WWYD? Big age gap and no where to turn…

Completely agree with this.

This. You need more in your life for you.. you need to find a way to make this work. Childcare is fine..and work on your relationship more. You have a great life and it's normal to feel like this with small kids. Its a really short phase.

And by the way 15 years is not a 'shocking' age gap, especially now you are in your 30s!!

This. The grass is always greener. But you need to give your head a wobble. I have had to work to pay a mortgage and as a result spent a lot less time with my kids than I would have liked. I would literally have killed to be in your position.
As others have said, you are bored, and a bit spoilt. You have no idea how the others are feeling. A school friend of mine ended up in a similar position to you (except they moved to Singapore for the husband's job), she was the envy of all of us, going through Tinder nightmares, and struggling with money worries, dire flatshares, and/or awful work/life balances. You say yourself you wouldn't want to leave yoru kids in childcare. How many of your 30 year old friends with 30 year old husbands can afford that choice, whilst still keeping their lifestyle, do you think??

The cards are all in your hands. You are bored, and you have put on weight. What are you waiting for? Join a posh gym, and start working out. I started strength training 6 months ago in small group personal training classes and absolutely love it. It's full of women, and lots of them swan off for a coffee after (I can't I have to go to work). You will get your confidence and your va va voom back. Your relationship is perfectly normal. After a few years, that's how things evolve. But if you feel better about yourself and work on the relationship, it will pick up a bit.
Or join a book club, get part time work (even if it's volunteering in a charity shop!), anything to broaden your horizons. Or, start working in a local school or retrain as a teacher. Or look at social media courses like digitalmums, and do that from home. If you don't need an income, but want to do something, that could be an option.

And finally, don't over think your career potential. If you stopped at 24, you have really no idea how much potential you had, you only worked a couple of years! - everyone has high ambitions at 24, but very few people end up at the top of the pyramid. If you are not willing to sacrifice time with your children for work (which you clearly are not), then your career would have stalled in any case, even if you had had them later.

These years are tough but you need to start developping some interests beyond the children, which you can then build on when they go to school and are away for most of the day.

Lose some weight and take a part time job in your old field if you can.

You have everything to be happy, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Loose weight and get a part time job or do some volunteering.

Grass isn't greener on the other side, grass is greener where you water it. I dont think this is about the age gap. It's about you yearning a past life. I do think you are making alot of excuses and assumptions about what you can't do and actually sounds like you're in a very privileged position to do whatever you want - should you want to start working again. I left London 7 years ago, moved away for DH job, became a SAHM (for the same reasons as you) but really missed my old life- after 4 years of not working, I now work full time (self employed) in my old field, fully remote with travel to London every month and earn more than double. Before I started doing that I did a post grad course in something different which inspired me to get back into my old career. I suppose the point I'm making is that things can change but you need to make the effort - stop blaming the age gap, just do something, take a course, start a business, learn something. You don't have to be a martyr to motherhood. I still do school pick ups and drop offs. As kids get older they want to do after school clubs. All your friends are probably envious of your life. And once they have kids they will be no different.
Now when I go back to London I hate it, (loved it when I lived there) - you couldn't pay me to move back.

OP I had my first child mid 30s and my second in my 49s and I feel like you when I look at people I know having a different life, that’s not age related, it’s the reality of motherhood hitting you square in the face. Social media makes it seem so much worse because it’s always that perfect photo and envy does take over when you’re sat in on a Saturday night watching cartoons not even strictly and thinking everyone else is out having a ball.

Theres a lot you can be doing before you walk away from it all. The romantic phase of marriage settles down with kids and responsibility, it changes into a more boring domesticated phase but if you still get on and have feelings for each other (might not be the list you once had) then there’s something to work on if you want to.

leaving’s of course an option but you still won’t have the carefree lifestyle your single pals do. I spoke recently to a beautiful young woman of 30 who was lamenting her lack of love and children in her life and how she felt she was never going to get the chance of a family. Her insta doesn’t give any of that away. The grass is always greener.

for your own sanity get a part time job, put your kids into nursery, you’ll be doing them a favour and yourself too. Frame it to your husband as for your own sanity too if he doesn’t like it then get him to stay home the hours you work. Being loaded with multiple foreign holidays isn’t essential.

Work on what’s within your reach before making huge drastic choices, you’ll always look on others lives as being more interesting anyway

Better men?? Better than your own?? I think you should be counting your blessings

You've done it all at a very young age . Im much much older than you ( 60s) and that young to settle l, even in my day. You sound very discontented. I think you seriously need to think what you want out of life before you make any further decisions. You sound impulsive.

The grass is always greener. Your friends living the single life might well be envious of you being settled with what sounds like a good man who is providing well for you and your children.

I don't think this is about your marriage, I think it is about not having an identity outside of being a mum in your current life. I remember feeling that way when my children were small and I was a SAHM.

I would say that although your children's wellbeing is important, so is yours. I'd start making plans for a new career. You are still young! Work out what you would like to do and plan how you can achieve that. I think you'd feel much better with something to look forward to. It sounds like you have the luxury of not having to worry too much about it making good money.

Stop looking backwards and start looking forwards.

First thing i think is how very fortunate you are being a stay at home mum, i,ve always had to work around the clock to pay a heavy mortgage, that comes with huge sacrifice to child and self so look at it that way you have p r e c i o u s time with the kids and not been worked every hour x

You could do something new: a part-time course, p-t job - sounds like you need to carve out a life of your own. You’re in a great position - it doesn’t matter how much or how little you earn - you can do something that you enjoy. Sounds like you need a change. Good luck!

Being blunt OP, it sounds like you've had it really good and really easy. I'm not saying it to be unkind, but you sound like you need a reality check.

Most people would kill to be in your position. If the worst thing you can say about your life, is that you're vaguely unfilled and the spark has gone from your relationship after being together years, you should be happily counting your blessings, and not comparing your life to that of other people.

Your problems are fixable. If your partner is one of the good ones, as it seems he is, there are things you can do to improve the relationship. As for feeling unfulfilled, when the children are at school, you can find something you are interested in / passionate about - you have the luxury of it not even needing to be a paid role! The opportunities are limitless. Most fewer have so much less agency in their lives, and so much less opportunity to do the things that make them happy.

You sound spoilt and immature. Looks fade for everyone. Find some purpose beyond motherhood if that's what you want. Nobody is stopping you. Do a course or get a part time job. Grow up.

It appears that you have moved from being 'in love' a transitory phase, to loving each other and your family, which is a more productive phase that mature adults inhabit. I am not sure why you are unhappy. You have friends and a lovely home and DC. You are regretting missing out on changing partners and unlimited sex and parties. I will tell you a secret: all that stuff is not as fun as it looks. And a 15 year age gap is not that huge. Cultivate some interests aside from DC - learn to paint, write novels with the intent to get them published, learn a new language...you are bored.

Comparison is the thief of joy. It is trite but so true. How do you know others aren't wishing for your comfortable life where you have time to spend with your kids? No money worries, a lovely house?
I think you need some hobbies and interests outside the family - a sport, a book club, something just for you - as raising kids is a full time job.

This is going to sound very harsh, but honestly!! You need to give your head a HUGE wobble. Look around and see how life is for most. Grow up and count your blessings, because as I read it you’ve got a whole lot more than most.

Stop looking at others, comparing etc, it brings you nothing, concentrate on the life you have chosen and be thankful for what you have, build on that.

With the best will in the world, you sound bored and like you need something to occupy your mind. Retrain, start a small business, get a part time job in something that really interests you (you have the luxury that the salary is unimportant). Anything that stops you blaming your boredom on your marriage.

I think it is quite common to have a bit of a wobble after having kids. I would start with how you are feeling about yourself. Get your weight under control, may be join a gym and/or some classes. You might meet other people who are more your tribe along the way. Try therapy. Consider doing some kind of voluntary work just very part time if your childcare responsibilities allow. As the kids grow up you will have lots more options. A second career is very possible in time. Don't panic!

Honestly, grow up.

you have a lovely life with two lovely children, you don’t work and you have the finances and agency to do what you want to do.

all of those people that are settling down now are setting down to get what you have got.

this is a you issue and YOU need to fix it.

get a new career, retrain what ever.

put some effort in to your marriage and commitments.

you will feel better for it

Maybe start a new hobby one night a week. If I had more money like you I’d join a pottery class as I’ve always fancies it but it’s bloody expensive. Maybe you’d make some friends who you have more in common with than the mums like a shared interest. You do sound bored but I think it sounds like it’s a you problem because your life sounds lovely

Early 30s is a pretty common age to reassess..your life is comfortable and its probably stopping you push to make things more fulfilling. You need to make changes but they would be hard - getting fitter or retraining and going back to work.
Lots of people think grass is greener on the other side remember as much as you are envious of old friends lives there will be at least a few of them envying you with a nice home, husband and kids

Sorry OP I don’t think you are being realistic, you have a husband who earns well. Several holidays a year, no money worries and you won’t put your kids in nursery. Either make a change to make things work for yourself, get a divorce and be prepare for your husband to meet someone else and he will have the resources to do what he pleases.

What age are your kids? Could you find childcare a day or few mornings a week to start exercising to feel a bit better about yourself?

I would have much rather my 20s have been in your position on exotic holidays with a rich partner! My now husband was a student in his late 20s we had no money, no holidays and it took years to buy a house.

You sound very shallow and spoilt tbh. I could guarantee your friends in your 20s would have gave anything to be in your position back then.

You made a choice and now you have your kids who you adore, but you also want the single child free life, isn't this kind of wanting to have your cake and eat it? You can't realistically have both... or are you thinking you want the kids but no hubby?