To think man I’m dating was wrong to ask this? Or is it ‘normal’ these days and I’m just prudish

Hang on… you think there might be a group photo featuring your tits later on at a work event?

Where do you work, as this might be driving his response (which is otherwise gross)

That would dry me up like the Sahara. I’d get out now.

Yes it is a deal breaker for lots of women. We've all said it on this thread, why are you dismissing that?

Or he just meant, get yer tits out luv!

Honestly, this is NOT normal. Or at least not with the men I've dated! I've dated as a woman in her 30s on and off (in between fairly serious relationships) since 2018 and I have never experienced anything like this - nor most of the other negative experiences like dick pics, unsolicited rude comments etc. Probably because I've got zero tolerance for anything like that so if I even get a hint of anything too sleazy/sexual/casual from a man's pics (selfies in bed, topless pics etc) then I just move past them. And then I do the whole messaging back and forth for a good few days before agreeing to meet. (Also I don't give them my number unless/until I have met them in first and want to see them again.. another little thing that seems to put off some men but that's a bit of a red flag to me again - yes the dating apps are a bit annoying to exchange messages on, but moving to whatsapp removes all my control/safety of keeping my number safe and (usually) being able to report something abusive/sexual on the apps.

Not saying that OP has done anything wrong here, but I do think she should look back on their communications and past experiences and see if there's any red flags there that you might have missed that you can look out for next time. (Assuming you're not ok with this language and you dont want to carry on seeing him!)

Edited to add that I mean the combination of the money shot message plus the tits comment is what I personally would think is unacceptable. If it was just the money shot comment then maybe I'd think he meant something like others have mentioned - a nice clear photo of your face for example if you'd just sent him a group pic or whatever. Like the PP commented before - the best photo of Marilyn Monroe or whatever. I definitely think the meaning of "money shot" has adjusted somewhat over the years from the porn comment.. just like all language has.

Neither I would.

It is ok to have standards and self respect. It is ok to expect that any man you are considering romantic entanglement of any kind with must respect you and see you as a whole person not just a chance at sexual gratification for them. It is not "prudish" to refuse to be objectified. If that's normal for him, he'll need to stick to women with no self respect in future. Hope you find a decent one next time, but it's better to be single than to put up with that kind of thing.

Money shot may now have porn connotations, we don't know if he knew that. It can just mean the best bit, was often a glamourous actresses face, think Marilyn Monroe, or a dramatic scene in a film (not porn) he may well have just been saying you have lovely breasts, in a rather crude way. A bit crass but not necessarily a deal breaker. What's he like usually? Was he put out by you going to the posh do without him?

What nunnery have you been in?

@GinaDavva what are you talking about? Nuns don’t have boyfriends. Stupid comment.

@GabbyK I would dump him immediately and not waste any more time on him. So he was just joking, yeah, he was just showing you who he really is. Don’t lower your standards.

What a strange response! Wouldn’t a normal reply be ‘you look great!’ Not ‘get your tits out!’ or words to that effect. Obviously you know what he’s like in real life but I’d be upset at not receiving a compliment on being dressed up and sharing a picture where I think I look good.

Yep, I'd block.

He’s horrible.

Tits was used continuously on What Not to Wear. Used to be a word women used. Doesn't change the fact this guy can fuck off though!

Oh stop it. Just because you'd allow someone to speak to you like this doesn't mean other women shouldn't have boundaries. 'Well bred boyfriends'?? You mean men who respect women?

Instant ick. Byeeeee

I'm not defending the OP's date, because he sounds like a complete oaf, but I definitely think a lot of the 'Well, my boyfriend would never' people would get a hell of a shock if they saw their partner's unedited internet history.

He does not view you as a potential life partner, he sees you as a piece of meat. Good he signalled his ideas so early in the dating game. You are well rid of him.

Yes, it's getting much worse. And it will get worse still - even a cursory glance at a porn site will tell you what men really think of women, and how they have been allowed to escalate that thinking.

I really hope that liberal feminists - ie pro porn, 'sex worker', heavy sexualisation of women is A-OKL, very girl boss and empowering - are starting to wonder whether maybe they've been had.

Haha! Someone writing 'thankyou' instead of 'thank you' would enrage me so much that, if I were dating them, I might have to dump them over it.

I realise it's very much me who would be the problem in that scenario 😶

I see the nuns have arrived with their perfect well bred boyfriends who never ever say a single word out of line and treat them all like queens 24hrs a day.. 🙄

I would have dumped him immediately.

Yeah me too. How dare he speak to OP like that. I swear to god, If anything ever happens to my DP or if we split, I will never go near another man and I mean it.

Well that was a pretty wet reply and a poor response from him (it’s a jokkkke!).

You can do better OP.
Much better.