“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

I don’t know, I would think you were in the minority tbh Op based on what I’ve heard, but admittedly I don’t have experience of being the age you are yet!

I am genuinely curious - can anyone else in their late 40s onwards chip in about their experiences/ability to get casual sex?

You say you get zero attention but most men of your age aren’t getting attention either from women while out and about. Men are approaching women less in general nowadays I guess, but I’d definitely say men at any age (exceptions aside) have to work harder to get sex than women.

And on dating sites, I think we all know the stats - it’s definitely women who have more options in terms of matches/sex. The issue as I’ve said is that’s all what a lot of the men want, even when a woman states clearly they’re looking for a relationship.

@verybighouseinthecountry totally this! My husband and l were amused somewhat by the guy in throuple. He gave me the cringe

No thanks. I couldn't be arsed. If I had my time again, I'd stay single and take out shares in lovehoney instead.

I think people who want to be edgy think it’s cool, but I suspect it’s more popular with men than women. I can’t think of anything worse.

I’ve seen several couples I know try it, and it’s never worked long term, and it’s interesting that it didn’t work out for Lily & David.

God no. Just the thought of having to make time to have sex with more than one person has me exhausted!

I don’t know many women in their mid 50s and the few I do are married but from online stories, even on MN it does still seem to hold up that their issue is not a lack of men to have casual sex with but men to have relationships with. Men are typically the ones struggling to get casual sex surely? Especially ones in their 50s.

I generally wouldn’t even entertain men in their 50s and I know despite the propaganda about young women in their 20s wanting “older men” many don’t either! And if they do it’s because he’s exceptionally wealthy and generous with it! But realistically younger women tend to go for men a few years within their age.

Yep.

I don’t really go out much or to the gym but I’ve been hit on in recent years on trains, by delivery drivers, in airports etc.

I don’t see that stopping in a couple of years just because I’ll turn 40. It doesn’t even feel like a compliment IMO, in fact I often feel insulted because I know I could be anyone. They just want sex with a warm body!

I have a friend who never gets hit on and she’s absolutely stunning - I think she intimidates the men.

Absolutely the fuck not. I have no interest in being with other men and even less interest in my husband going anywhere near any other women!

Tough one.

I think there’s difference in having an open relationship, to asking for an open relationship to address not being happy with sex.

What I do think is funny is there has been a few times when the man has asked for it, only to find the woman can get more sex than them.

It’s both of them.

Don’t make me out to be misogynistic, that’s really unkind.

I’m trapped with a man who contemplated cheating on me, and sent dick pics to another woman, just because she was available and threw herself at him.

I have no other family and can’t handle my kids medical needs on my own so I can’t leave.

But thanks for reminding me how much of a dick my husband is, I guess.

Exactly. I'm married/not looking for it and in my 40s, and I have had plenty of offers of sex or opportunities to get it if I so wanted it and I am no supermodel.

This was from men at work social events, men at my gym, on nights out with friends, at parties, etc Getting sex is really not difficult lolol

Yep, and many of these men going after women over 40 are younger men.

They may not want to settle down with an older woman but they’ll happily have sex with her. I’ve had to reject a lot of men in their mid 20s 😂 not interested at all, and I’m sure they’re just after sex.

And honestly the amount of men who will happily have sex with women they find to be unattractive inside and out is staggering. It’s a shame.

Some even have a theory that “fat/ugly” girls won’t say no or are “easy”. So men might even approach a woman specifically because they find her unattractive which is awful .

It's the "lifelong" I have a problem with, not the "monogamy". I did sort-of cheat on both husbands but that was a signal I was tired of the relationship, not that I wanted to keep the husband and play around.

I have no idea if I could've been satisfied with one partner for life, as I was crap at choosing a good one 😬

I think men would be more likely than women to want an open relationship, and most of them don't really want that, either. Like a pp said, I wouldn't want to share my husband, and I know he wouldn't want to share me. I think it diminishes the relationship to open it up to other participants. Would much rather be single for life than accept something other than monogamy.

I’m late 30s and my friends and acquaintances are 35-45 and their experiences are the same as me
in terms of men being extremely easy to get as far as sex goes.

I could flatter myself but the truth is men are not fussy when it comes to sex. It’s women who are more choosy.This is what I see online too.

Rare to see a woman in her 40s who can’t open an app or website and get nsa sex very quickly . If anything you’ll see stories of women trying to avoid that and that’s all men are offering. And men complaining they can’t get sex hence the term incel.

Where do you hear that women are struggling to get sex?

They may be struggling to get sex with kind empathetic intelligent men they like and connect deeply with but that’s not down to the way they look, that’s down to the women being selective.

I clicked the wrong AIBU there as I thought it was do I feel like I want that.. but god no! I’d say it’s more men if anything

A lot of bisexual women like to play away sometimes with hubby tolerating.

I have no interest in sex without a deep intellectual and emotional bond. I never have. An open relationship just would not work.

I know a lot of women who are aged 40-50 and they find it hard to find anyone... I guess it's ok if you are good looking but not all women are. If you are average looking (and especially not slim) and not young you will definitely find it hard

Hard to find a man to have sex with? - no way. Hard to find a lasting relationship- yes, possibly.

If being not good looking or not slim as you put it makes it harder, surely this would be hindrance at any age, not just over 40.

I know plenty of women over 40 who are finding it extremely easy to find sex post their divorce

Utter bollocks as far as I can see, as a middle aged, twice married mum of two. Nobody I know has yearned for this albeit some of my friends have had wild encounters of their own choosing. All settled down now-and happy ‘ish’.

Nope. I like monogamy. I'd lose my mind if DH was sleeping w/ another woman. No way in hell do I even want to bother to try to be cool with that. Plus, the thought of being with another man in a second relationship just makes me sad. I love DH and can't imagine being loving intimate w/ another man. A one-night stand w/ a hot guy (while I would still consider cheating and awful) isn't as bad as actually having an emotionally charged affair with someone.

And DH would more than lose his mind if I suggested something like that. Our marriage would be destroyed by the request alone.

When I was 20something and single, there were a few overlapping sex partners and I had some fun, but in no way was I committed to anyone. It used to be called dating or playing the field. Never was it considered something to take too seriously.

This gives me the 'I want to be edgy' and not grow up emotionally vibe.