miles away 😂😂
came to see our daughter during half term , not baby sitting though as I had already taken time off to cover for childcare.
honestly she just likes things her way, everyone says she has OCD. I’m not sure if she has it , tbh probably not . Her house is spotless though and has looked the same for the past 10 years . No even a picture frame has been moved out of its place . Whereas my house …😂😂😂 well..let’s say I’m artistic .
anyway she said Halloween was over and things needed tidying up . I haven’t got the strength to start an argument over it , but I still thinks it’s very rude behaviour. I shall have a Xmas worth of a Tim Burton movie set 😂😂

Show quote history

Yep, very rude of her, I'm fully behind you going all out for Christmas. A front garden that's visible from space and Santa's grotto indoors 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

BMW6 · 02/11/2025 10:32

Why don't you simply tell her that it's YOUR house and she has no right to touch any of your things - and if she can't jeep her hands off then she can't come in again!

You can take children to visit her home (and I'd absolutely move stuff of hers around to make my point).

Cucy · 02/11/2025 10:26

This would have really annoy me but I would assume (hope) she thought she was helping.

PistachioTiramisu · 02/11/2025 10:22

She saved you a job then, OP!

PastaAllaNorma · 02/11/2025 10:09

Itsnearlyxmas · 02/11/2025 10:03

Why?

Show quote history

Because Halloween is over and she probably thought she was being helpful with tidying up.

XiCi · 02/11/2025 10:07

verycloakanddaggers · 02/11/2025 09:58

Loads of people who definitely would get diagnosed never seek a diagnosis.

They have OCD with or without the formal diagnosis.

Same with every other physical or mental health condition.

Show quote history

What the OP is describing is not OCD. Lots of people think they or others have some undiagnosed condition but is usually based on ignorance of that condition or something they've seen on tiktok

Itsnearlyxmas · 02/11/2025 10:03

Soontobe60 · 01/11/2025 19:15

I’m with the MIL on this one 😂😂😂

Why?

verycloakanddaggers · 02/11/2025 09:58

Bobiverse · 01/11/2025 19:15

Does she actually have diagnosed OCD, or are you just using it in that really offensive “she’s a bit OCD” to excuse ridiculous or bad behaviour?

If she is diagnosed, then I’d cut her some slack but would have a conversation about this being my home and she needs to use her coping mechanisms rather than interfering with it.

If she does not actually have OCD, then I’d have a proper conversation about how inappropriate it was of her to interfere with my home when she was an invited guest and that, in future, she won’t be trusted alone there.

Loads of people who definitely would get diagnosed never seek a diagnosis.

They have OCD with or without the formal diagnosis.

Same with every other physical or mental health condition.

gamerchick · 02/11/2025 09:50

Put them back up.

MissDoubleU · 02/11/2025 09:50

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:07

She is not diagnosed, just likes things ultra tidy and anything out if place or not where she would have it annoys her . Like the things I have on the fridge , she

Show quote history

This is absolutely not what OCD is.

XiCi · 02/11/2025 09:45

FFS OCD is not liking to keep a house clean and tidy. It's a complete misconception that totally minimises how awful coping with OCD is so please just stop with the ignorance.

Halloween was over so the woman probably thought she was doing you a favour helping you clear up. Noone keeps their Halloween decs up past Halloween, how was she to know that you wanted to. Put them up again if it bothers you that much.

Luckyingame · 02/11/2025 09:44

Some people are just fucking nuts.
It wouldn't cross my mind. 😲

BackToLurk · 02/11/2025 09:44

Samhainduality · 02/11/2025 09:32

I don't think it's such a big deal. Halloween is over and I don't know anyone who would leave the spooky decorations up after the day. There's not a twelve nights tradition like Christmas.

I think it's as harmless as loading the dishwasher or pushing the hoover round. It's not like rearranging your sex toys drawer or cutting your toddler's long hair or fitting a new bathroom as a surprise.

If anyone wants to fit me a new bathroom as a surprise please DM

Howwilliknow122 · 02/11/2025 09:42

purple590 · 01/11/2025 19:46

Many people with OCD are undiagnosed because they think their behaviour is fine. People can have OCD and not be diagnosed.

OP that would annoy the hell out of me, I wouldn't be leaving her alone at your house again.

Show quote history

This is true but I don't think that's what the post was trying to deny. I think the poster is making references to those who use ocd as a throw away comment which many do. As someone who watched their mum suffer with the illness (diagnosed) i see how ppl use the term all the time, and the majority of ppl who claim they have ocd don't. That doesn't mean to say there arent ppl suffering undiagnosed but that wasn't the point of the poster.

BackToLurk · 02/11/2025 09:42

Ddakji · 02/11/2025 09:15

Why are you not having this conversation with her? Or why isn’t your husband? You need to establish some boundaries or this is going to carry on and cause real resentment.

If everyone had conversations with each other there would be no AIBU

dontforgetme · 02/11/2025 09:40

Op you need to come back to this thread in December and show us pics of your Tim Burton Christmas. Please!!

IwishIhadcheese · 02/11/2025 09:39

Just put them back up if you want them up.

If you think that she truly does have OCD (rather than likes to tidy) then help her to seek professional support.

Original poster
Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:38

Hobnobswantshernameback · 02/11/2025 09:17

Another wet lettuce incapable of speaking up and sorting a situation like an adult.
i do wonder how half the people who post manage to live as functional adults in the real world

she just came to visit, no point arguing as she will not change. She Just starts playing victim, Been there already . Not going down that route .
just have to put up with it , so I’ll have a moan yes, fell better and move on with my dark Xmas .

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 02/11/2025 09:35

You posted yesterday and Hallowe’en was on Friday, so maybe your mother in law thought she was doing you a favour taking them down the next day?