To not be guilted by elderly parents and go on a big trip

I would do my round the world trip now that they are still in their 80s. Get your siblings on board with care agencies and just go. I was an only child and had to face all the music myself. When my parents finally passed away in their mid 90s I was a shell of my former self, a mouse, too afraid to drive or get on a plane. You don't know what happens down the road and how long they will live - could be to 100. Make sure you do that trip now, ride rough shod over any nay sayers. You won't regret it. Don't end up like me and you do have siblings, I had no one.

Exactly. OP, you really don't have to be so passive about this.

When I mentioned it to DM she closed it down straight away and said - "we will have to see how we are".

DP and I are planning a 'big' trip next year and I'll probably tell my mum about it next time I see her. If she attempted to 'close it down' and said 'we will have to see how I am', my response would be 'No we won't have to see how you are, because you're not the one making the trip'.

Yep we get it too. She wants travel info run by her. I keep it so so vague now to protect myself

Op keep info vague as we found our mother had loads ailments just before our flights) have a lovely break. Im sure they can get a few taxis to apts. Yes I accept its not easy but we cant put our life on hold either my mam in 80s too.

Same! @Suninthe is there a reason you didn't immediately question what she meant by that? Obviously different people/different relationships, but I also have parents in their 80s and honestly I'd laugh if one of them said that to me when I was telling them about something I was planning for me.

Unless they are very hard up,,there’s no reason why they can’t take taxis to e.g. hospital appointments. If shopping is an issue, can someone order online for them? (Assuming they can’t or won’t do it for themselves,).

Please go head nd book your holiday, OP! They will just have to lump it.

You say she closed you down, she doesn’t get to do that, she’s not in charge of you. I’d not mentioning it again until you’ve finalised your plans, then you can tell them about it as a done deal, because it is. If they start going on about who’s going to look after them then cheerfully remind them that they have two other children. Do not “discuss” your trip with them. This is not a negotiation. This is what you are doing, they do not have a say.

Of course you should go, this might force your siblings to finally step up as well.

But, just a tip from experience, don't tell them when you are going, be vague until you're all packed and ready to head off for the airport or they'll concoct some tale of misery and have you leaving under a cloud of guilt. Elderly people become very selfish eventually but they have each other and taxi's for appointments. It's not as if they are in a hospice on palliative care.

Get the flights booked and enjoy all the planning.

You will regret not going more than you would regret going ifyswim.

They may be grumpy but they'll get over it. You have your own life to live and you may never get this opportunity again.

Plenty of time left to sit with them or drive them to the shops/hospital. Mundane life will carry on, opportunities don't often knock twice.

You absolutely must go. your parents could live for many more years and if you give in to them now, you always will. You may never get to have your dream holiday. Your parents are being very selfish. If they need it, they can get a taxi. You have siblings. You do not owe your parents care. I would not expect my adult children to alter their plans because of me. I love them. I want them to have a good life. Have a great trip. NZ is wonderful.

Some do retreat, some don't

But that isn't for you to manage

Go and book your trip and make the most of your freedom

@Suninthe It has nothing to do with your parents. It's not their decision to make.

If they want to sulk because you're seeing the world then let them.

If they need transportation then they can use a taxi.

Of course you should bloody go on your trip! They might be elderly and slowing up a bit, but that doesn't mean they're not capable of phoning for a taxi if they need a lift somewhere during the six weeks you're away. You don't have to shrink your life to match theirs.

If you do book the trip OP, be prepared for a medical ‘emergency’ the day before you go and have someone on standby to deal with it, but don’t let the guilt get to you. We had years of this with my Grandma as children and many cancelled holidays!

You shouldn't not go just because they are worried how they will manage while you are gone.

BUT I would have everything arranged so that you can easily cut the holiday short if one of them gets seriously ill or dies while you are away.

That is, have insurance that will cover it, flexible flights that can be rearranged.

I don't want to be a downer on your plans but this is the reality of having very elderly parents.

It doesn't happen to everyone at this age OP. My parents are 93 and 80 and still go out and about seeing friends, going to the theatre and go on 2 cruises a year. They won't drive or fly, so get a taxi and train to Southampton for cruises, and live in a London suburb so use the Tube and buses as needed. They have their health challenges but haven't given up.

You should definitely go on your trip. Leave them phone numbers of taxi companies and inform your siblings that you'll be away and it's time for them to step up.

Just book your trip. They will have to use taxis or ask your siblings for help.
Have a lovely time

Go, they had the freedom to go and holiday and do whatever when they were your age, why shouldn’t you?

Oh my word you have to go. Please go!! They are adults, they can manage. You can make sure they have access to a taxi number and online shop or whatever - they can call your other siblings.

They’d be being unreasonable if you were an only child, but they have other kids AND grandkids, and presumably know how to use a phone to book a taxi?
Go OP, before you’re too old yourself!

You absolutely need to do this. Because they need to have systems in place for coping without you. Otherwise, what would happen if you were ill or hospitalised?

Time for your siblings to step up.

When you go, perhaps all your family will then recognise just how much you do for them.

Nothing to feel guilty about.

Of course go. you'd be silly not to, you don't need to feel guilty. there are taxis and buses and if they feel nervous one of your siblings can accompany them.

You just have to keep reminding yourself that it's ok to live your life, and that they're ok. You can't not go because of some bloody hospital appointments it's not reasonable or rational.

Your parents have had 80+ years to do what they want so why can’t you?? You aren’t their staff!!

Go.
Remind them that for those who can afford it going on holiday once a year for up to a month is perfectly normal and they themselves did it many times( incidentally who looked after their mums etc back in the day while they were abroad lol….)