To ask if you would agree with a law forcing absent parents to step up?

What a daft idea! It would be unenforceable, and even if it was - how would you ensure that the dad didn't just game, drink, watch adult programs on TV?

No. I think this would be damaging, although really does depend on the circumstances. At 11 my son wrote a letter to the family courts stating he did not want to see his (physically and emotionally abusive) Father and they listened! Imagine if he was forced to see him?

No because it’s not in the child’s best interests for various reasons.

A friend of mine solo parents, despite the father asking her to see the child. In her case they are several hundred klms apart, he has lost his drivers licence (although still drives) and is still drinking to excess. The pressure is on her to take the child to him, but no one comes up with the funds for her fuel and accommodation and she doesn’t (fair enough) want to be in the same house as him. He still calls her drunk wanting to get back with her…

then on the flip side is the parent who has told friends of the ex ever shows up, they are to call the police. What she didn’t tell the friends was about the birthday and christening invitations she sent to him…. What a bells up that would turn out to be.

No because of the potential for abuse of a child they don't want to see.
I would support other rules though - estranged parents having to pay more maintenance to the families they leave behind when they go on to have other children and a fee of that being paid into social services to develop a team that can watch out for maintenance-avoiding bare minimum parenting and neglect.

Also having to have their non-involvement on a register (like a CCJ or Clares Law request) and this being included in background checks for jobs. Child Maintenance being enforced much harder and those on benefits having to give more time to voluntary causes to qualify so they have to earn the maintenance element/percentage of the benefit, more kids = more voluntary hours to clamp down on those falsely claiming to avoid paying maintenance while working cash in hand.

Of course not, some aren’t interested and have other hobbies that children shouldn’t be around, if they had the skills and inclination they would ensure they already were.

No. It would be more damaging to have a child spend time with a parent that doesn’t want to see them.

No. Because a parent that doesn't want to parent isn't going to look after them well so I don't think it would be good to force children into the care of a person who does not want them.

No you can’t force someone to parent their own child but the government should definitely enforce fathers supporting their children financially!! No wonder the benefit system is in chaos when they get off Scott free

Haven't read the full thread, but I suspect someone must have mentioned this. There will probably be a lot of women who would not want to have contact with their ex partners, so if fathers are forced to "step-up" then the mothers will be forced to maintain contact. If fathers have been abusive to the mothers then forcing them to "step up" could cause resentment and lead to abusive behaviour towards the children. I think in theory it sounds like a good idea, but in practice it's a car-crash waiting to happen.

I saw a post be a youngish man on IG proposing automatic salary deductions for 18 years equal to 50% of the cost of raising a child. And prison for up to 18 years too. It was a bit more detailed but I thought it had some merit in terms of making a point. Raising a child is an 18 year term for most mothers.

I don't disagree with your basic stance. I'd have loved 50/50 when ex upped and left for ow. Was never ever raised as an option and I was too stunned to really do anything but I look back now and wish I'd asked what plans he had for driving 100 miles 2/3 days a week for the school run. You seem very annoyed that people aren't talking about what you want but there's nothing else to say...it is absolutely not in the child's interest to somehow force an unwilling parent to "step up" in order to give the other a break. I've relied on my parents and siblings and made use of the limited contact he does have. As others have said, if maintenance was better, you could afford paid childcare. In the end the system is about the child, not the parents.

I'm sure a child would rather a absent parent than one that's around but hates and resents them

No, my eldest 2s father was a narcissist and he could be pretty mean to eldest especially after a drink. He had alcohol issues too. I did try to push to stay in contact for kids sake but he always used communication as a way to verbally attack me. Over the years of odd bits of contact (normally he would parade them to new part ers for a couple of months) and the nasty verbal attacks against me the kids learned he wasn't a person they wanted in their lives. We are living a far happier life now.

But fathers should take financial responsibility for their children.

YABU because laws have to be enforceable. Who is going to enforce your proposed new law? How? What is a useful and enforceable standard of “stepping up”? It could be, for example: you must have your kids 3 nights a week minimum. Plenty of parents could meet that standard while still neglecting the child. In those scenarios it would be harmful for the child.

Its not a good idea for the reasons given.

But also how would this work for those mothers that actively prevent the father from being part of the children's life?

Oh trust me, I get where you're coming from. I used to get so resentful.

And then I made the choice to stop thinking that way. My DC are amazing and that's down to me and only me. When I'm old and decrepit I know they'll look after me. Their dad, not so much. He's lost out on a relationship with the most amazing people I've ever known. Every time he didn't turn up to see them was bonus time that I got to spend with them.

Its not easy, but my MH improved so much when I flipped my thinking.

This .

Absolutely not

We dont know how many women are saving their kids from terrible men by not chasing their bio dads

Things are fine. Maybe it should be easier for the resident parent to claim child support but thats it

Oh. 😮 Nearly 38 years ago, I was told it was, and thought that ever since! Thank you
Bit late now, isn't it 🤔

Child maintenance is disregarded for benefits. Your child's father could have been giving you £10k a month and you could still claim.

No there should not (especially when they were clear about not wanting the child from before the child even arrived).

Financial support is all.

Maintenace isn't included in benefit calculations