Colleagues missed my birthday

This sounds like something out of primary school. You're an adult, you don't need to have your birthday acknowledged by people you work with or anyone else for that matter. 🙄

In my workplace we do collections for leaving or big birthdays. I’ve found that everyone is happy to give some money, but no one wants to actually do the collecting, buying and getting everyone to sign the card. At the end of this year I’m going to ask that we put it to a vote to stop it or not. It’s not my job to do, but it seems to get pushed to me to do because others can’t be bothered. I’m so sorry they didn’t arrange something for you. Could you do similar and ask if people want to take turns or stop entirely?

I couldn't participate in a perpetual tenner passing on. Maybe they don't enjoy this?
Lifts, shopping, employment anniversaries etc are very intense, just opt out.

I loved reading this- sounds like a lovely community that you are part of- I'm envious.

That's fascinating about Italy, @ElleintheWoods. Which city or area are you working in?

Its not just £10 is it? Its the additional collections when someone gets engaged/married/parents die, etc.

I would take this that everyone would like to stop.

Also if you think anyone really took any notice of the social media posts and didn't just comment "Happy birthday!" out of habit then you're probably wrong

They probably didn't even really take in whose birthday they commented on

They're telling you they don't want to do it any more.

I am in a team of 4 and we do get each other gifts for birthdays. However, it's all done individually so nobody is tasked with organising.

Personally, I'm not great at doing collections and organising big group gifts so would prefer to do my own thing. So if you had been my colleague, I would have brought you a card and present just from me.

Better for each to spend £70 of their money on themselves. We used to do this. It got ridiculous.
Crap they didn’t consider you. From now it should be “best wishes”, and assume this is the q from them to stop.

I’m sorry but I think this kind of mentality leads to the current lack of community and caring about other humans. This kind of mentality is the main reason why I’m considering emigrating and it’s becoming so widespread.

I work in Italy half the time and all we do all day long is random acts of kindness, both at work and outside. If I need any help, absolutely anybody would go out of their way to help me. Likewise I’d help anyone or brighten their day, eg buy a stranger a coffee, give them a free metro ticket, whatever. If I’m lost, somebody will probably personally deliver me to where I need to be. A man recently drove me to another country when my taxi cancelled. Old people are cared for by random younger people. That’s what community means.

Things don’t need to be quid pro quo and transactional, you know. I pick up a girl on my way to work, wouldn’t dream of asking her to pay petrol money.

On the birthday topic… it’s happened to me, they usually forget and then find out and are horrified and fix it.

OP, it seems you genuinely enjoy gift giving and bringing everyone together. If making others smile makes you happy, just carry on as you were.

It’s not great they forgot and are disorganised, but you don’t seem like you give to receive.

My best friend is like that, she picks up random little bits for people to cheer them up and does favours when it suits her. Everyone loves her cos even on the cloudiest day, she’s the silver lining

Just stop doing it. I'd imagine most will be relieved.

It’s the perfect time to stop and I’m sure others will be relieved too.

This

It’s a good time to stop the collections; I doubt anyone will mind. If anyone wants to buy cards and presents they can choose to do so. I’d find £10 a lot to find for a colleagues birthday and resent being press-ganged into it. It’s meaningless if it isn’t freely given.

Organising collections is an absolute ball-ache so perhaps it is just that no-one wants to do it when the usual organiser (you) is not around. Still a bit shit for you though, but probably not personal.

This happened to me. A company I worked for always got a birthday cake for everyone and for things like weddings, baby showers they’d always do something special. It would t necessarily be one person taking charge each team would generally have a go to person who'd do any team related organising but the GMs p.a would generally do big things, for my team I’d usually do any additional birthday lunches team leaving bits etc… Then I went on maternity leave, no one remembered to organise a shower or even leaving gift for me. I’m not an emotional person, it takes a lot for me to cry but I remember my last day walking to my car sobbing. What pissed me off even more was there had been a baby shower and wedding for 2 people that weren’t even in our department but our GM wanted to do something for them for helping us out and we all bought them a seperate gift from us as a group on top of the company paying for stuff.

I actually phoned my boss and called him a fucking wanker! He tried to say he’d only been in the job a month, I pointed out he’d known me for 4 years, I was the one who got him the job with the company 2 years previously and the only reason he was my boss now was because I didn’t go for tge job because I was due to go on maternity leave! The next day I got a bunch of stuff sent to me via urgent courier but it was too late I was so fucked off I never organised anything for anyone else for the remaining 3 years I was in the job.

Sorry, I read this several times as “stop doing heroin”. Good advice I thought but wasn’t what OP asked….

Oh OP, no. You said it yourself: you’re the most senior. Gifting should not flow up (google it). It’s inappropriate to expect staff more junior than you to buy you presents. Also £10 per birthday each is insane.

Im sorry, this sucks. But maybe it is time to stop the collections. Maybe time to make 'rules' with the manager. Basically collections for 50th, baby, wedding and retirement or whatever you think is appropriate.

I suspect it was lack of thought on everyone's part rather than anything else.
As far as they are concerned, the presents 'just sort of happen'. None of them give any thought to remembering dates or organising collections or choosing the present or wrapping it, or getting a card or getting the card signed, it all just "happens". So naturally, if the person who makes it happen can't make it happen for themself, then it doesn't happen. You would have needed for there to be at least one other person involved.

However I agree with everyone else. All this present giving sounds completely over the top.
The cost, the hassle, even the attention is too much for many people.

YANBU to feel a little aggrieved, BUT YABU to be doing all this in the first place.

This is all too much. Time to stop all the collections.

£70 on colleagues birthdays per year? I am not going to lie , I am glad I don't work there. that is ridiculous, sorry. A card or a happy birthday are perfectly sufficient in a workplace.

It's a bit shit you got nothing but maybe take the hint, read the room and stop this whole silly circus.

This ….. it sounds too much and intense. I’d hate to put in money ALL the time for colleagues we are professionals not kids at a party

Sack it off and buy yourself a present with the £70 you’ll save