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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don’t think I’m BU but what the fuck do I do now

140 replies

Letyy · 31/10/2025 19:45

Have a 7 month old with DP. Found out this week that he’s been snorting coke in the house while working from home. Initially he said it was a one off but turns out he does it when stressed. He works in banking and it is highly stressful but I’ve asked him to leave. I don’t know where to go from here. I have no other support as we moved from UK overseas for his work

OP posts:
tupils · 31/10/2025 20:13

I understand it’s scary, and while it’s good to be aware of the worst case scenario, things might not have got there yet.

Does he acknowledge that this is a problem and that it needs to change?
Can he go to narcotics anonymous or equivalent help in your country?
Can you find out how long he’s been taking the drugs? If not too long, it will hopefully be easier to kick the habit himself. If a long time, he might need to go to rehab.
Do you have money to throw at this problem?

Marmaladegin · 31/10/2025 20:10

I don’t do high drama generally but honestly OP if I thought I would have difficulty leaving this relationship I’d confide in a family member, get them to visit me and stay in a nearby hotel secretly and gradually move my stuff into the hotel over the course of a week and then do a flit with my child back to uk. Without a backward glance

MissAmbrosia · 31/10/2025 20:06

Please please do not remove your child from the country without advice.

THISbitchingwitch · 31/10/2025 20:04

This is not good op

Was your child born in the UK? Do you have family who can support you? Do you have access to money?

TheCurious0range · 31/10/2025 20:04

Make up a family emergency, come back, once you are here tell him you're leaving him

Munchyseeds2 · 31/10/2025 20:02

I would be getting back to the UK if I were you....make up some family reason?

MissAmbrosia · 31/10/2025 20:02

Which country are you in? You need legal advice before trying to leave the country with your dc because of the Hague Convention. Please just don't leave.

Sassylovesbooks · 31/10/2025 20:02

I agree with another poster, taking coke during the day, whilst working from home due to 'stress' is not normal. Unfortunately, it's highly likely he has a serious coke addiction. Of course he's going to tell you he's not an addict and only takes it when he's stressed. Addicts lie, and they will look you in the eye and tell a bare faced one too. He's not reached the point where he can admit to himself that he has a problem. Sadly, most have to hit rock bottom, before they will seek help.

Original poster
Letyy · 31/10/2025 19:56

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 31/10/2025 19:55

Taking coke to get through a day of work at home is not normal. He obviously has a drug problem. How has it gone unnoticed I do not know!?!

@Ihavepaidalotforthisstory he works long hours, I don’t see him between 9am and 8pm. I’ve never seen any in the house

OP posts:
Original poster
Letyy · 31/10/2025 19:56

Moveoverdarlin · 31/10/2025 19:53

Taking it at a party or social setting is one thing. Taking it at home during the working day is a problem. Quite a major problem I would say.

@Moveoverdarlin he is saying he’s not addicted and only does it when he’s stressed. I didn’t think it was too horrendous but confided in my friend and she’s been horrified and said it’s a step away from heroin etc and now I just feel so scared about the future

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 31/10/2025 19:55

Was your child born in the country you are currently living in? Can you legally come back to the UK with your child? Some countries (the Middle East especially) won't allow a child out of the country, without the Dad's permission. Is your residence in this county riding on your husband's job? In other words, if he were to be sacked, you'd have to come home? What if you separated, would that mean you'd have no right to live in this country? Yes, you've taken the correct course of action by asking him to leave. However, depending on the answers to the questions above, may determine what happens going forward.

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 31/10/2025 19:55

Taking coke to get through a day of work at home is not normal. He obviously has a drug problem. How has it gone unnoticed I do not know!?!

Original poster
Letyy · 31/10/2025 19:55

Motnight · 31/10/2025 19:48

Can you move back to the UK, Op? Would you want to? You don't need to say where you are at the moment, but what are the laws around drugs?

It's an awful situation you have been put in.

@Motnight I found out while back in the uk. I don’t even know the cost of the habit as I’ve never done drugs ever. I feel out of my depth. I think he would try and stop me moving home to uk

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 31/10/2025 19:53

Taking it at a party or social setting is one thing. Taking it at home during the working day is a problem. Quite a major problem I would say.

Motnight · 31/10/2025 19:48

Can you move back to the UK, Op? Would you want to? You don't need to say where you are at the moment, but what are the laws around drugs?

It's an awful situation you have been put in.