Colleagues missed my birthday

It's blindingly obvious that, although this Birthday ritual is a big thing to you, this isn't in the slightest bit important to them. Just forget the whole thing from now on.

Eh? -why on earth would I be embarrassed?- noone has ignored my birthday!

OP has clarified that she earns more than everyone else, they dont even work for the same business and doesnt seem to get that people under financial constraints might feel uncomfortable saying no.

Clearly, they dont want to continue doing this otherwise they would have in fact, bought her a gift wouldnt they?

I think I be upset too. Maybe now is time to stop doing it and its same ones left to organise it

How is it embarrassing for her? She’s quoting the op directly from another thread where she’s said something different about her career. Kind of embarrassing for you though 🥴.

Oh dear. This is embarrassing for you considering the OP's update to say she and others rent a chair in a beauty salon!

Based on your latest update it makes sense that you’d feel hurt, as over the years (months?) you've put a lot of time and thought into maintaining a sense of camaraderie. I get how important this is especially when you're self-employed, but maybe this is proof that the birthday collections have run their course. They depend solely on you to hold the organisation and emotional tone, even if everyone says they’re 'fine with it'. At this point I'd stop doing this completely. It doesn’t need to be framed as a reaction to being forgotten, just a practical decision that it’s not sustainable or fair. If people want to mark birthdays, they can do it informally without a system that places all the responsibility on you.

You've mentioned that they work less hours because they have younger children and that's probably another reason why a £10 collection several times a year might feel too taxing. It's a lot in the current climate.

Out of curiosity, is this the first time that your birthday has come around since setting up the system? And if it isn't, what happened in previous birthdays?

They clearly weren’t happy to give money for your gift. Knock it on the head, this is a clear message that you are the one keeping it going.

How do you know they're happy to give the money? Just because they haven't said they're not happy? Honestly I think they would prefer not to, but don't like to tell you that because they don't want to upset you.

I usually agree. Often it’s done in a really intrusive way on threads about sensitive issues. But here it seems fair enough. OP left out a key bit of information by calling it her “workplace” not her business. It’s hardly terribly personal, just misleading.

When something isnt coming across as quite right it can be helpful to make sense of it and it does in this case.

Calling it "grubbing" makes zero difference to me. I dont care if you think its "grubby" 🤣

I never understand why people go grubbing around in an OP's past posts.

As a result of not getting 'the bumps' on a BIG birthday, I was so upset I screwed the country (apparently) and left almost immediately...

That'll show 'em, I thought - and it did!

I wouldn't take part in anything like this as its just too much pressure throughout the year on top of everything else.

Don't give just to receive.

On a previous thread OP said: "I now run my own very successful small local business. Open your mind and do something with your life instead of sitting thinking others are going around educated and have an advantage"

It's her business. That or she is lying.

Sounds like they want to stop it so use this as an opportunity to do so.

Where have you got that from ?

I think this is great

Optional, fair, modest amount, no one left out by accident

It's the OP's own business?? Seriously?? So they're not your colleagues OP, they're your employees!!

In my previous job it was the responsibility of the person whose birthday it was to bring in cake/donuts for everyone. It wasn’t obligatory but was a nice way to celebrate. No gifts were expected.

Oh?

Then very much so!

The colleagues feel compelled to donate because it's the boss asking!

There is a general rule that presents flow downwards in the workplace, not upwards.

Hopefully OP now understands this.

Way too intense, OP. Why are you such a doormat at work? You don’t need the validation. Stop putting yourself out for others, they clearly aren’t bothered.

Yes indeed- particularly if 'on paper' you look solvent.

Like I said in my earlier post - it's never safe to assume that you have any idea of the financial strains other people have. And it might 'only be a tenner' (times 7 for each colleague) but it's all the other 'only a tenners' that add up.

Nope. You have no idea that they are all fine with contributing £10. It is the OP's own business and she is the boss so of course they are going to say its fine, they probably feel obliged.

Do you realise how shitty it makes you feel to admit you cannot afford something like this? its mortifying.