Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need a handhold - 20 week scan

32 replies

Bc87 · 01/11/2025 15:11

Hi

I had a 20 week scan and we were told one thing then another thing but in the end, we know one of our baby's kidneys is looking really bad. It's not renal nephrosis, not renal dilation which can fix itself. It's a huge echogenic kidney. I've had another 3 scans since in a short space of time - no change.

Doctors can't answer any questions but will keep monitoring until I give birth. The other kidney is looking okay now but I am so worried about it going down the same route.

We don't know what to expect, we don't know what's going on, it's all just about waiting now. I don't think I can get through these coming months, I am really really scared. All the good stories I found online were about dilated kidneys (renal pelvis) which is irrelevant to our scenario.

I am too weak to cope with this 😞

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 01/11/2025 15:35

Things have worked out OK for us, not perfect, but OK. The first few months of DCs life were filled with stress, but we're several years down the line now. Still not easy, but better.

You'll find a balance between being there for your first child and needed to work through your emotions. Try to remember that worrying won't change anything. It will be what it is however much you worry. 💜

Original poster
Bc87 · 01/11/2025 15:29

Calamitousness · 01/11/2025 15:25

You’re not too weak. You might not like what’s happening but nobody can change that or tell you it will be fine. You can only keep being monitored and everyone around you will also be hoping for the best for your baby and you need to speak to your loved ones/friends who will listen to your worries. Then know you’ll be there to love your baby whatever their needs will be.

Thank you ❤️
I'm just hoping for one healthy, functioning kidney.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bc87 · 01/11/2025 15:28

I already have a happy healthy child and feel like I am absolutely failing her. I'm just in bed crying. Can't function and considering getting signed off work for a bit.

Haven't told many people about the pregnancy as I was waiting for the 20 week scan so now I don't even know how to tell them 😔

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 01/11/2025 15:25

You’re not too weak. You might not like what’s happening but nobody can change that or tell you it will be fine. You can only keep being monitored and everyone around you will also be hoping for the best for your baby and you need to speak to your loved ones/friends who will listen to your worries. Then know you’ll be there to love your baby whatever their needs will be.

Original poster
Bc87 · 01/11/2025 15:23

@GaspingGekko thank you and I'm sorry you've experienced this stress, too ❤️ I hope everything ended well for you.

@tangerinemagic thank you, it helps ❤️

OP posts:
tangerinemagic · 01/11/2025 15:20

sorry to hear this. Someone I know had similar and their boy is thriving after some initial infections, they had spoken about removing the kidney when he was two but he’s 18 months and been infection free for some time. I know it might not be exactly the same…

GaspingGekko · 01/11/2025 15:16

I'm so sorry @Bc87 . I've been through similar - devastating news in the third trimester ultrasound but left in the dark around what it meant - because the doctors didn't know themselves.

I know it's hard, but try not to google. The waiting is awful, but you can drive yourself mad by going down different rabbit holes on the internet.