WWYD? Big age gap and no where to turn…

I agree with others, you do need some kind of job or other focus in your life. I think you are just bored at the moment and need something else. Apart from that, count your blessings.

Lots of great advice here that I hope will open your eyes to the choices you have available to you to make things better. And you not only can - but should. It’s not good for your children to have a bored unhappy parent, hankering after something better (even if you think you put on a good front to them and do your best to be a good mum). And it’s terrible role modelling to tolerate a situation you don’t like without making plans/taking steps to do something about it. That was my mother and I vowed I’d live my life differently (and I have). She became a SAHM in the 50s (when that’s what you did when you had kids) and she was not a happy woman. Also - surely childcare options in the UK are not that bad? I’m in New Zealand and my granddaughter had to go to nursery at 8 months when my daughter went back to work. It was a lovely place and she thrived there. Have you actually looked at the options available in your area?

I think what you’re experiencing is really normal. I think there’s a stage after big life events (marriage, baby no 1, baby no 2) where life just settles down and starts to feel a bit dull because you haven’t got that adrenaline rush of some massive new change. I also understand about the career, but I had my DCs in my thirties when I was much more established in my career and I still ended up in a similar position to you. I retrained in my forties and now have a new career which I love just as much. You are still young, you have financial freedom, you can lose weight and feel glamorous again and you can retrain and build a new career. And you will be able to put your heart into that when your old friends are dealing with pre-teens, precisely because you had your family young. Go for it!

My observations are:

Put some effort into the situation like finding a job which will give you some focus and stimulation. Life with young children as a sahm can feel a bit stifling and boring.

Try to reconnect with your husband. There must have been something other than wealth and comfort that drew you to him? He’s only mid 40’s!!! That’s absolutely nothing, as you will soon find when you hit that age.

In short, these are the choices you have made and your situation sounds quite enviable in a lot of respects. And as for the whole “passion” thing, I am sorry to sound harsh but …grow up!! The grass is not greener.

I agree with a lot of others. You are only 30 years old! You have your whole life ahead of you. I would re train and look into adult day or evening courses. You have 2 kids and hopefully for their sake you can work this out. Maybe some date nights would help? If u have a babysitter?

Count your blessings and stick it out - many SAHMs feel like that at some stage - including me- but it’s worth it . That time goes by really quickly and is invaluable for their development and family dynamics. So many women in their thirties long for a husband and children and end up not able to have a family. And relationships are hard when children are little.

“All I can think of is how things could have been.”
When we do this, all we think about is a better life, when in reality it might have been a lot worse. Count your blessings.

Your DH being in mid 40s should not be a concern unless he has aged really bad, which doesn't sound the case. Are you willing to compromise on your wealth to spend more quality time with your husband? Any workaholic would have to compromise on a number of things, including his stamina and time devoted to the family. You cannot have the best of both worlds unless you want to sound delusional. Probably a few good years of dating with no sight on end would have given you some perspective on how lucky you are

Your children mean the world to you, so don’t ruin their lives by leaving their father whom they love. Put them first, they can’t change things but you can without leaving a good man who provides for you all. There is lots of good advice on here as to how you can make things better, but whatever you do, don’t ruin your children’s lives.

TV is dead anyway as an industry. So even if you hadn't moved away, you might be career changing anyway.

I know several former well-established TV producers working on household name shows that are now retrained in their late 30s. Two as teachers, one who did a data science boot camp course and has become a data analyst for a big beauty brand, and another went into the civil service and now works in the transport department.

You have several decades of working life ahead of you. You are comfortably off and so have the luxury of being able to retrain in a new job without too much financial pressure.

Don't be so precious about child care. No one is saying you must leave them in a nursery for 12 hours every day but to refuse to use any is ridiculous.

What industries exist in the area you moved to?

The grass isn’t always greener it just looks that way.

Focusing on gratitude will help this situation. Really sit and write down every day all the blessings in your life. I'm glad you've reached out here because some will tell you the problem is your immaturity. I don't mean that in a horrible way, I have struggled with that a lot myself. I'm early 50s now and had to go through incredible heartache and mistakes to get to where I am now, full of gratitude for my boring, small life (that I love!). The glamour is over, you've got children. It's the next stage of your life. This is their childhood and they're looking to you to focus on them and be grateful.

As money isn’t a problem, get a nanny, retrain. We can all lose weight if we really want to. I think you are bored and somehow blaming it on your husband for being older. Count your blessings, get a grip, and take action!

Presumably your children will start school the September after their 4th birthdays, you can do what masses of other parents do and use wrap-around care or a childminder, or you can be at the school gate for 3pm, it’s up to you how you manage the school years - I was a single parent from when mine were 11, 9 and 5, I had three kids at three different schools some years, in a very rural location. I worked during school hours, drove them all to their various activities and to see their friends, and it was sheer relentless hell until they were all driving themselves around.

I’d suggest moving back to town before they start school, if your marriage doesn’t survive your current dissatisfaction at least you’ll be near people and things to do.

What does your husband want the future to look like? Does he similarly regret his life choices thus far?

I think exactly this too OP ..

You feel stuck, and that can happen. I moved away for my DH job too with young kids. It’s easy to feel isolated in these circumstances. Try not to go down the “grass is greener” rabbit hole, Get some hobbies, outside of being a wife and mum, something just for you that you enjoy, one or two nights a week. You’ll make new friends that way too. Good luck x

Very good advice

Let’s be realistic. You had approx 2-4 years in media/TV after graduating. Sorry but you really were just starting out. Who knows what would have happened 5 years down the line if you hadn’t met your DH. Careers in this industry generally require you to dedicate your life to them, with little time for relationships and family. They favour younger people who are happy to work insane hours when they are starting out.
I’m 40 with two young kids and look back at my 20s with such nostalgia. I think it’s a function of having kids and starting a new chapter of life.
Like others have said, you need to build a new purpose in life. Start going to the gym, meeting a new crowd and thinking about training for a new career. Your kids will only stay little for a relatively short period and once in school you can return to work if that’s what you wish to do.

I can't see anything in the initial post about him losing his looks. The OP has commented on her weight gain rather than his. You might not be attracted to an older man but the OP was, enough to marry him and have his children. You don't just suddenly change your mind in a marriage with children because your partner commits the crime of getting older!

From the post it sounds like he’s losing his looks and aging. There’s a difference between 40 (when she first stating dating him) and pushing 50. I’m the same as OP and wouldn’t be attracted to a 50 year old man. Most mid thirties women wouldn’t be really.

Meant to add, I had my first at 25 and was a totally lone parent. I didn’t sacrifice myself at the alter of motherhood- I still managed some semblance of a social life and still worked.

You’ve gone from one extreme to the other. You can have kids, a career and friends. It wouldn’t like your old life obviously but having children doesn’t mean you have to give up everything about yourself. Having access to money makes it a lot easier to find self fulfilment outside of children. It doesn’t even have to be a career, just a part time job, hobbies, study, volunteering. Something that gives your life a bit of a meaning and gives you some interests outside of the house and your children and husband.

Why were you so keen to drop your career as it began?
That was on you.
What was the appeal of a man so much older, that you were so quick to opt out?
Those decisions are on you.
Why did you make those decisions?

I remember being 25 and no way would any much older man have tempted me away from having my 20's and my job, friends etc.

Figure out why you made these decisions when all those around weren't?

Get yourself a life coach and start making some different decisions.

Pay for help so you can retrain and do something with your life.

Get your health and weight under control.
You threw in the towel so early to provide him with children.

He's a workaholic and you do everything else?

You need to start making better decisions if you want a different outcome.

Start with being honest with yourself.
Its really not clear in your post why you gave everything up at such a young age.

You were late 30s though. OP is literally 30. Perimenopause at 30 is extremely rare. Most people are just starting to have babies at that age.

I mean, this is why women nowadays often choose to 1) have children in their 30s rather than 20s, and 2) use childcare. We want to work and are bored being SAHM. Like you are.

It is in your power to change all of this. You probably won't get back the skinny figure or career you had in your early 20s, but you'd have been unlikely to keep that much longer anyway.