“A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

Exactly, I’ve seen it on films and in the celeb world, but not in real life. People tend to be with people their own age.

They definitely do approach in bars.

Absolutely.. it’s just not been my experience at all. I’ve had more offers in my 40s than any other decade, from all ages.

That's really interesting. Who is your DH having sex with? Younger women?

The post above sums up my situation very well though it was my DH who suggested swinging and I went along with it, initially sceptical but now very much on board.

I find it makes sense for us. I'm 56, DH is 57, We've raised two kids who are both financially independent. As long as we're communicating with eachother it doesn't harm anyone. Fair to say I'm having the best sex of my life. Always plenty of choice, and they're definitely not all weirdos and deviants, and then I go home with my lovely DH.

I don't think it would have worked for us earlier in life when we were focused on building a secure family home. I understand the viewpoint of the majority of posters on this thread because mine would have been exactly the same a few short years ago.

I think it absolutely can work for some people. I don't think it would necessarily work for "most" people, and it takes more than an article about Lily Allen to prove it either way.

I have been swinging a few times and had an awesome time, but it's absolutely not for everyone. But by extension, it would imply that monogamy is no more for everyone than non-monogamy is. I'm not sure there's been decent research to say what "most" people prefer though.
There are many different ways an open relationship can look, from going swinging together to closed relationships with other people that are known about, or those where it's no sharing of details, no repeats, only strangers. People who do open relationships that work need to be very open and honest in their discussions and agreements about how it will work for them and to keep revisiting it - does what we agreed actually work for us both? Many people don't bother putting that much openness and honesty into monogamous relationships, so no, open relationships wouldn't work for them.

One thing where I would absolutely disagree with Lily Allen is in paying for it. I would only want to do it with people who have freely agreed to it, not been coerced and exploited into it.

DD, young and gorgeous, feels the same way. Dating one man is hard enough, she says.

I don't have the emotional bandwidth to think about another man.
Barely pay attention to the one I have!😂

I’m not clicking on The Guardian to give the site traffic for their stats to attract advertisers.

I assume it’s just thoughts spilling out of a journalists head and not peer approved research ?

Smells like total BS to me and can’t think of anything worse. The Guardian hates women they just dress it up in a different way and try and be clever about it.

@Itsacoldone I was approached by much older colleagues in my twenties, they were in their forties. I was actually repulsed as they were old enough to be my Dad.

Looks may attract initially but the vibe people give off counts for a lot. My mate is all the good things on paper as a woman. But I can see why men may not like her vibe as she is very uptight as a person and rarely laughs or relaxes.

I find men like a laugh, I worked in a male dominated environment for almost a decade. They don’t seem to worry about being liked. It’s why they can be more free and easy with what they say.

As pensioners in a lifelong monogamous relationship I'd say that it's worked for us. We may be boring but we're happy together.

Can't imagine the hassle of different partners.

People are saying they can't get relationships I think and if that is their experience, then it's valid.

I think the men are looking for younger women. That becomes a huge problem from around 35. And possibly also the. One poster mentioned women in their 50s rejecting a man in his 60s, but if you're a 56 year old women, I don't think it's that bad to have a man of 62.

Just pointing out that the idea that women don’t get offered sex over some random age is just online misogyny aiming to make women more keen to settle for men.

Yes, of course if it's offered on a plate.
Harder to get a relationship.

On the other hand, OP says she gets no attention, but men don't approach women they don't know in bars so much now. It's mainly online. Might be different if she joined whatsapp groups with lots of single men.

That column's just a bit of fun.

Oh really? Did you actually do this?

Is it because of a lack of offers, or because they don't like the available men?

apparently lots of open relationships are initiated by women - I think it’s the ones that chose to marry to nice sweet safe and stable but a bit boring and not all that sexy man. They get to early 40s and the women are in their prime and the men are in their pants farting while playing video games and the women want to feel desired but don’t want to leave the safety of their best mate that they love with, just want some incredible sex

At 49, overweight and no great looker, if I posted online saying I wanted no-strings sex I was literally wading knee deep in men and ‘couples’ (men) within about 5 minutes. Very slight reduction at 50, perhaps 7 minutes.

"Read the step-parenting threads and see what a complete nightmare the average blended family is. "

The average blended family's not complaining on the step-parenting threads though. People go there when they have problems. Same as the Relationships topic.

"Some even have a theory that “fat/ugly” girls won’t say no or are “easy”. So men might even approach a woman specifically because they find her unattractive which is awful ."

Yes, there was an old cartoon with the “fat/ugly” girl saying 'I'm not that kind of girl' at the end of the date and the man replying 'but you must be'.
I hoped that was outdated now though.

There was a younger man talking about his dalliances with older women on radio 4 a few years ago and a lot of women were really offended by what he said about them more or less being easy prey/desperate.

I don't think they are 'pushing it'. They're just looking for clicks as they need the money.

Stability is needed to raise stable people.The idea that you can have everything and do everything well is a myth.