To find DDs in-laws level of wealth overwhelming at times

@InterIgnis yes they do. Certainly as they get older @Doingtheboxerbeat yes it often does because it is. The OP just has to reconcile it. My DB has an insane lifestyle even compared to us but I have reconciled it in my head and really don’t care.

It’s also worth remembering - people are envious of the success but they are never envious of the journey. DB has an insane work schedule. My DF was always away. He was often stressed and we often moved. I am away from my family today and tomorrow for work. Early away today and late back tomorrow.

I think there’s a very, very good change that the grandchildren love the centre Parcs holiday and will have the most fond memories from that trip. Children don’t understand the value of money and what things cost. They do understand fun bike rides & activities like the ones on offer at Centre Parcs. They do value the feeling they get when you hug them & spend time with them.
I had a grandparent that used to give us money, but was withdrawn in showing their love. I had another grandparent who would openly express their love, and birthdays & Christmases were not extravagant. But it’s the time spent with them and the memories that I remember. And the little kitkat they’d leave in the fridge for me when they were away & we were doing their post. Often the little things mean more.

Your daughter is lucky to have in laws who support her financially and even feel the house they helped them buy is for both of them. But I agree with others. She best remember life outside this environment t.

As for you, try not to compare. Yu can only give your grandkids love. That's the best you can and are doing. You have no idea how they will compare memories but that is not why you love them so it shouldn't matter that much.
I know to a smaller extent about being the poor one among in laws. I also know that as poor as I am among them, among my own family (and many other people) am very very lucky and they wish they were in my shoes. This despite that I rent as can't afford deposit. I don't have my own car. Life is like that. Some people are materially better than you and others less so.

No it cannot. Near my extended family’s home is another elderly couple and he is in his room, unable to get out and see the world or even the glorious view beyond his bedroom window.

They are extremely wealthy and there is nothing they could buy that would make him any better.

his wife nurses him despite being able to afford carers. She is becoming bitter about being ‘stuck’ at home however no one can talk her into getting help in.

sad what we humans do to ourselves at times in the name of duty and care of a loved one..

I'd much rather one of my children married into money than was scrimping on food and when to put the heating on and that my grandchildren were going to get a privileged upbringing. I think that even when you are rich there is always somebody richer - not just holidaying in the Maldives but owning the island type rich - so people who might seem terribly privileged are comparing themselves with people who are even more terribly privileged. I don't think it means though that your grandchildren will love you less as long as you are fun and not squeezing the joy out of everything with a chip on your shoulder about their wealth.

My mother was elderly when her grandchildren were young and when my husband and I went on holiday she came to stay and a nanny lived in to do the hands-on stuff with the children. I was pleased I was able to afford to give her the fun side of being a grandmother. Apparently the annual very well paid gig was keenly sought after at the nanny agency - they took the children out for lunches, outings and I provided plenty of spending money. My mother had a miserable childhood in grinding poverty and grew up half starved without any chance of a good education and left home at 14. She too thought it was wonderful that her grandchildren would grow up with so many more opportunities than she or I had. No, I didn't marry wealth - I was quite successful in my career but I had to work very hard for it. I like the thought that my children have a bedrock of financial security to fall back on if they stumble.

Well yeah, you can absolutely can do and enjoy both, and you’d think their grandmother would want that to be the case for the children in question.

She may feel she’s in competition with her daughter’s in-laws, but if she is it’s a one sided one fueled by her own insecurities. Looking for reassurance that her grandchildren will have a comparatively shit time anywhere that’s more expensive than what she can offer (and who knows what they’ll enjoy? Only they do. All anyone can offer OP here is platitudes) in order to make herself feel better isn’t a particularly great mindset to encourage, and nor is it conducive to having healthy relationships with her daughter and grandchildren. That mum/grandma has a chip on her shoulder about their family’s wealth is something they’ll pick up on very quickly (if they haven’t already) and create the very barriers between them that she wants to avoid.

I think the point is that with that level of wealth you could do both and not just settle for the quite expensive Centerparcs.
People saying they prefer a weekend in Blackpool/ Skegness over the Maldives would have had to have been to the Maldives in the first place to form that opinion and probably won't have done Butlins etc since they were kids poor and are being nice or sentimental.

I personally preferred the Caribbean, but each to their own. It isn’t a competition, and the kids in question will hopefully enjoy both.

Agreed. And so would I. I love Centerparcs and we had some fab holidays there with the kids. The Caribbean doesn’t appeal at all.

Money absolutely can buy your health….!! Have you been living under a rock? Do you know how long nhs waiting lists are for anything…?

I have never thought about it in terms of not being able to have a regular moan or brag without it coming off as being insensitive or sounding like a hint for money 😱. That sounds difficult to navigate, since most conversations will inevitably come down to money.

Some Caribbean resorts are cheaper than CenterParcs, Tbf!

I can’t afford centerparcs and will never own a property. I have read Status Anxiety by Alain de Boton though. Stop comparing yourselves to insanely wealthy people and enjoy what sounds like a very lovely life.

YABVU

That's sad. But if you ask my child about their favourite holiday, Butlins ranks extremely highly. I also have very fond memories of my childhood holidays at Haven holidays. I've been on much more exotic holidays which I have also enjoyed, but I wouldn't say I've always enjoyed them more. Some I actively hated.

I should add that actually the resentment of my in laws means they engage less well with my DC. My DP’s engage fully with my DC on a number of levels and are people DC genuinely want to include in their lives. In laws not so much.

My in laws are wealthy in a similar situation to what you describe. My family are comfortable professionals who live an enriched and cultured lifestyle but have nowhere near the wealth or extravagance of my in-laws. My kids choose going to family events and for weekends with my side of the family 99% of the time as it’s where they feel the most comfortable and the most loved based on being seen and heard. Please don’t put yourself down OP.

I don't think it's about holidays , I think it's about caring about the grandchildren on a daily basis, video calling , being excited about their achievements and knowing what is going on in their lives. The grandparents that love and care will the ones that will be remembered, not one week a year. And center parcs is so much fun for them. All the activities and swimming , it's a special experience too.

I’d be overwhelmed too .
However , we took out kids to CenterParcs one year and they loved it so there you go 😆
Other holidays they have enjoyed were little cottages throughout the UK 🇬🇧

It’s just a fact you can’t change, you just need to find a way to live with it, good luck.

You have just got to remember that whilst you don’t have the benefit, one of your closest kin does.

From the other side, my family is extremely wealthy (tho my DB has made even more money than that) unlike my DH’s family. This means that whilst we have made money ourselves he has definitely ended up with a lifestyle he could not have expected.

My MIL and SIL have both made comments about how they should benefit in various ways. There was even comments about how my DC should share with SIL’s children (ie: if DC have property they should offer them mates rates or better) and I find it infuriating. It’s nothing to do with them and it means I view all interactions suspiciously.

I don't understand why it's okay (at least it is okay for many people on this thread) to make negative comments and assumptions about what goes on during "fancy holidays". Just as possible to spend quality time bonding on those holidays as it is at CP. The OP's DD's in-laws seem lovely (see the bit about the house being equally gifted to both of them, for example), no need to assume the worst about their vacations. Not saying that the Caribbean vacations are better - they just aren't inherently going to build fewer memories than a CP vacation.

Or they’re also having a great time and making memories in the Caribbean. They can enjoy both. There’s no need to tear down one in order to prop up the other.

Just try and think of it this way…on these fancy holidays those kids are probably shoved into Kids Club so the adults can do what they want. At CP the kids are enjoying some quality time bonding with their GP, as much as I hate the expression “making memories” in this case it’s true and that’s what the kids will remember for years to come ❤️

I'm in a similar situation with my DD but I don't care. We're just different people who have lived differently. I also didn't send my kids to boarding school and spent time with them instead. I'm not criticising their choice at all. There were good reasons for it. I'm just using it to illustrate - different priorities. We'd be wealthier if we'd done things differently but chose not to. I'm happy my DD isn't struggling.