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Original poster

Parent messaged me to complain about DH

268 replies

Yogaretreat23 · 31/10/2025 14:38

This is a strange one. DS had his friend round on Tuesday, they were mainly just playing video games upstairs. They came downstairs and DS started to moan that the Wi-Fi was down.

DH said he’d need to ‘go for the old school approach and grab a top shelf magazine from the corner shop’ and DS just laughed it off.

The next day, his friends mum has messaged me to say she doesn’t appreciate DH making inappropriate comments in front of her son.

I’ve ignored it…but am now overthinking whether I should have replied to clarify nothing was said to her son?

Edited to add both 17yo

OP posts:
Zov · 31/10/2025 15:37

thisishowloween · 31/10/2025 15:35

That's NOT what I said at all.

If you're going to say shit about me, especially without mentioning my username, at least try and be accurate 😉

What I DID say was that yes, the DH made an unfunny joke - but it doesn't make him a porn addict and it doesn't have to be taken offensively. It was just a bad joke - nothing to get worked up over.

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You don't get to make that decision. That it's not worth getting worked up over. This didn't happen to you, or one of your teenage children.

HTH.

.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 31/10/2025 15:37

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:35

Good attempt at trying to deflect from your own conduct on the thread, but you were demeaning towards another poster.

Rather than posting all over this thread about how others should behave, perhaps you should have a look at yourself.

And my bar is fine, thank you.

Edited
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He/she was "demeaning" first if that's your definition. I'm happy with my standards and sorry yours are so low.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 31/10/2025 15:36

This was a gross comment your DH said to you DS. Presumably the friend overheard or told his friend.
Yes, clarify this for the mum as she needs accurate information about who she chooses to associate with. I’m guessing her son will chose for himself, but hopefully respects his mum’s opinion.

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:36

DiscoBob · 31/10/2025 15:34

But OPs fella wasn't chatting up young girls. That's a different matter.

I'm not saying his comment was genius or even sensible. But for someone's mum to complain when their son is nearly an adult? I just find that quite OTT. But if the kid was offended then I guess she had to say something.

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But OPs fella wasn't chatting up young girls. That's a different matter.

Not THIS time.

Good for the lad for telling his mother too. He was clearly pissed off and offended by the comment. And so he should be. It was sleazy and grubby.

thisishowloween · 31/10/2025 15:35

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:31

That poster is NOT simply disagreeing. They are berating other posters on MUMSNET, saying anyone who thinks a middle aged man talking about porn mags to a school boy is wrong, is UPTIGHT.

Give your head a wobble dude.

.

Edited
Show quote history

That's NOT what I said at all.

If you're going to say shit about me, especially without mentioning my username, at least try and be accurate 😉

What I DID say was that yes, the DH made an unfunny joke - but it doesn't make him a porn addict and it doesn't have to be taken offensively. It was just a bad joke - nothing to get worked up over.

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:35

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 31/10/2025 15:31

I'm demeaning but a man who wanks off to porn mags and laughs at it with teenagers is fine. Raise your bar.

Edited
Show quote history

Good attempt at trying to deflect from your own conduct on the thread, but you were demeaning towards another poster.

Rather than posting all over this thread about how others should behave, perhaps you should have a look at yourself.

And my bar is fine, thank you.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 31/10/2025 15:35

Yogaretreat23 · 31/10/2025 15:34

I like to think I have a sense of humour so I didn’t take issue with the comment, no. I would have done if they were still school age.

DH thinks it’s hilarious I was messaged but I can’t say I’ve taken him up on his suggested response, which was essentially to hint she could do with access to one of said mag’s!

The friend is looking to go into a trade so if his mum thinks that comment was a bit inappropriate, she’s going to have a shock when he enters the world of work!

You and the creep sound well suited. It's depressing that women fawn over these men.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/10/2025 15:35

Yeah your husband is a creep, sorry, horrible, cringey and inappropriate.

Her reaction was OTT: I would just have filed under “creepy husband”. But yuck that he’s making porn jokes to your son. Particularly when he’s with a friend.

noworklifebalance · 31/10/2025 15:35

It’s grim, makes my skin crawl type of joke. Wouldn’t be impressed if DH made that joke to men of his own age let alone his son.

AmyDudley · 31/10/2025 15:35

HelplessSoul · 31/10/2025 14:57

I'd message her back and tell her to fuck off.

Your DH is allowed to make comments of any kind in his own house.

Who the fuck does she think she is? The vocabulary police?

Yes definitely go with this OP, that should clear up any idea the other mother has that your family is weird and innapropriate.

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:35

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:33

Again, such a demeaning way to speak to someone.

My husband is great, but he’s certainly not perfect. He has his flaws.

Must be great to be perfect, though.

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Must be great to be perfect, though.

It is.

Apologists for sleazy middle aged men knock me sick though.

Original poster
Yogaretreat23 · 31/10/2025 15:34

I like to think I have a sense of humour so I didn’t take issue with the comment, no. I would have done if they were still school age.

DH thinks it’s hilarious I was messaged but I can’t say I’ve taken him up on his suggested response, which was essentially to hint she could do with access to one of said mag’s!

The friend is looking to go into a trade so if his mum thinks that comment was a bit inappropriate, she’s going to have a shock when he enters the world of work!

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 31/10/2025 15:34

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:28

Maybe the 17 year old BOY told his mum because he found the middle aged men referencing porn magazines to him weird and gross. His mum had every right to contact the OP and complain. As I said, lots of middle aged men are like this. Many are still 17 mentally and emotionally. It's true what my mum used to say, 'men never grow up.'

She's right. They don't. I see men in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s, and 80s, chatting up women young enough to be their grandaughter. In their head they're still 25. Problem is, most men have dirty minds, and some of them think they're soooo funny, and that every woman wants them. 🙄

Urgh, it knocks me sick, honestly! Confused

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But OPs fella wasn't chatting up young girls. That's a different matter.

I'm not saying his comment was genius or even sensible. But for someone's mum to complain when their son is nearly an adult? I just find that quite OTT. But if the kid was offended then I guess she had to say something.

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:33

beAsensible1 · 31/10/2025 15:31

exactly.

It might be ott, but maybe friends mum is asking for a grown man to stop making weird sexual jokes around her son as its making him uncomfortable.

what if its not the first time.

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Oh, it won't be the first time. He will have said sleazy shit multiple times beofre today - mostly to women. He very likely said it to these 17 year old lads because he thinks he's getting down with the kids, and being edgy and cool. Truth is, he is coming across as gross and sleazy, and making a fool of himself.

thisishowloween · 31/10/2025 15:33

beAsensible1 · 31/10/2025 15:31

exactly.

It might be ott, but maybe friends mum is asking for a grown man to stop making weird sexual jokes around her son as its making him uncomfortable.

what if its not the first time.

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If she's that worried, why is she going via OP instead of speaking to the DH directly?

OP is not responsible for her DH's shit jokes.

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:33

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:29

Your bar is so low, that it's scraping on the pavement! 😬

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Again, such a demeaning way to speak to someone.

My husband is great, but he’s certainly not perfect. He has his flaws.

Must be great to be perfect, though.

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 31/10/2025 15:33

I think its weird for her to complain, but more weird is the fact that your husband said it!

thisishowloween · 31/10/2025 15:32

bigboykitty · 31/10/2025 15:31

It's not funny. Your H is a dick. Most young people wouldn't have understood what he was talking about anyway - I suspect all the posters who think this is so hilarious are over 60. I would have replied saying your H is a dick and giving his number so he can explain that himself.

I'm 36, don't actually find it funny, and don't think this woman had ANY right to call OP and complain about her husband's behaviour.

If she's offended, she can speak to the DH herself, no?

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 31/10/2025 15:31

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:26

What a demeaning way to speak to someone.

She isn’t missing the point, she just doesn’t agree with you.

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I'm demeaning but a man who wanks off to porn mags and laughs at it with teenagers is fine. Raise your bar.

beAsensible1 · 31/10/2025 15:31

Tiswa · 31/10/2025 15:14

Wasn’t it more that the suggestion is that they were both watching porn (potentially together) and the fact the wifi was down meant they needed to a non online route

which I think is inappropriate even at 17 given the inference they were watching it together could have made them feel uncomfortable

look the truth is for the mum to know about it the 17 year old would have had to have mentioned it which ultimately means either

(a) he didn’t understand it and asked
(b) he did and it made him uncomfortable
(C) if he didn’t know then he did and it did make him uncomfortable

exactly.

It might be ott, but maybe friends mum is asking for a grown man to stop making weird sexual jokes around her son as its making him uncomfortable.

what if its not the first time.

TeeBee · 31/10/2025 15:31

Ugh, really grim. Good on that mum. I think we're trying to bring up our boys not to be sleezy arseholes these days, aren't we?

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:31

Vivi0 · 31/10/2025 15:26

What a demeaning way to speak to someone.

She isn’t missing the point, she just doesn’t agree with you.

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That poster is NOT simply disagreeing. They are berating other posters on MUMSNET, saying anyone who thinks a middle aged man talking about porn mags to a school boy is wrong, is UPTIGHT.

Give your head a wobble dude.

.

bigboykitty · 31/10/2025 15:31

It's not funny. Your H is a dick. Most young people wouldn't have understood what he was talking about anyway - I suspect all the posters who think this is so hilarious are over 60. I would have replied saying your H is a dick and giving his number so he can explain that himself.

CinnamonCinnabar · 31/10/2025 15:31

Anyone criticising a teen telling their parent about another adult making sexual remarks to them is really ignorant about safeguarding. Children are encouraged to tell a trusted adult about anything they feel uncomfortable about - saying that 'tattling' or 'telling tales' helps abusers. It sounds like the OP's husband is a vulgar idiot - but I would not be happy with my teen spending time with a middle aged man who made sexual comments to them. Grooming starts with little things to test the boundaries, and it's hard to tell what was 'banter' and what was the start of sexual abuse until after the fact.

Having said all that I'm not convinced a modern teen would know what a 'top shelf magazine' is - do newsagents even stock porn magazines anymore? A teen might know all about OnlyFans and not understand the creepy dad's 'joke'

thisishowloween · 31/10/2025 15:31

Zov · 31/10/2025 15:29

Your bar is so low, that it's scraping on the pavement! 😬

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Or maybe she just doesn't feel the need to be offended by everything.

I know who I'd rather be friends with!