Page 5 | WIBU to assume this about invitation?

Mama2many73 · 02/11/2025 23:42

Shocking! I wouldn't/couldn't go now and I know my DH would certainly back me.
It always surprises how tucked up some people are about family but actually have no empathy at all!!
We foster and our kids have done everything family wise, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, new babies, funerals and weddings (as part of the bridal party).

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/11/2025 23:40

"My MIL, his dad, his sister and his own wife don't agree with him."

His actual wife and key family members don't agree with him, and he's still holding out.. He must be as stubborn as a mule.
Hard to believe this is how he wants to represent himself to his 250 guests. What a nasty way to behave.

Biffsboys · 02/11/2025 23:34

As an aside to the whole party situation , huge admiration for you taking on a baby when you are obviously of an age beyond that . Good luck for the future and look after your own x

Mistyglade · 02/11/2025 23:34

What an absolute twat. How dare he.

I would never speak to him again.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2025 23:30

Lilyflame · 02/11/2025 23:23

It says you, dh and the kids
no problem, take them all

As it's been clarified, she can't (and won't)

Lilyflame · 02/11/2025 23:23

It says you, dh and the kids
no problem, take them all

dnadiscoveryquery · 02/11/2025 22:59

Lilywc · 02/11/2025 22:53

But if he’s a relative he’s family ?

Op has answered this more than once.

The child is family on her side.The party is her DH’s side.

Regardless, the child is now family anyway.

Lilywc · 02/11/2025 22:53

But if he’s a relative he’s family ?

Original poster

MannersAreAll · 02/11/2025 22:33

MadridMadridMadrid · 02/11/2025 22:02

OP, how often does "Birthday Boy" see your family? Is there any possibility that he simply forgot about your little one when adding up the numbers and then stupidly doubled down when he realised his mistake? I do agree that you should try to avoid one person's actions turning into a wider family rift in which you end up vicariously falling out with people who had nothing to do with the decision not to invite your little one.

We see him very often. We cross paths 2/3 times a week at kids activities.

I am hoping he simply forgot then reacted then doubled down as that would make him an absolute twat. But at least not originally malicious. However, atm he's not budging so that's just a hope.

There's no real danger atm of us falling out with other people, but I do worry that long term it could become awkward for people who are outraged atm but who are closer family to him - his dad, sister etc.

However will cross that bridge if and when we get to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MannersAreAll · 02/11/2025 22:30

Grammarnut · 02/11/2025 22:08

Take him. He's invited. He is one of the family (your DN, presumably) and it just said 'the kids'. He's one of the kids. We have step and adopted DC in my family. They are all 'family'. Your DH's family want a lesson in manners. Give it. Take DN - he's invited, it said so (kids). If any of DH's lovely relatives says he should not be there ask where you are supposed to stuff a child who is yours and DH's legal responsibity, where are their manners and stuff their party. And leave. This makes me so angry! Thoughtless people without manners or empathy and compassion. Their idea of 'family' is one I reject. People are family by blood and marriage, so your DN is kin by marriage. Twits.

I wouldn't do that to the wee one, myself, or the vast majority of DH's lovely family.

If his cousin maintains his stance then none of us will be going and it will be the end of any relationship we have with him.

My MIL, his dad, his sister and his own wife don't agree with him.

OP posts:

Beentheretoolong · 02/11/2025 22:28

Grammarnut · 02/11/2025 22:08

Take him. He's invited. He is one of the family (your DN, presumably) and it just said 'the kids'. He's one of the kids. We have step and adopted DC in my family. They are all 'family'. Your DH's family want a lesson in manners. Give it. Take DN - he's invited, it said so (kids). If any of DH's lovely relatives says he should not be there ask where you are supposed to stuff a child who is yours and DH's legal responsibity, where are their manners and stuff their party. And leave. This makes me so angry! Thoughtless people without manners or empathy and compassion. Their idea of 'family' is one I reject. People are family by blood and marriage, so your DN is kin by marriage. Twits.

Have you read OPs updates? She clearly says that DH’s family are upset by this and it’s solely the decision of the family member who is throwing the party.

Grammarnut · 02/11/2025 22:08

Take him. He's invited. He is one of the family (your DN, presumably) and it just said 'the kids'. He's one of the kids. We have step and adopted DC in my family. They are all 'family'. Your DH's family want a lesson in manners. Give it. Take DN - he's invited, it said so (kids). If any of DH's lovely relatives says he should not be there ask where you are supposed to stuff a child who is yours and DH's legal responsibity, where are their manners and stuff their party. And leave. This makes me so angry! Thoughtless people without manners or empathy and compassion. Their idea of 'family' is one I reject. People are family by blood and marriage, so your DN is kin by marriage. Twits.

MadridMadridMadrid · 02/11/2025 22:02

OP, how often does "Birthday Boy" see your family? Is there any possibility that he simply forgot about your little one when adding up the numbers and then stupidly doubled down when he realised his mistake? I do agree that you should try to avoid one person's actions turning into a wider family rift in which you end up vicariously falling out with people who had nothing to do with the decision not to invite your little one.

JazzyBazzy79 · 02/11/2025 21:57

That's absolutely awful. I wouldn't go and would cut contact with them. Poor little boy :(

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 02/11/2025 21:34

I'm not surprised you are angry. It's disgusting. I hope your DH has the guts to stand up to his family member and say it's all of you or none of you.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 02/11/2025 21:30

Sack these cnuts off. Such a lack of compassion.

ItWasTheBabycham · 02/11/2025 21:19

OP, this is awful (as all the others have said). Especially since the little one has presumably been through quite a lot to not be with their parents.

Wieralmostthere · 02/11/2025 21:00

MannersAreAll · 01/11/2025 16:28

Possibly outing, but I'm so angry I don't really care.

Invitations arrived weeks ago for DH's relatives big birthday and it's been discussed for months.

Two arrived for adult age children plus their partners. Then one addressed to "Manners' DH, Manners & the kids"

Living in our house atm with us is our two younger children plus 3 year old relative. Basically an orphan who we have legal responsibility for and who will be with us forever. Has been with us for 18 months. Was part of big family Christmas last year, went to a family wedding on DH's side in the summer - basically has been treated as one of our children as we're their forever home.

Except it turns out is not invited to the birthday party as it's "family only". Only emerged when DH happened to mention us booking two Premier Inn rooms as we can squeeze DN in a travel cot anymore.

How shitty is that? This isn't a small party either. It's about 250 people.

I know people throw words around, but I'm genuinely fuming.

The youngun IS part of your family. Not every member has to be by blood. I would let everyone know why you’re not going, and have your own party, with those who are important to you. What does your DH say about it?

Aintnosunshinenowitsgone · 02/11/2025 20:59

Edit- wrong thread

freakingscared · 02/11/2025 20:52

I wouldn’t go .

5128gap · 02/11/2025 20:36

Of course you would have assumed they were invited. They are one of your 'kids'! I'm afraid none of us would be going if I were you. I'd have no wish to celebrate with someone who treated a child that way.

godmum56 · 02/11/2025 20:34

Wooky073 · 02/11/2025 19:34

Then I wouldn't attend but I think I would also want to challenge why they are excluding one child. Maybe they dont realise their behaviour is exclusionary? I would ask them I think. Once they understand it is coming across as excluding one child - if they dont change their position then Id exclude them back - by not attending. However id also be wondering if it is purposeful, strategic and what they were trying to gain by behaving like this.

Show quote history

"They" are not. One male person is.

TallMam · 02/11/2025 20:30

Disgusting behaviour on their part to a 3 yo. F them, I would go no contact for this. You don't need such people in your life x

Thehappygardener · 02/11/2025 20:07

I’m so very sorry that this has happened, miserable for you, and I’m furious on your behalf.

As a stepmother, I’ve had a few passive aggressive comments (and worse!) from one or two extended family members, it seems that some people don’t think how their actions can be hurtful.

Much love to you, and all your kids and husband

💕

Simonjt · 02/11/2025 20:04

Sometimes @MannersAreAll it is okay to tell someone to fuck off. We’ve had our children be the only children not invited to a family event (they’re not naughty) as the only children in the family who aren’t blood relatives. The only positive is that you now know that person is a scumbag and no longer worthy of your time.