Need a handhold - 20 week scan

At my 20 week scan dd was tiny. Under 1st% with short legs.

I was warned to expect the worst, that she might not make it. I was scanned constantly and had to stop work early, she was delivered by c section 6 weeks early and was very tiny. She was poorly a lot as a baby

She's now 6 & she's brilliant. Happy, healthy, does well in school. She is still physically very small but now has medication helping her grow.

You can have a termination at any point in preganacy if doctors decides the baby would not survive or have significant disabilities. There is no 24 week limit to this

https://www.arc-uk.org/ might help

Op you have the right to request an amniocentisis to rule out genetic conditions

Take it as a huge positive that the doctors have said about monitoring until birth, it's a really good sign they've said that

My baby had RPD & it was so severe that the consultants ect from the get go said he wouldnt survive ( he didn't ) so honestly, the fact their telling you their gonna monitor until birth is fantastic sign that They have good faith baby will be okay

Good luck x

Is there any testing available that could rule out any of the potential outcomes? The not knowing must be so difficult for you.

Hi OP, my first born had a dilated renal pelvis in both kidneys. I know you said it’s worse than that but I’m adding this for context because I must have read every journal article available on the internet about kidneys at the time.

The big thing that struck me from these articles is the fact that if only one kidney is affected, no matter how badly that kidney is affected, things will be OK.

We only need one kidney to live a normal life. Please try to not worry, I really understand it, but chances are things will be just fine.

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation.

There's a a charity called Antenatal Results and Choices which I thought I would mention to you.

Sending hugs

I feel for you. My second pregnancy I had a severe disability caused during the birth of my firstborn and at 8 weeks developed a condition that could have been fatal for both of us. I had scans every 2 weeks and at week 20 the baby stopped growing and had no fluid around them. It was a horrible thing both from the terror of what might happen and the chronic severe pain that left me bed bound, with the future of ending up in a wheelchair.

I feel so lucky that our daughter arrived safely, if extremely tiny and needing to be rushed to special care immediately. I was unable to be with her for the first week which was very challenging and I am in a wheelchair for life.

She's now a young adult and having a brilliant time at university. While both of us have medical issues from it, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

You might feel like you can't cope but you will. We have hidden depths when we need them, it just takes time and giving yourself grace to achieve it. Mum guilt is a big part too, we tend to feel bad about anything negative that affects our children. Not everything can be controlled, sometimes shit happens to the best of people and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Remember you are giving your unborn child the best chance you can and a sibling for your oldest, that's amazing. Try to focus on the positive things and make time in the day for you to do something nice for yourself. Even if it's something as simple as making a hot chocolate and reading a book, just something to look forward to.
You aren't superwoman and it's ok to be not okay. Lean on people who you trust and can confide in. Xx

OP 💐💐

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.

I can’t advise you about the kidney issues, but my eldest (DD) was diagnosed with serious heart issues at the 20 weeks scan.

The first year of her life was very hard, and she had two operations in that time, one of them involving open heart surgery.

But she came through it, and she’s now 17 and an absolutely brilliant young woman.

Wishing you and your little one, and your family, all the very best.

One of my friends went through similar. Her son was born with one functioning kidney and she found out during scan. She was in a terrible state. Her son must be in his thirties now. He seems perfectly healthy and the only restriction I can remember growing up was they chose not to let him do body contact sports like rugby or karate.

Another friend had a child with one normal kidney but one very undersized kidney. They initially thought he might have to have it removed but it chugs along fairly normally. He's a teenager but doesn't seem to have had any issues.

Op,

My mum had this when she was pregnant with me. She was also told I had a bladder issue and my brain was bigger than normal.

I am 34, and absolutely healthy.

I do have one kidney now - one failed when I was younger due to a faulty valve, but my kidney function is as good as someone with two.

I also have a daughter with her own unrelated kidney issues.

I know it’s easy to say don’t worry, but please be kind to yourself xx

I also dont think you should feel guilty about the hiding in bed crying and ignoring your other child, either. That's important processing of emotions. Better to do that properly than to try to put a stopper in it!

You'll come out the other side of this emotional distress in your own time.

she is happy and the most beautiful thing in my life, however she is disabled, has a genetic condition, tube fed and non verbal. Just follow all dr’s advice and ask lots of questions. You will get through this OP ❤️

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Is there a way you can articulate to your doctors that you'd like to understand better what impact this might have on your baby?

It's not the same, but I had a condition called ICP in late pregnancy than can cause sudden stillbirth (no reduction in movements, the baby just... dies) The constant anxiety and the sense of there being nothing about it I could control was very hard to cope with. So be very gentle with yourself. Take time off work if it might help - I didn't because I thought sitting at home fretting would be worse, but I sort of regret not resting more to be honest. The ICP made me really ill too!

Ive no medical training, but we get 2 kidneys. It seems logical to me that means your baby has a chance of being okay.

I think you should seriously consider telling people in real life. In a month, a healthy baby would be considered very very premature but potentially would survive if they were born. Would you want your baby to have a funeral if things didn't work out? Your friends and family would probably want to be able to support you at such a difficult time.

It's a tough one though. So many people I worked with couldn't understand why I wasn't excited about my baby being born. I couldn't be, because I was terrified it wouldn't work out.

Incidentally my nearly 3 year old is currently snoozing on me lap, and was born slightly early, but healthy. I hope you have the same happy outcome.

So sorry to hear this OP, I had lots of abnormalities at 20 week scan, had weekly scans and an op performed while pregnant. Was the worst time of my life. Be kind to yourself.