Colleagues missed my birthday

that happened in our organisation
no definite amount was ever suggested and the usual organiser i assume got far less for her birthday
the collector was blamed
and it was decided to only buy for special birthdays

I agree with this. I’d just leave it from
now on and at most do a birthday card that people sign.

Close family yes and even then a happy birthday is more than enough, colleagues no i never want them to remember

Are you a manager, that might be why? Otherwise, stop right now, it's as easy as that.

I hate all this contributing to birthdays of people that I'm not really invested in.

I would really dislike that much gift giving at work. Id imagine a lot of them are just doing it as they feel obligated and that is why they didn't organize when you weren't initiatied. My workmates are really close and none acknowledges birthday s

You do you. But I think it would be a hard hearted adult indeed to have made a lot of effort for somebody's birthday.And for nobody to make any effort back for yours.

My mother died about a year ago and she still used to make a real fuss about my birthday.Because, you know she gave birth to me. It was a big deal for her as well to remember the day she had me. Now that she's gone I still feel that there's something missing.Ive had one birthday without her and it made me sad.

Nobody else made such a fuss of my birthday and if people like you would say it's pathetic and webshould grow up well fuck off.

A birthday is a little bit of a special day amidst all the other boring monotony of the rest of the year. And if absolutely nobody acknowledged somebody's birthday, I think it would be a very hard hearted adult to not be upset.

I bet you ve never had a birthday absolutely nobody acknowledged it.And if not, I hope you do.

Do they usually get you something? When did you get promoted to their senior?

In my workplace this is the kind of thing that senior staff do for ‘their’ employees, but not the other way round. They also might buy their reports Christmas presents, buy a round of drinks at a meal etc but it doesn’t happen the other way round.

Children would be upset, not adults. It’s pathetic.

SO MUCH EASIER to just not do birthday stuff at work. What you’ve been doing sounds like a massive faff and I agree sounds costly for everyone involved.

I only did cards and presents for my actual close friends at work.

Sorry if I sound mean or too black and white but a job is a job. I know my work colleagues and have a “relationship” with them because I have to. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them but once I leave the work place I’m not thinking about them and I have my actually friends and family and life to be getting on with.

If you weren’t in the office for you actually birthday I wouldn’t think twice about not chasing you down to shower you in happy birthday celebrations. If you were there I’d say happy birthday and make small talk asking what you have planned etc.

I also don’t think people should have to contribute to birthday gifts at work. I have a list as long as my arm of family members and friends that I already have to buy for, I don’t need the added expense of another 8+ people per year at work to shell out for.

It’s really not that deep.

I thought it was going to read £10 between you all. £10 each is ridiculous and I adore the team I work with. What would happen if there were 3 birthdays in May? Token gift for milestone birthdays otherwise a card signed by everyone. I’d be pissed if they forgot mine, but I always take cakes in so they would have realised pretty quickly.

It all sounds way OTT. Spending £70 on a gift for a work colleague is ridiculous.

Everywhere I’ve worked the birthday person brings in a cake or some chocolates if they want to but nobody cares if they don’t.

Yes I tried to stop it once too, when the main organiser went on mat leave. But it wouldn’t die and here we still are 😂. Nobody is ever forgotten. And if I was at least I’d be comfortable enough asking for my share!

This is such a hard one. I also love to buy gifts and do little treats and be thoughtful but you have to do it because you enjoy the giving and appreciate that not everyone works in the same way or sooner or later you will end up disappointed… I’m sorry they’ve made you feel shitty, think about whether you’d feel better or worse for stopping your own gift buying. It may be a good time to reflect on whether others are happy with the financial collections though, this can be a real burden for people.

Years ago this happened to me. For months the “birthday tax” as we all called it was organised by one woman for every birthday. Then mine was overlooked, so I said I wouldn’t contribute anymore. Everyone else piled on saying how relieved they were and happy it was going to stop - as they also said no to further contributions.

My team do this. We know each other well and are established colleagues. And while it’s nice to be thought of, to me it’s just a perpetual passing on of a tenner too. I used to hate it, sometimes £10 really did seem more than I wanted to give, but now I just look forward to getting it all back on my turn like some kind of savings club. Silly really but understand how this would be disappointing for you, OP.

Sorry OP but if I was your colleague I would be annoyed to have to give £10 towards my colleagues' birthday presents. I don't spend that much on my brother or my best friend! (Unless it's a big birthday.) I probably wouldn't tell you this outright as you sound like a nice person, but I would be inwardly cross about it.

I think this is a sign they don't want the collections to continue.

I agree. You can dress it up as cost of living, not wanting to embarrass anyone who may be financially stretched etc, if you wish.

I’m not surprised you’re upset that your birthday was missed.

BUT this is not okay. 8 people in the team and you’re all putting in £10 for a collection for every birthday? That is way too much! I just would not be participating in this if I worked there.

I’m in north Italy but not in a big city.

However generally I find this all over Italy, probably more so in the south. And I’ve experienced this in many Latin cultures very consistently, eg Colombia, Peru, Brazil, Spain. There was a post on here not long ago accusing young Italian neighbours of an elderly aunt of being scammers because they talked to her and helped her with groceries. Whereas they were just… being human?

My general life experience is that having a kind and open attitude to people and doing what you can to make their day better makes yourself feel better, and while not giving to receive, others pick up on your energy and will be kind to you. Maybe not everyone in Italy has the same experience, but perhaps my demeanour is related to experiencing world in this way.

OP may have had a one-off blip being let down by colleagues, but I’m sure she gets joy from what she does.

Do you also do secret santa?

If there are 8 of you, contributing £10 each is £70, it's a bit much for an ordinary birthday. As is giving people vouchers for their work anniversary. It is unkind of them not to return the favour to you but do you think they just want the ott gift giving to stop and this is their clumsy way of putting a stop to it?

I run the birthday collections

Well there's your problem.

Oh come on.

Most people would be upset if no one at all acknowledged their birthday

I understand why you're upset. That's crap of them.

But I do think the birthday stuff in work isn't a good idea. Because its unnecessary and shit like this can happen.

I would stop doing it. Stop arranging it and stop chipping in. You were doing too much. This is your out.

Happy birthday. Your colleagues don't really matter. They're just colleagues.