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AIBU?

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Original poster

I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

161 replies

cinnamontroll · 01/11/2025 13:01

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

OP posts:
cottonwoolie · 01/11/2025 14:59

Bradley cooper is morphing into Barry Manilow, the hair is not right.

cottonwoolie · 01/11/2025 14:54

I know exactly what you mean re Bradley Cooper & find he looks off now.

It's a tough one, I would not like if my DH changed his face.

JamieCannister · 01/11/2025 14:51

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 14:16

And? People should have free will to do ridiculous things if they want.

Show quote history

Only if there is life-long life insurance in place, registered with the NHS, so not one single penny of ax-payers money goes into pincking up the pieces.

Only if people are willing to lose their marriages over it.

But other than that, no. Mentally ill people deserve mental health support not being encouraged to mutilate themselves.

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 01/11/2025 14:49

Maybe it just needs time to settle? 😬

There’s no point in saying anything, especially seeing he feels good about it.

Alittlefrustrated · 01/11/2025 14:47

I've looked at before and after pictures of BC and can't see what you mean.
I think it would be cruel to tell him you don't like it. What would that achieve?
Does he tell you what he doesn't like about your appearance? Meaning things you can't change?
I think you will get used to it, and also his face will continue to change, like yours will too. Give it time.

Thelankyone · 01/11/2025 14:38

I also get what you mean, there is something not right with how Bradley looks now, and he was really good looking before. However I think it settles down and loosens off. So just give it time. Personally I’d reassure him it looked great.,even if not the truth, as any hesitation could impact him mentally and he can’t change it. So for me it would be about mental health rather than his appearance and me.

shhblackbag · 01/11/2025 14:38

Itwouldbesonice · 01/11/2025 14:34

Imagine being the partner of one of those celebrities who has everything done and is always changing their look eg Kardashians, Katie Price, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osborne and some are really extreme eg Mickey Rourke, Priscilla Presley.

Simon Cowell looks nothing like himself. So weird.

MooDengOfThailand · 01/11/2025 14:36

Yes Kate Moss is the very same. She doesn't look like herself at all anymore.
She looks very starey.
I'm sure she regrets the eye surgery.

MooDengOfThailand · 01/11/2025 14:35

Yes Kate Moss is the very same. She doesn't look like herself at all anymore.
She looks very starey.
I'm sure she regrets the eye surgery,

TheLivelyRose · 01/11/2025 14:35

I dunno, men think it's acceptable to comment on woman's bodies. We get criticized for being too fat too thin dressing, too, provocatively, or not dressing provocatively enough.

I'm not saying your husband has ever done that.But why should you keep it to yourself. They don't tend to hold back when it's something about our bodies.

Itwouldbesonice · 01/11/2025 14:34

Imagine being the partner of one of those celebrities who has everything done and is always changing their look eg Kardashians, Katie Price, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osborne and some are really extreme eg Mickey Rourke, Priscilla Presley.

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 14:33

I would hate this sooo much. I despise plastic surgery for non-medical reasons.

But not much you can do about it.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 01/11/2025 14:29

Nothing can be gained by gratuitously saying you don't like his now non alterable appearance around the eyes. (No more than if your DH were to tell you he didn't like, say, breast reduction surgery you had. Or a nose job).

Congratulations to your DH on turning his life around and the weight loss!

No5ChalksRoad · 01/11/2025 14:22

I think those eye lifts tend to stretch and sag a bit as time passes. It’s most stark at the beginning.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 01/11/2025 14:19

I was thinking of Bradley Walsh. Haha. Less said soonest mended here. I think it would be really upsetting to hear you didn't like his new eyes. Give it a year or two and they will be more like they used to be. Well done to him for loosing all the weight.

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 14:16

JamieCannister · 01/11/2025 14:14

Because it makes people look ridiculous and destroys health and relationships.

Show quote history

And? People should have free will to do ridiculous things if they want.

CoolFineDoneWicked · 01/11/2025 14:15

SwedishEdith · 01/11/2025 14:13

I know people who've had it done for medical reasons and you can't really tell - which is as it should be, I think. There's a Facebook page on this and some are definitely better than others. Women can usually reduce that staring intense look with make up but for men, it can look a bit serial killer. The skin will sag again though but you definitely can't say anything. It's like all facial tweakments, you have to pretend you've either not noticed or it's an improvement.

This is the thing - so many people say “oh you can’t tell when it’s done well”. You can, it’s just people are too polite to say “you look weird now”.

JamieCannister · 01/11/2025 14:14

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 14:10

Why does that mean it should be illegal? Confused

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Because it makes people look ridiculous and destroys health and relationships.

SwedishEdith · 01/11/2025 14:13

I know people who've had it done for medical reasons and you can't really tell - which is as it should be, I think. There's a Facebook page on this and some are definitely better than others. Women can usually reduce that staring intense look with make up but for men, it can look a bit serial killer. The skin will sag again though but you definitely can't say anything. It's like all facial tweakments, you have to pretend you've either not noticed or it's an improvement.

Salvadoridory · 01/11/2025 14:12

I looked like a young Liz Jones of all the most ghastly people I could have looked like after my upper and lower but it settles really fast I promise.

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 14:10

JamieCannister · 01/11/2025 14:05

This is precisely why cosmetic surgery should be illegal except for rectifying genuine defects in situations where making things worse is impossible. eg removing a large growth or pinning back ears.

Show quote history

Why does that mean it should be illegal? Confused

Letsgocamping67 · 01/11/2025 14:06

My mum had her upper lids done and I hated it so can see your point of view. She looked intense and angry all the time but she was happy with it so I didn’t say anything.

JamieCannister · 01/11/2025 14:05

bridgetreilly · 01/11/2025 13:03

I think it’s okay to say you are struggling to get used to it, but there’s no point saying you don’t like it, because he’s not going to be able to put it back.

This is precisely why cosmetic surgery should be illegal except for rectifying genuine defects in situations where making things worse is impossible. eg removing a large growth or pinning back ears.

StrongLikeMamma · 01/11/2025 13:54

This world we live in 🙈

Original poster
cinnamontroll · 01/11/2025 13:53

CoolFineDoneWicked · 01/11/2025 13:44

Nothing you can do about it, but I know why you’re upset - I think the upper bleph surgery always makes people look a bit uncanny. I hate it when actors do it because it removes a bit of their personality and expression, they look a bit alien, or AI. Face and neck lifts are fine, but messing around with eyes just changes a person’s look massively. They are the main source of facial expression after all.

Yes that’s the way I was trying to express in my OP. He has the most beautiful colour green eyes and now sometimes I think he looks angry or wide eyed when literally nothing is happening and I just look at him. I would never want to make him self conscious but I didn’t expect that I would struggle to get used to it. I thought it’s just a teeny tiny bit of extra skin removed, it can’t change your look that much, but it turns out that it really does! 😳

OP posts: