To not be guilted by elderly parents and go on a big trip

Go. If they need more help get social services involved.

If they need transport to the hospital - they can get in touch with hospital transport.

Do not let anyone guilt you into not going. Your siblings need to help out more - if they need to accompany them to hospital appointments they can pay for a taxi

I read your OP twice because I thought first from your mother's response that you were inviting them with you. Of course you can go. Your parents don't get a say in it. They will manage for 6 weeks. This is your life, your one and only life, the person who decides what happens in it is you, not your parents.

Be aware with travel insurance that many say that if you cancel or try to cut a trip short because of the illness of a non- traveller; if they have a known condition it isn’t covered. With my MIL it was if she’d even been to the doctor about it in the last 12 months. She died a week before we were due to go away; cancellation not covered.

80 and 87 and living on their own is good going.

Joining everyone else in saying that of course you must go, which you obviously know. You must not put your life on hold because of theirs. My mother is now 95 and living in a care home, and is still trying to guilt me about going away next month, claiming I've let her down as I won't be able to do her Christmas shopping (not true, I'll be back well before Christmas.

Put in place whatever you need to help them while you are away, and then go and enjoy.

As you get older and your health fails travelling becomes tiring and not always worth the effort. So yes, your world shrinks. Maybe you use a stick on the days you feel especially frail, even if you can sometimes manage without it, especially in the familiar environment of your home. Maybe you cant afford taxis or after a lifetime of caring for kids - and probably driving them everywhere - you feel a lift is not much to ask for.

You should still go on your trip while you are able to enjoy it - just dont be such a jerk about it.

Your parents are ageing and vulnerable, but also selfish.

If it's at all possible, get your siblings to start helping out more straight away, so that it's not such a big issue when you go away. It will also signal to your mum and siblings that you are not solely responsible to sort out/do aged care for them.

Definitely do the trip, and sooner rather than later if your DH health is not the best. I would also have a think about scenarios that might come up with your parents while you are away, and discuss ahead with your DH how you want to respond (e.g. illness, accident or death). Getting top notch insurance will probably be worth it for peace of mind.

Have a wonderful trip!

Your siblings are just going to have to step up.

Presumably, as adults who can't drive, they have worked out how to negotiate the world without a car.

They can go to go to hospitals in taxis with your siblings.

They can apply for schemes like Dial a Ride or hospital transport, or just pay for a taxi.

And once you’re back, keep on telling siblings to do their bit.

You must go. It's not fair of them to expect you to reduce your life to their dictated boundaries. I'll bet you they didn't have this curtailment just when their lives opened up.

I would say you should still go away even if you were an only child, but you have siblings who can help. Aging brings mobility issues and often that can affect confidence but you shouldn't feed their anxiety. If you don't go on your holiday, that reinforces the idea that they can't manage without you.

So get booking. Any objections help them work out a solution. "I have an appointment" = taxi + sibling. Shopping can be done online (from anywhere in the world). You can phone regularly while you're away.

When I mentioned it to DM she closed it down straight away and said - "we will have to see how we are"

When I read this I wondered if you invited them, too. OP you must go, and I say that as someone with an elderly FIL next door. If you don’t go you are letting them shrink your world, too. What happens if in 6 months time you or your DH become too ill to travel? You should go, and do not feel guilty. Your mum should feel guilty for being manipulative.

You should defintely go, have fun, make memories with your family and don't feel guilty.

One thing though @Suninthe you can be and the majority of mobility aid users (e.g 75% of wheelchair users) are ambultory users which means not always using them. Especially if you have a dynamic disability, chronic illnesses etc it flucates. So someone might not need a mobility aid all the time, depending on the severity of their symptoms that day and even during the day it may change.

Just like able bodied people might use their car to get somewhere, because their tired and it will be easier, but another time they may walk because they want to get some fresh air and steps in etc and they have more energy because they slept more.

Basically just because sometimes your mother doesn't need the walking stick doesn't mean that 1. she should just stop using it, encourage her to use it to get more independence, going out etc, she might find a mobility scooter or walking frame more useful for this. 2. That she doesn't need the walking stick sometimes and that it is all mental, telling herself she needs it means she won't do anything without it. Many people mask symptoms well etc, and if it helps she should use, she may just not need it all the time but it doesn't mean she never needs it. 3. maybe see if you can get a social worker or social prescriber to see them, help them get into local groups, go out more, also they may need mental health support, perhaps ask the GP surgery about this as loneliness in older people is common.
But enjoy your holiday it sounds like an amazing trip.

"we will have to see how we are".

they aren't invited

you go and leave the other 2 siblings to look after your parents

how dare they suggest you can't live your life as they need a taxi service

please go, you are not their parent or therapist you are their child and they are being so selfish. I wonder if they had the same “parenting” responsibilities when they were your age? Probably not because if they had they would not pile this guilt on you. Your siblings will never step up whilst you continue to prop up their lazy attitude to support. For everyone sake you should stop taking on everything for everyone they are all selfish and taking you for granted

although I do think it is a very unfair comment of your DM

who is there for them if you are not?

That was my first thought.

I would say they are incredibly fortunate to still have each other at their age, they can look after each other and travel together to hospital etc if your siblings do nothing then they should be happy to step up and I think you should get a WhatsApp group going with them making sure they take their turns - you go for it, they have each other - my mum is on her own and I do feel guilty as my sister does do very little (although lives Closest) so make the most of it while you have two parents - if they shut you down say - oh I'm going but aren't you lucky you have each other and DS DD to help out x

I think it does and it doesn't.....I have a sib who used to travel a lot but their back no longer allows it. I trashed my knees going hip deep in a bog walking my dogs so I can't walk like I used to and I wouldn't have another dog because on odd (rare) occasions my knee locks painfully and I can't get out of the house.....there can be reasons why people can do less. Your issue doesn't arise for me because I have no kids so I just get on and do what is needed myself, but if it did I wouldn't be expecting you not to go but I would be requiring loads of photos. Again, while my life might look circumscribed, I enjoy it and could easily do more if I wanted to.

Better to feel guilt than resentment.

Imagine if you don't go, your parents are fine for years, and then your DH becomes too ill to travel.

If you were their only family member I can understand their worry more but you have two siblings presumably in the same country?!

I'm a widow in my 70s. Introduce your DM to this online group, which also has meet ups irl. I've been on arranged holidays with them and even made a couple of friends. I knew no-one on my first trip, but everyone was welcoming and the same faces now often show up on trips.

https://way-up.co.uk/

You should absolutely go on holiday. Your siblings can still help them out and get taxis to appointments with them if you are not around. You also might want to look into home help or carer for them as well. Sounds like that have got dependent on you and feel anxious about you going away but you need to live your life!

Of course you go. I had a similar situation, but my mums best friend made me book it!

You say they have been wonderful parents, so give them some help to prepare. Make it clear that you will be going away, so certain things need to be put in place. Can they afford taxis if they need them? Can you db and ds get to visit them, whilst you are away? Talk to their grandchildren and give them chance to step up for a few weeks. Make sure that everyone in the family has a list: dates of birth, telephone number for gp and dentist, list of medication, as this would always be needed for a hospital visit, list of recent health issues, with dates, basic house stuff - a spare front door key, gas and electric suppliers, boiler repair person in case central heating dies, bank address in case they need to get some cash . . .

If they can afford it, and have a spare room, a live in carer is a possibility for a 6 week period - it would cost them about £1400 per week but could give you - and them - peace of mind. . .

Did your parents experience responsibilities in later life for their parents, I wonder? Probably not, as greater numbers living to greater ages, but with chronic health conditions, is a fairly new phenomenon.