I had a panic attack this morning in front of someone I like and respect, and I'm incredibly ashamed and embarrassed. Especially as I didn't explain it at all and I don't know what they thought was happening or what it must have looked like. I don't think it was obviously a panic attack from the outside.
I was doing an activity (which I've been doing for months and they were teaching) and I could feel it starting and was trying to squash it down and get to the end of the session. But it caught up with me and I think apart from breathing oddly I basically just dissociated - so from the outside it probably just looked like I shut down completely and went empty, but breathing a bit raggedly. The person had to guide me back because I couldn't move.
I think they might have thought I was upset that the session hadn't gone well, which upsets me possibly even more because I wouldn't want them to think I was being ... I don't even know... The kind of person who would sulk over not being the best or not being good at the activity? It had nothing to do with that at all though, I know I'm not amazing at the activity and I'm well able to laugh that off.
I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it? I can't stop thinking how silly it must have seemed.