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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel sad that DC miss out because I don’t do a lot of school pickups

32 replies

InsolentAnnie · 01/11/2025 01:56

I don’t think they miss out by having their grandparents, who they adore, pick them up three out of the five days. But because I’m only there for two of them, I seem to miss all the mum socialising at the school gate stuff - with the result being that I don’t know many of the other mums, and my kids end up missing out on social activities outside of school. I try really hard to build up relationships - they moved schools a few months ago, and the youngest seems to have found a lovely little friendship group, and I’m trying to get to know the other mums. But then I find out that the mums are doing stuff with the kids outside of school, and my DC hasn’t been invited, and then I feel really crap about it all. I’d love to get to know the other mums too, but in six months I’ve only managed to sort two meet-ups with one other child and mum because people just keep saying they’re busy - but they’re all seeing each other. Nobody seems to have any issues with me or my DC and teachers say they get on well with the other kids. Can’t help feeling that if I didn’t work as much I’d be there and able to talk to the others.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 01/11/2025 05:13

In my experience it depends on the class and the parents. I've parented two kids through primary. One class is a quagmire of jealousy and cliques. Hate it. Was all about who was at the school gates.
Other DCs year group are lovely.

Mydadsbirthday · 01/11/2025 04:37

I also only did two school pick ups a week but I made friends from the endless birthday parties we took them too throughout reception where you have to stay with them. How old are your DC?

There was also a class WhatsApp and a separate dads chat and people organised drinks etc so everyone got to know each other. Do you have anything like that or could you set something up?

You could try organising a meet up in the holidays, e.g. park / soft play / bowling depending on age of kids etc.
Also good idea to join PTA, gets you closer to the school and you'll meet people that way too.

lydialucy · 01/11/2025 03:16

I dont think it makes much difference. I was there for 99% of pick ups. I got to know a few mums but it was only talking in the playground relationship. No play dates or meeting in the holidays came out of this despite me initiating. And there only seemed one or two friendships in the class which did meet outside school.

mindutopia · 01/11/2025 03:09

Dh and I have done literally every school run ever (ours are Y8 and Y3 now). We are friends with other parents - by that I mean, we have each other’s numbers to organise stuff for the kids and we chat at various events. But I definitely don’t talk to anyone at the school gates

You’re there twice a week, which is more than many parents. Just figure out who the friends’ parents are, introduce yourself and exchange numbers. Then you can offer a play date. Unless they are little (5 and under), most parents are thrilled to have someone entertain their child for a few hours. And if grandparents are willing, they can do it too. My dc have gone on lots of play dates with a grandparent facilitating because a parent was working. There are a few grandparents whose numbers I have and they message me directly to arrange things because it’s easier for them having a friend over as they don’t have to do so much.

Anononony · 01/11/2025 02:27

I do every pick up and partner does every drop off, I have one school run 'friend', her kid has been to mine but not mine to hers, and we don't really socialise outside of the school run though we are fb friends

There are a grand total of 3 others I am friends with on FB so know their names, but only one I really chat to (as we walk the same way and our kids are close), and 2 more I always say hi to and exchange pleasantries with in passing but don't know names (know the kids names)

It was similar for my eldest, though 3 of us are friends on FB and chat a few times a year but nothing more than that

Partner has made absolutely zero parent friends despite doing the drop off daily for years, no one he even talks to on the school run

mynameiscalypso · 01/11/2025 02:08

Can you volunteer to help with the school? I only do one pick up a week but was the class rep for our PTA last year and it made a huge difference in terms of getting to know parents. Do you have a class/year WhatsApp group? A parent has just used ours to organise drinks in a couple of weeks time which is a great opportunity to chat to people.

Iocanepowder · 01/11/2025 02:06

I pick my DS up 5 days a week and still haven’t made any mum friends at the gate. I find a lot of them actually already know eachother probably through older siblings or from preschool.

I made a good mum friend through nursery but I met her at a birthday party, not pick up.