I don’t think I’m BU but what the fuck do I do now

That’s insane… like addict level insane. Lots of people have tried it at a nightclub. To do it at home, alone, during the day, while working is serious serious addiction level. I used to hang out with a lot of causal users in my 20s… none did it alone or while working.

I’ve also never heard of someone taking coke - major stimulant - to deal with stress. It makes you MORE stressed if anything.

If your baby accidentally ingested just a tiny amount they could have seizures and die. An infant died after sucking his father’s finger that had traces on it in 2007.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna25257616

Not good. Even if he isn't addicted, the people who he's getting it off are not people you want around. You could ring a drug recovery group or helpline for advice about it. They would have lots of experience in dealing with people taking cocaine

I know a lot of people that use coke recreationally. I also have known some people with severe addictions.

1. Its really expensive.
2. It causes extreme mood swings.
3. Doing it in the work day is way past recreational use and falls into major problem and addiction, whatever he tries to say about it, doing it int he work day, daily, is a major dependancy and probablematic addiction territory. I don't know anyone that does this and hasnt come to some major issue occurring to impact their health, finances or life .
4. You can come back from any addiciton. You just need to really want to. Some people really don't want to and theres nothing anyone can say or do to make them.
5. You should really leave and tell him you will take him back if he proves he has got help to stop.
6. Some people do in fact manage to live seemingly normal lives with addiction, but in the end it will ruin everything. Maybe not now, maybe years down the line. But if you stick around you will have to live with the fact that day will come if he doesnt stop and that it will be a major event. Its playing with fire to stay.

Where is your child ordinarily resident, and where are they/you now?

I am confused.

Just make sure you never leave him alone with your baby!

The friend is being OTT re he'll be smoking crack next week. However taking coke when you feel stressed during a working day is not just the kind of recreational use you could classify as normal.

I think if the OP gets herself back to England they can both get some perspective - if she doesn't want to stay she's in a better position and if she does want to work it out then he will have realised he needs to engage or loose his family.

This

It'll all be easier to deal with from the UK.

It not being unusual is no excuse, nor is the 'stressful job'. I find men like this pathetic frankly, he needs to grow up. Life has stresses, that's normal, turning to drugs is not normal, responsible, safe or acceptable. Especially when you have a young child to be a role model for.

Your friend sounds very melodramatic OP. I am very anti drugs but I think a previous poster is right that it’s not that unusual in professional, middle class circles. I really don’t think it’s a route to harder stuff.

I’d be encouraging him to find a less stressful career/new role. Do you also plan to go back to work to share the financial burden/stress after maternity leave?

Chances are there would be serious consequences for his work if they found out. Do you have any proof? Speak to a lawyer about where you stand.

OP if he’s taking it at home during the day , it’s not good ..
That’s a problem..
Him saying to you he only takes it when he is stressed is bullshit , don’t you know he’s going to down play it ..
Bottom line is he needs professional help ..
If you guys stand a chance he needs to go to rehab right now ..
You Can fit a lot into that little bag he gets his coke in ..
His Wife, his child, his home , his job ..
Remind him of that ..x

I'm confused. So are you back in the UK with the nipper currently @Letyy ?

Unfortunately this is very true. Also the people telling you to bring your baby back the UK without his permission are setting you up to lose custody of your child. Under the Hague Convention that is kidnapping

There are lots of stressful jobs, it is no excuse. Of course he is addicted, you should not be letting him anywhere near your baby. Your priority must be to keep your child safe.

It's not. My X and his bestie had been occasionally taking coke and MDMA for 25 years, about 6 times a year.

It's sadly very common in banking, media, male dominated professions and high paying salaried roles.

Cocaine is not a gateway drug. It's the drug people take after taking gateway drugs. Your friend doesn't know what they're talking about

Unpopular opinion(?)

You have a 7 m old and arent married unless you are making 100k a year and can afford the mortgage solo I'd think twice and wouldnt be rushing to end it.

There are shades between doing nothing and ending the relationship.

Yes - its bad. But honestly very common in banking...

If the relationship is otherwise good - I'd be looking at counselling for him and maybe couples counselling (his private medical will likely cover both for free) and give him a chance to clean up his act. Maybe an NA group ...or rehab if needed? (he sounds recreational ish though)
If he just wanted to keep using and loved it more than his family then I'd def leave.

If he's taking it at home alone then yes, he's addicted and that's a big problem.

However, it's nothing like heroin.

Which country are you in? Did you find out about this when you were back in the UK or before you emigrated with him?

A friend of mine found herself in a similar situation. She stayed with her husband and he stopped taking cocaine, they’re still happily married 14 years later. Not saying it was easy for her but just to give you some hope.

I don't know anything about drugs but from what I've heard, it's very common for people to take coke. Especially middle class people. Maybe you should read up about it and it's effects? I don't think it means he's a threat to the family. There are much worse drugs (ketamine?)

Also coke can turn you violent. If he carries on taking it he could suddenly turn on you or the baby. You absolutely should leave (or he leaves).

Sorry OP I’ve had no experience of illicit drugs but, from all I’ve heard and read, if he’s taking coke frequently to get through a day’s work, he is an addict. You and your child need to get away somehow NOW!

I would say that it’s very common in banking. It doesn’t make it right but you might find talking to some of the partners of his colleagues could give you a realistic view of what his lifestyle really is, and that might help you to make a more informed decision about whether you want to end things or try to salvage your relationship.