Colleagues missed my birthday

£10 is a lot for every birthday!

And what's happened is you have become the de facto "organiser" and no one else realised no one else had planned anything

One year anniversary gifts are also a bit much

I get that it's hurtful but I agree with pp that it's extremely intense for work colleagues. Who started this whole thing? Was it you? I personally would want to spend £80 a year on work colleagues.

God, my work does a virtual card for birthdays and to be honest I find that too much when there are about 30 of us. It’s always someone’s bloody birthday.

A missed birthday and leaving present in the same company was when I knew that collections were complete arse . It should have been obvious when the turnover of staff was high and I was in the job longer than most .
Same goes for secret Santa.

Hear people on this forum when they say that colleagues are not your friends - this is what they mean. Don't spend your money on people you won't remember in 6 months time.

No, it's shitty of them.

When is the next birthday? don't do anything. If anyone asks if you are collecting you can pull out the ol' "oh, i thought we weren't doing that any more. So no"

And just leave it at that.

Okay, well, the birthday collections and cards ends now.

Never do it again.

This feels a bit intense. Grown adults don't need birthday or work anniversary gifts from their colleagues, it's a waste of money and inevitably results in clutter that people don't need or want. A decent employer would provide a gift / reward for major anniversaries (like 10 years in the job), so I'd save the gift giving for major life events (e.g. wedding, retirement, new baby, and perhaps milestone birthdays).

I’ve been in a similar position to you, OP. I moved to a different office (same building) the day before my birthday and didn’t get so much as a card. Obviously nobody had bothered to collect for my birthday or even check when it was although I’d given money to birthday collections, leaving collections and even a wedding anniversary collection. I stopped putting money in work collections altogether not long after that. I’d suggest you do the same. Put a donation for yourself aside every time you’re asked and spend it on something you want for your birthday!

Work colleagues aren’t friends. They may become true friends in time if you build up a relationship with them outside of work, but if you just interact with them at work you are likely to be friendly colleagues. I agree with PPs that it is time to stop the workplace gifts - if it’s £10 per person to contribute to a gift that is a lot. Maybe have a think about who you are the closest to and if they appear to reciprocate the friendship put your energy into that relationship instead of the whole office. Or if there isn’t anyone at work you are particularly close to put the money you would have spent on gifts on a new hobby or club?

Stop the collections for non big birthdays, nobody will mind, they will more likely be grateful.

Ive worked on teams where I adore my colleagues, I wouldn’t want or need this.

I’m sorry they missed your birthday, you deserve better but you can stop it all now with no guilt at all. They’re colleagues not family.

Stop doing it.

Don’t blame you for being upset OP. I’d just stop it from now on. If anyone questions it just say ‘Ah I thought it might be getting too much for people’. And let someone else organise leaving presents or anything else like that from now on. Don’t lift a finger!

I’m sorry you got hurt and it’s lovely that you want to treat everyone and make a them feel special but this level of involvement is pretty unheard of. Most workplaces have collections for weddings, babies, significant birthdays but £10 for every colleagues birthday every year is a bit much. Celebrating a work anniversary is usually done with cake (if at all). I think you need to lower your expectations for such events and the pressure. It is pretty crappy that they didn’t even get you a card but I’m sorry to say I think you’ve made the mistake of assuming that something that is important to you should automatically be important to everyone else.

I get that you feel rejected by this and it's very unfair that they didn't reciprocate your kindness for your birthday. I'd be upset, too. But they're probably just thoughtless. As others have said, I would not bother with theirs in future and see if anyone says anything.

Don't do anything you don't get paid for - the birthday gifts, lifts, picking things up. It's a thankless task and the reality is if you left the job tomorrow any contact with these people would dwindle very quickly. The important thing is you have a friend close enough to have spent your birthday away with!

This shoulf not happen in the workplace enough is enough no one should have to donate to colleagues birthdays

That’s sucks , I’d be pissed off too. It’s hurtful when you put the effort in for others and it’s not reciprocated. X

Sorry they ignored your birthday.

However, £10 for every colleague's birthday is too much. I put a stop to this when I joined a new organisation and changed it so each of us was responsible for sorting 1 card and cake or biscuits for one other person's birthday. That way, it's not all left to one person, everyone gets acknowledged on their birthday, but we all saved money. Worked fine.

You sound lovely OP but this is all too much. Stop with the present collections. I doubt they want to do it but feel obliged to. This is your sign to duck out from now on.

It's lovely that you want to make people feel special on their birthdays but clearly not everyone feels the same way as you do. You are making way too much effort and its putting pressure on people to do the same when clearly, they dont want to.

I also agree that asking colleagues to spend £70 a year on their colleagues is too much. You dont know what financial circumstances people might be in. A simple card or a bunch of flowers is more than enough.

You need to relax a bit OP- this is too much.

I perform this role in my workplace and thoroughly accept that I’m likely to be overlooked for that reason. I do it because we don’t get any perks at all in the sector I work in, we do it very much for the love of it and it can be a thankless task so it’s good for morale to celebrate things like birthdays. I don’t know if anyone would bother doing it if I didn’t. But I do a digital card and some cakes and don’t ask for final contributions . Perhaps ask everyone to give a small amount that covers the whole year, so that you can buy some cakes instead of larger gifts.

I used to be the birthday organiser for my workplace , and gave up when no one reciprocated. I know how you feel.

Time to stop being the organiser.

My work colleagues are not my friends. A donation for a one off event - wedding, leaving etc fine, but I wouldn’t expect to otherwise. I like them, I have better things to spend my money on and would resent having to contribute. In a small team if 7 it would be hard to be the one not to join in.

I would be so uncomfortable working in a place where I was put on the spot with gifts like this. You might think you're being kind and spoiling people, but not everyone likes this type of attention... or the cost!

you’re putting way too much importance on your relationship with your colleagues. £10 a go is way too much to be giving. Nobody will mind if you stop doing it