To not agree to pretend to my company that I don’t know what a man or woman is?

Dear X
I have recently read a document in which I have been referred to using the pronouns 'they' and 'them'. I find this highly offensive as a woman who is a single entity and I would like to make a formal complaint to ensure this issue is addressed.
Kind regards

I assume these must be captured in a system then? For a minute I thought you meant private notes and thought it would be easy to ignore the directive

I agree. It's deliberately engineering a hierarchy in which people who use non-biological pronouns are important, but nobody else (the vast majority) is.

Apart from that, many trans/nb/other people who go by 'they' seem to like marking themselves out as 'different from the norm'. It could be argued that, if everybody is a 'they' as a norm, how are those people actually respected as being supposedly different?!

I actually agree with you here! I hate being referred to as they/them and I refuse to put a pronoun on my email!

my close friends are Sam, Jamie, Chris, Alex and James (I know James for a women is quite rare) - all women. Although TBF only one of them has a deepish voice and could possibly be confused (as they have been a few times) on the phone as a man (which they actually find amusing!)

We really need a whole bunch of people making complaints that they've been referred to as they/them when that's not their chosen pronouns!

I'd be offended if someone asked me if I'm a woman. I have an unmistakably female name, speak and look like a woman. Anyone would be correct in assuming that of me. Someone asking me to confirm that I'm a woman would suggest to me that they think I'm a man. How can that be considered OK?

You referred to what you write in your notes. I was wondering what you mean by that?

Yes, this 100%. If it's supposed to be wrong to call a known person with an obvious sex he or she on the grounds that that person might be a they, why is it OK to wrongly assume and call the vast majority of people - who are almost certainly going to be a he or a she - 'they'?

@ThankYouNigel theres evidence suggesting that women emphasising our sex at work means that people take what we do less seriously. That would be one of my arguments against requiring people to put their specific pronouns in their email signature.

Using neutral pronouns for people is a different argument and in some ways the opposite - it’s removing sex from the picture in settings where it doesn’t matter. That to me is perfectly reasonable. I’d much rather do that than participate in pronoun rounds at meetings or whatever.

Did you still have to ask Steve what sex Steve was once you saw and heard Steve?!

OP carefully specified when the name AND the voice both clearly match one sex or the other. One of The Bangles is called Michael, but she certainly doesn't sound like a bloke.

Just do what you like. If it’s a call centre job, which it sounds like it is, they aren’t going to pull you up on it.

What notes are they accessing of yours?

You are looking for another job anyway, so where is the issue in wasting everyone's time by following the company instructions to the letter. Malicious compliance.

If you weren't looking for another job i'd suggest just carrying on and seeing what happens, but since you are - just follow their instructions to the letter and if you are pulled up on your production slipping, point out how much longer everything takes when you have to police your own language.

so... take a day and contact everyone you have contact with and ask them? This is the company line, so if you spend time doing that, it's not an issue surely? If you all do this, they will be paying you to literally twiddle your thumbs.

Why shouldn’t you point out you are a ‘women at work’? You have every right to be a woman at work, and be proud of it. If others have negative, preconceived ideas about you then they are in the wrong, not you. Why, oh why do women feel they need to hide their sex at work in 2025? Do not let anyone erase you as a woman!

If I’m ever forced to put my pronouns on my email signatory, I’d feel like being bloody-minded and use it/its or even he/him.

Fine when you're working with a Susan or a Michael. I work with global teams and I'm really not that familiar enough with their cultures to know whether their names are commonly male or female. Much easier to use a neutral description. Also there are plenty of names that used to be male but are now more commonly female even in the same culture. I don't think personally ita a big deal to not bring sex into consideration in the workplace. I realise I am likely in the minority here, but I'd rather that people who haven't met me have no pre conceived ideas about me, I'm fine with not pointing out I'm a woman at work.

Good for you for standing your ground. You shouldn’t have to, this cannot be imposed on people. There are many valid reasons why not:

• For me, if I put pronouns, one might assume I am a biological man who wants to be known as a woman. I am a biological woman, so absolutely no need to put she/her, it is obvious! 🤦🏻‍♀️
• It is comparable to having to publicly declare your age/marital status/whether you have children/political views/religious views etc. Some people generally prefer high privacy, especially at work.
• It can fundamentally clash with a person’s religious views (which are a protected characteristic under the Equality Act).
• Gender ideology is an opinion not a fact.
• The onus should be on the minority doing something different to indicate they are, not on everybody else. It’s about taking personal responsibility.
• What if I am a person who does want to change my pronouns but wants to share that when I am ready and in my own time? Publicly stating them could be harmful for somebody who is experiencing confusion/distress about their own identity. We are not forced to publicly state our sexuality at work, nor should we be. It is ultimately nobody else’s business, nor relevant at work.

Absolutely bonkers. I’m still in a battle at my work as I refuse to put my pronouns in my e mail signature.