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Original poster

Would you go to Canada for a week during child's GCSE exams?

156 replies

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 17:28

DH's friend lives in Canada. He is getting married next June and has invited me and DH. We have 4 kids, ages will be 19, 16, 14 and 6.

I don't know this friend well at all, met him once at a party and barely said two words to him so I'm not too fussed if I miss the wedding but I would love to go to Canada.

My 16yo would be in the middle of her GCSEs and so I'd told DH I don't think I can leave her during such a stressful time, our youngest DD has also never been left for more than one night.

He says they'll be fine and I should go, they'd be looked after by grandparents and eldest DD. We don't usually have the opportunity for long haul holidays. Would you go?

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 31/10/2025 18:55

No way. DD was so stressed during her GCSEs. I made sure I was around as much as possible to do whatever I could to support her: making sure she was eating, doing last minute flash card revision with her, being there to ask how it went afterwards.

herbalteabag · 31/10/2025 18:55

I definitely would not go. I think it would be a very selfish decision to do so - GCSEs are stressful for everyone because they are so full on with often more than one on a day. My son didn't say he was stressed but he was extremely grumpy and I know that was a sign of stress for him.
Children need to know they are supported during that time, to make them nice food and to help them revise if they ask for it.

Gair · 31/10/2025 18:54

I'm a massive fan of travel, and often suffer from what the Germans call 'Fernweh' (longing for distant places), however I would definitely not be going away during my child's GCSE exams.

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 31/10/2025 18:54

How can you even entertain going away during such an important time in your child’s life?!

sanityisamyth · 31/10/2025 18:54

WTF?! Of course not!

TravellingTotty · 31/10/2025 18:54

Why don’t you all go for a trip after her exams finish as a celebration

Original poster
Dramatic · 31/10/2025 18:53

IAmKerplunk · 31/10/2025 18:46

My oldest dc was cool as a cucumber but the thing about how they cope in their actual exams is you only know how they will cope once they are actually in their exams.

I can imagine for you it is just rotten timing especially given the opportunity to visit a country you really want to visit. Best result is that after exams/years to come your dc says to you that she would have been absolutely fine, worst result is that she questions why you left her for a wedding for someone you barely know and she struggled. I really hope it’s the former.

Has your h not even second guessed himself about going? Even if the result was that he still went - has he not even asked himself that simple question of is this ok?

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No but he's not her biological Dad so I suppose it's maybe different in his mind. He's just a very laid back person, his favourite phrase is "it'll/she'll/he'll be fine!"

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 31/10/2025 18:52

No. I’d send dh on his own.

FenceBooksCycle · 31/10/2025 18:52

I would consider going if it was the wedding of my dearest friend, if I could discuss it with the DC in question and they felt confident about coping without me for the sake of supporting someone who they (the child) also know and love (because obviously such a friend would have been constantly in my DC's lives too)

I definitely would not do this for someone I barely know, who I've only met a handful of times. I wouldn't expect any DC to tolerate that kind of disruption at such a critical time for the sake of someone whose connection to our family was so tenuous.

ShiftySquirrel · 31/10/2025 18:50

No, I wouldn't.

luckylavender · 31/10/2025 18:47

Not a chance

IAmKerplunk · 31/10/2025 18:46

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 18:36

I would hate for her to feel like this which was the main reason for me immediately saying no to it. She's absolutely cool as a cucumber but I still wouldn't like to leave her just in case

Show quote history

My oldest dc was cool as a cucumber but the thing about how they cope in their actual exams is you only know how they will cope once they are actually in their exams.

I can imagine for you it is just rotten timing especially given the opportunity to visit a country you really want to visit. Best result is that after exams/years to come your dc says to you that she would have been absolutely fine, worst result is that she questions why you left her for a wedding for someone you barely know and she struggled. I really hope it’s the former.

Has your h not even second guessed himself about going? Even if the result was that he still went - has he not even asked himself that simple question of is this ok?

LadyPiglet · 31/10/2025 18:46

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 18:35

Because we'd only be paying for flights, accommodation is all sorted (the groom owns a few Airbnb places) we certainly couldn't afford flights and accommodation for 2-3 weeks for 6 of us.

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Between flights, jetlag/lost sleep, getting ready for/going to the wedding, you won't get much out of your time there for the cost of the flight, and you certainly won't see much of Canada. So to be honest, rather than seeing this as a cheap way to do a trip of a lifetime I'd look at it as an expensive way to feel worried about your DD in a foreign country. You'd be so much better off saving the cost of the flight and going with DH/by yourself in a couple of years.

Dozer · 31/10/2025 18:44

No way I’d go. Unless it’s a very close friend of his would be unhappy with DH’s cavalier attitude about DC2’s GCSEs and his plan to go alone. If he does, you could be stretched to support DC2 whilst parenting two younger DC, even with some help from young adult DC1.

Sideorderofchips · 31/10/2025 18:44

No. Would be utterly selfish

Peaceshout · 31/10/2025 18:44

No, I wouldn’t go.

PoetryEmotion · 31/10/2025 18:42

No way would I leave her. Such an incredibly important and stressful time for her.

Littletreefrog · 31/10/2025 18:39

PistachioTiramisu · 31/10/2025 18:37

Yes, I would go - she will be revising, eating, sleeping, going to school and taking the exam - rinse and repeat. She will survive and probably better, rather than being mollycoddled through every exam. Have fun when you get back and exams are over.

Have you read any of the posts from peoples whose parents did this and how it made them feel?

feathermucker · 31/10/2025 18:38

Not a chance I’d go.

godmum56 · 31/10/2025 18:38

its a no from me.

Ashersmom · 31/10/2025 18:38

Mum of 3DC all over 18. Absolutely not, nor A levels.

PistachioTiramisu · 31/10/2025 18:37

Yes, I would go - she will be revising, eating, sleeping, going to school and taking the exam - rinse and repeat. She will survive and probably better, rather than being mollycoddled through every exam. Have fun when you get back and exams are over.

Alpacajigsaw · 31/10/2025 18:37

No chance

therole · 31/10/2025 18:37

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 31/10/2025 18:21

I mean, I was at boarding school with loads of other pupils during GCSEs and coped fine without having my parents there. But I was happy there and also was academic so wasn't too anxious about passing etc. I think it depends on your DC, relationships with GPs and their own state of mind.

but surely you got all meals served at the usual times and your routine was organised. It’s not only the moral support kids need at that time and I doubt the 19 year old and grandparents can provide that structure especially as there are 2 other kids around

Original poster
Dramatic · 31/10/2025 18:36

LadyPiglet · 31/10/2025 18:19

Personally, no I wouldn't.

GCSEs are likely to be one of the most tiring ajd stressful experiences of her life. She might sail through without a care but you won't be able to guarantee that in advance. Going away sends the message that going to the wedding of someone you barely know is more important than what's going on for her. My parents did something similar and it really stung, all the way into adulthood.

I would hate for her to feel like this which was the main reason for me immediately saying no to it. She's absolutely cool as a cucumber but I still wouldn't like to leave her just in case

OP posts: