I don’t think I’m BU but what the fuck do I do now

He’s sounds like a baby and I wouldn’t leave my baby with a grown baby

Yeah, this makes him some one who can’t stop by himself. First of all cocaine isnt addictive. It’s on,y addictive if you have the personality for that high. So, to me hes likes it. So you have to decide if you can live with it.

It seems like the word addict is tripping you up... Regardless if you want to use that word or not the situation shows he is regularly abusing cocaine and depending on it to meet a psychological need.

What I would say given the circumstances:

• he is almost certainly doing more coke more often than he will admit to you (and probably himself)
• he is probably in denial about having a problem with it
• he won't be able to give up until he has accepted he has a problem and is self motivated to stop
• be aware he may be drug-driving. This would worry me especially if he is so accustomed to taking the coke that he's doing his work etc on it- he must feel pretty confident and in control on it.
• as above, is he looking after your baby alone? He could be on coke.
• coke is very expensive (in the UK at least) and he could be spending significant amounts that he won't admit to.

Please be sure you know what the legal situation is where you are!

I don't think it has to be the end of the relationship if he gives it up and stays clean, but he needs to want to change for himself and start being honest, to himself and to you.

Presume you are ok to buy Primark snd such though?
or typing this from you smartphone - have you heard about child labour in cobalt mines?

selective outrage is pathetic

I mean, it is drug habit but it’s also pretty common one among bankers etc because it keeps them awake alert and focused.
it’s NOT a road to heroin, why do you listen to that? That’s a bit ridiculous. It’s not the same as heroin.

what would you if you’d find out he was an alcoholic? Do that.

He's doing Coke while working. He's addicted,

Leave him, it's the only sensible choice.

Most countries, those signed up to The Hague convention, are the same. If one parent takes a child out of the country where they have lived the majority of their life to move to another country, without the other parents permission, there will be an international arrest warrant put out for them.

You are living with a drug addict. Leave him

That actually doesn't matter. He's using in the house of course he's going to say it's because of stress, he's not addicted etc that's the usual.

If he needs it when he’s stressed then yes, he’s addicted

You didnt think it was too horrendous?!? If hes doing it in the house hes keeping it in the house... where DC could potentially injest it.

Does he drive DC places? Watch them unsupervised? The risks of him casually destressing with coke in the house are huge

And yes, this as well.

It's common in banking but that doesn't make it any less serious. Bankers have the same physiology as the rest of us.

Yeah this was my main issue. I’m not by any stretch a saint but from an ethical standpoint cocaine is fairly abhorrent.

(Funny that most of mumsnet gets freaked out about a bit of accidental shoplifting from Tesco but is totally fine with funding slave labour and deforestation?)

Hear hear @WishinAndHopin !! I was hoping there would be a comment about the bigger picture!

It sounds like he is addicted and in denial. He is taking it in your home while he is working. Cocaine may be a middle class drug but it’s highly addictive with many health risks. Those people who die young is because it damages the heart.

I would too. The substance itself or having a knowledge of a particular substance is irrelevant IMO. If you're using something go get through your day, something is wrong.

It's worth noting that taking cocaine is morally wrong. Each line destroys 3 square meters of Amazon rainforest, and funds the murderous cartels who produce and traffic the drugs.

Your husband is funding the murder of people in developing countries because he is stressed. Put that to him.

I'm sick of cocaine being minimised and normalised by selfish middle class people. @sunsu , you are a disgrace.

AIBU?

I’ve been married 6 years, together for 9 with my husband. He used to go out drinking a couple of weekends a month but has cut down a lot since we had our first child. The problem is, when he does go out it’s not for a couple of pints. He ends up coming back at all hours of the morning.

I am 10 weeks postpartum with baby no 2. Hubby has a very stressful job and today decided to go to the pub with his friends after work. 5 hours later he is still not home. I have a bad cold and he knows it’s so hard putting 2 children down to sleep.

He says I am always difficult when he goes out with his friends, messaging when gets going to be home etc and making him feel bad.

But from my perspective, he gets to go to the gym and also plays football twice a week and that’s more than most husbands.

He also says I gaslight him? AITA?

I think deep down I am just disappointed because I wanted my husband to be the kind of person to make his family his whole life and priority/ not want to go out for hours like this.

Take legal advice before running the risks of being charged with parental abduction by returning to the UK

I knew someone in this position and the legal advice in both countries was no to risk leaving without a legal custody agreement

Some years ago there was a Hague Convention case in the EU country where I live where the mother returned here with her 7 year old dd (and 2 ds) and lost custody of the dd as a result and the dd was returned to the other country.

Cool. Maybe you could have left yours in a house with baggies of coke lying around and they'd have been fine then. Mine wouldnt have been. Weird, it's almost like different kids are different 🤔

This
I think you need to have a very open conversation.
I don't think you should end the relationship at this point.
There is every chance this can be worked through
Fwiw, I agree that this is more common than people realise

I think the difference is that they took it recreationally and stopped - lots of people take mdma, coke, weed etc in their 20s and even early 30s and stop as they grow out of it. That isn’t addiction (though obviously still has risks/is morally and legally dubious).

OP’s DH is ramping up his use to the point he is taking coke at home during working hours. That is dependence, not recreation, and at a stage in life (married with a baby) when most men are growing up/discovering cycling etc instead of ramping up their drug use. It’s more worrying than “finance bro in his 20s taking coke on a work night out” would be.

This, 100%. Your friend is talking nonsense. If that's what you're going on, I suggest you get your information from a more reliable source. I'm not saying it's something to be overlooked, but I've known a lot of coke users over the years, sadly, and going onto heroin was not on the cards at all.

Aside from what everyone else is saying, which country are you living in? How illegal is it there?