Hi everyone I don’t even really know why I’m posting, I think I just need to get it out somewhere.
My DS (5) is nonverbal and has ADHD, ASD, learning difficulties and developmental delay. He’s in mainstream school at the moment with a 1:1. I also have DD (8) and DS2 (3). It’s been half term this week and honestly I feel like I’ve been hanging on by a thread.
DS1 has been up from around 4 most mornings, constant noise, throwing things, tipping stuff over, just full on from the moment he wakes up. He’s got no danger awareness so I can’t even go to the loo without worrying what he’s doing. DH has been working long hours and it’s mostly been me on my own with them.
I’ve tried to do little things with them, baking, park, crafts etc but it always ends up in chaos and I’m so tired I could cry. DD has been really patient but I can tell she’s fed up and I feel like the worst mum in the world.
We’re meant to be going to Haven next week for a few days, it’s been booked for ages, but I just can’t face it. The packing, the drive, the meltdowns, the noise, trying to keep everyone safe. I keep thinking it’s supposed to be a “break” but it won’t be, it’ll just be the same stuff in a smaller space.
But the other two are so excited and I feel like if I cancel it I’ll ruin it for them. They’ve been talking about the swimming pool and the arcade for weeks. I just don’t know what to do.
Part of me thinks I should just push through and go, maybe it’ll be better than I’m imagining, but another part of me feels like I’ve hit my limit and I can’t do another thing right now. I’m exhausted and feel completely burnt out.
Has anyone else ever cancelled something like this because it all just felt too much? Would I be unreasonable to just say we’re not going?
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.