Page 2 | “A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people, in particular women, want.” - Is it true that a lot of women want an open relationship?

localnotail · 2025-10-31T17:49:39+00:00

[[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/oct/31/open-marriage-relationships-society-trends-therapy ‘It’s risky business emotionally’: the social shift towards open relationships]] Just read this article - Lily Allen's new album inspired discussion about how open relationships are now all the rage and how common they are etc etc. I get this is a Guardian article and it panders to a certain demographic but still? What I find particularly weird is the psychologist who says its WOMEN who prefer non-monogamous relationship. I though women are primarily the ones getting hurt/ only do it because they fear to lose their shag around bloke (like Lily) unless they agree? And there are actually very few bog standard couples who would go down this route? Anyways - am I being unreasonable thinking this "open marriage" thing is slightly "out there" with polyamory and BDSM? Or is it really common and I'm being massively outdated in my views?

ShowerLimescale · 02/11/2025 10:29

Not for me. Far too much drama.

Original poster

localnotail · 02/11/2025 09:59

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 18:44

There are men with money everywhere but I see them with women their own age. I accept it might be different in certain areas

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I'm not sure what you mean by "areas" but ok, maybe.

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EBearhug · 01/11/2025 19:13

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 16:25

I applaud your energy. I am 53 and barely have enough energy to shave my legs!

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Going by my experience, this is a pretty common age for it.

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 18:44

localnotail · 01/11/2025 17:16

I think these "gold diggers" are everywhere... maybe older guys around you have nothing to offer (in terms of looks, money, status, experience, ect), but believe me - if they did, there would be a lot of young girls after them.

In the end of the day, open any romantic novel and see what some people find romantic ))) its hilarious.

I literally could not care less, just stating the obvious.

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There are men with money everywhere but I see them with women their own age. I accept it might be different in certain areas

Original poster

localnotail · 01/11/2025 17:16

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 16:58

I’m glad I’m not in that world then. The women sound like gold diggers.

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I think these "gold diggers" are everywhere... maybe older guys around you have nothing to offer (in terms of looks, money, status, experience, ect), but believe me - if they did, there would be a lot of young girls after them.

In the end of the day, open any romantic novel and see what some people find romantic ))) its hilarious.

I literally could not care less, just stating the obvious.

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Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 16:58

localnotail · 01/11/2025 16:18

Young women are also attracted to money, status, experience and intelligence

And I did specify that the guys I'm taking about are fit.

My view could be skewered because I work in the environment where men are paid more than women, usually are in higher positions than females, usually into fitness, cycling, and are intelligent and interesting. But they still men and if possible would go for a young rather then same age as them!

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I’m glad I’m not in that world then. The women sound like gold diggers.

PansyPolly · 01/11/2025 16:32

Netcurtainnelly · 01/11/2025 16:23

Nope, and open relationship is the quickest way to split up if your married.

And I know a number of couples in open marriages which have been going strong for years.

Of course, both “sides” will have confirmation bias.

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 16:25

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 15:20

Sometimes we have a threesome with another guy, sometimes it's just me and a single guy. As I said to a pp he's one of the guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. I know - wild !

A lot of guys do get disillusioned by the swinging scene because it's their wife that gets all the attention. They just have to deal with it.

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I applaud your energy. I am 53 and barely have enough energy to shave my legs!

Netcurtainnelly · 01/11/2025 16:23

Nope, and open relationship is the quickest way to split up if your married.

Boomer55 · 01/11/2025 16:22

I never did, but each to their own. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

localnotail · 01/11/2025 16:21

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 15:20

Sometimes we have a threesome with another guy, sometimes it's just me and a single guy. As I said to a pp he's one of the guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. I know - wild !

A lot of guys do get disillusioned by the swinging scene because it's their wife that gets all the attention. They just have to deal with it.

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I know one swinging couple, they are happy. In this couple, its the (younger) wife who drives it. But I would say they are part of the kink scene, they are not a standard couple, and they dont have an open marriage. They just have this kind of sex which they both like.

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Original poster

localnotail · 01/11/2025 16:18

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 12:49

Just not like that in the real world. Young women want attractive fit young men aside from the odd outlier.

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Young women are also attracted to money, status, experience and intelligence

And I did specify that the guys I'm taking about are fit.

My view could be skewered because I work in the environment where men are paid more than women, usually are in higher positions than females, usually into fitness, cycling, and are intelligent and interesting. But they still men and if possible would go for a young rather then same age as them!

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Original poster

localnotail · 01/11/2025 16:14

Tilly91 · 01/11/2025 13:14

I don't know any women in their 20s or their 30s who are, or have been, dating men in their 40s or 50s. They're all dating men within about five years of their own age, either older or younger.

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Well, I know a lot of couples where the guy is 6-10 years older. Its just how it is! Its not unheard of, especially in a second marriage.

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PansyPolly · 01/11/2025 15:38

Tilly91 · 01/11/2025 13:17

I think some people have multiple long term relationships, some of them seem to rank them like primary partner, secondary partner etc, which could get very complicated

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Not everyone does hierarchical polyamory like this, but many do. Just as you might have a best friend, a couple of fairly close friends and a few drinking buddies, different partners can involve different levels of time and emotional commitment.

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 15:20

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 14:22

Hang on, your DH suggested swinging and now you are swinging and he has no one to swing with? That's wild. What did he think would happen?

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Sometimes we have a threesome with another guy, sometimes it's just me and a single guy. As I said to a pp he's one of the guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. I know - wild !

A lot of guys do get disillusioned by the swinging scene because it's their wife that gets all the attention. They just have to deal with it.

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 15:16

Gwenhwyfar · 01/11/2025 14:16

Did he agree to/suggest the open relationship just to keep you? He knows you could easily find someone else and he'd be alone.

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He's one of those guys who are turned on by the idea of their wife with another guy. There's a whole thread about this on the sex forum - turns out it's a lot more common than you might think. Was certainly news to me !

Yes I could have left him but I don't dislike him. We're compatible in just about every way but the sex had gone a bit awry. To split the family and start again .... No, I prefer this way!

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 14:22

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 13:38

Lol nobody mostly (unless you count me!)

The swinging scene is very tough on men due to the laws of supply and demand. A woman, whatever she looks like, can pick and choose.

Unfortunately DH is not conventionally good looking and has ED, neither of which help.

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Hang on, your DH suggested swinging and now you are swinging and he has no one to swing with? That's wild. What did he think would happen?

Gwenhwyfar · 01/11/2025 14:16

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 13:38

Lol nobody mostly (unless you count me!)

The swinging scene is very tough on men due to the laws of supply and demand. A woman, whatever she looks like, can pick and choose.

Unfortunately DH is not conventionally good looking and has ED, neither of which help.

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Did he agree to/suggest the open relationship just to keep you? He knows you could easily find someone else and he'd be alone.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/11/2025 14:11

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 12:45

They definitely do approach in bars.

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I guess they approach you, but I never see it, not just that it doesn't happen to me, but I don't see it when out and about. I think it's mainly gone online.

Namechanger769 · 01/11/2025 13:38

Holluschickie · 01/11/2025 12:03

That's really interesting. Who is your DH having sex with? Younger women?

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Lol nobody mostly (unless you count me!)

The swinging scene is very tough on men due to the laws of supply and demand. A woman, whatever she looks like, can pick and choose.

Unfortunately DH is not conventionally good looking and has ED, neither of which help.

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 13:29

InLoveWithAI · 01/11/2025 13:24

I don't want a relationship with even one.

Wouldn't mind several sexual partners, but can't be arsed with that either.

Worth it if the sex is good.

InLoveWithAI · 01/11/2025 13:24

I don't want a relationship with even one.

Wouldn't mind several sexual partners, but can't be arsed with that either.

Tilly91 · 01/11/2025 13:17

Gwenhwyfar · 31/10/2025 20:49

Yes, but I suppose some people in open relationships have more than one emotional relationship going rather than just casual. Or would that be called polyamory? I'm not sure how anybody has the mental energy for that.

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I think some people have multiple long term relationships, some of them seem to rank them like primary partner, secondary partner etc, which could get very complicated

Tilly91 · 01/11/2025 13:14

localnotail · 31/10/2025 21:30

I think there is generally a big mismatch we are taking about. I always noticed it on dating sites and in my life - especially in my job, as I deal with a lot of people... Imagine a woman, divorced/ separated, in her late 40s- early 50s, slim, good job, well groomed, well dressed. Nice teeth, nice hair, own flat, no kids. Well, this is majority of my friends, and they are all single. They struggle to get a look in. Often, they get a suggestion they should "lower the bar" and date someone in their 60s, or someone with no job, the list is endless - but definitely should not desire someone their age with the same statistics.

Now imagine a divorced guy in his late 40s-early 50s. Slim, nice hair, nice teeth, doesn't matter if he has kids as they live with their mum, well dressed, good job, own flat. Guess what? All of them are never single, and most likely paired with girls in their late 20s - 30s. Most don't even need to go on dating sites... such as life.

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I don't know any women in their 20s or their 30s who are, or have been, dating men in their 40s or 50s. They're all dating men within about five years of their own age, either older or younger.

Disturbia81 · 01/11/2025 12:49

localnotail · 31/10/2025 21:30

I think there is generally a big mismatch we are taking about. I always noticed it on dating sites and in my life - especially in my job, as I deal with a lot of people... Imagine a woman, divorced/ separated, in her late 40s- early 50s, slim, good job, well groomed, well dressed. Nice teeth, nice hair, own flat, no kids. Well, this is majority of my friends, and they are all single. They struggle to get a look in. Often, they get a suggestion they should "lower the bar" and date someone in their 60s, or someone with no job, the list is endless - but definitely should not desire someone their age with the same statistics.

Now imagine a divorced guy in his late 40s-early 50s. Slim, nice hair, nice teeth, doesn't matter if he has kids as they live with their mum, well dressed, good job, own flat. Guess what? All of them are never single, and most likely paired with girls in their late 20s - 30s. Most don't even need to go on dating sites... such as life.

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Just not like that in the real world. Young women want attractive fit young men aside from the odd outlier.