Parent messaged me to complain about DH

How are sexist sings not misogynistic @Ruggerlass

I’m not blasé about it. It’s been a few years since my sons played. Prior to them stopping playing I’d been around rugby clubs for about 15 years and never seen any misogynistic behaviour (ok I accept some of the songs are sexist). Perhaps it depends on the clubs. The club my sons played at a code of conduct and everyone was treated as equals. They also had female teams. There was banter on both sides and shock horror the women were often worse than the men!

My DS would probably have been embarrassed by someone’s dad making such a comment when he was that age. We are also a calling out misogyny household and he would have felt awkward not knowing what to say to someone’s dad.

*Just choked on a biscuit realising a 17 year old lad went home and told his mum about a mildly clumsy joke, AND that the mum then texted the OP to complain about it. 17! And now the OPs husband is the worst man in the world

Er, definitely report this and then leave the bastard 💪

This. He's humiliated the kid most likely and made them totally uncomfortable.

I think the issue here is that either the boy has laughed along at the time but not understood and has gone home to ask what it meant opening the other parent up to an unexpected conversation about pornography, or your dh has creeped him out and made him feel uncomfortable in which case its appropriate and great that he's felt able to go and speak to his mum about that.

While I probably wouldn't have messaged you I'd also think less of your dh making that joke to someone else's child.

"DH thinks it’s hilarious I was messaged but I can’t say I’ve taken him up on his suggested response, which was essentially to hint she could do with access to one of said mag’s!"

I also think that's a bit grim on your dhs behalf. Someone has messaged concerned about a comment he's made to her child and his response is to suggest she needs more sexual activity in her life... totally disrespectful and tbh sleazy. I'd think significantly less of any man who chooses to use sex as a way to dismiss and undermine women he disagrees with.

‘Despair’ 😂

I despair.
The real world where you say these comments are ok and just banter - “daft joke” is what I think you called it.

@Bundleflower but we know that he wouldn’t say the same to female teens. The assumption would not be that they had been looking at porn on the internet and then would have to resort to magazines when WIFI was off.

What woman? The women in the magazines the OPs husband was joking about that haven’t existed for at least 20 years? It was a daft joke. Nothing more.

Maybe the son is gay and it’s a men’s porn magazine the dad was joking about? That’s just as much of a leap here?

Theres so much stretching going on with nothing but a daft quip. Hardly the joke of the century but equally absolutely nothing remotely worth a complaint to someone’s wife like she’s Ofcom.

I do get your POV but I just don’t see it the same way. There’s plenty of comments I might do but this one I just can’t imagine being bothered about.

The real world does not treat women well.

@Bundleflower it’s the old boys will be boys banter, absolutely fine to be misogynistic excuse

Misogyny needs to be called out

Back in the real world this is a total non event and a daft joke with 2 young adults. The mum is 100% a member of Mumsnet. I’d have died if my mum complained to a friend’s parent at 17 years of age.

It’s not the magazine reference that’s the problem, it’s joking that the boys must want the wifi to look at porn. That’s horrible and massively inappropriate. Worrying that you don’t seem to get it, OP.

@Yogaretreat23 do women not go into trades, or are not customers to trades?

yes, this - the misogyny pyramid that I was referring to.
Zero tolerance.
(I await the pearl clutching or other similar comments).

Looks like the attitudes of the 1970s is alive and well on here. Sense of humour bypass if you don’t find girlie mag references funny 🤔

@Ruggerlass our local schools have had to work with the local rugby clubs because of the awful misogynistic behaviour which is encouraged in these clubs is causing huge issues in the schools both towards female students but also female teachers. Maybe. you shouldn’t be so blasé about it.

Many of the other sports clubs are running campaigns to stamp out such attitudes too

Grim and gross of your husband. The Mum should not have got involved, I assume her son told her/asked what it meant, but if she is trying as we all are to raise sons respectful to women, she doesn't need a misogynist dinosaur harking back to the bad old days.

Good on the son and the parent for calling your DH out on his inappropriate comment.

I think that's an absolutely inappropriate remark to make and I'm not surprised the friend's Mum wasn't happy.

It certainly gives the impression that her son and your son sit watching porn at your house and that you and your H actively encourage them to do so.

Certainly nothing amusing about a sleazy comment like that.

It’s not about having a sense of humour thought. It’s about older men making younger men feel uncomfortable with their inappropriate comments. Saying that the lad will face worse in trades doesn’t make it okay, it’s a damning representation do what men in trade can be like and your apparent acceptance of this. Not all men in trades are sleazy.

If you’re lucky enough to have the sort of relationship where you can chat about these things then that is a good thing. That doesn’t automatically mean the son wanted his mum to say something, he might not have even been aware of her doing it. Me and my son can talk about lots of things but that certainly doesn’t mean he wants me to go texting people.

I agree and have already said this. I responded to you saying it was weird he’d told his mum.