WWYD? Big age gap and no where to turn…

What an awful thing to say about your husband. He deserves to divorce you and find someone who is not repulsed by him.

Ish. It is because the man cares. Being intimate regularly with my husband just reminds me how utterly repulsed by him I am and how much I never want to have sex with anyone ever again. When we go on holidays with the children and share a suite we don't. It's the only time I get a glimmer of hope that I could actually save the relationship.

Having worked extensively with Media types, I would say you are well out of it.

They are vacuous, narcissistic and largely ill educated but will give themselves airs and “big themselves up”
Sadly the public are easily fooled and lap up their drivel. l.
The MSM is a facade. All that glitters is not gold.

Perhaps look further education/study to give yourself a boost in self esteem which may in future provide part time employment options.

I’m mid 40s and still in my glam slim years, more than ever. But yes you have a big age gap and I can imagine it will keep feeling bigger.

Ok, come back and expand a bit on the questions asked, so you can brainstorm your own postings, otherwise we are doing guess work

It's the age you guys met, you were too young. I understand because I was 20 when I settled down with my husband. There is 7 years between us. I get what you are going through. Where are your parents? Your family?

This is a shit thing to say. 15 years is a huge age difference. You don't get to decide what people are upset about.

Your friends might be jealous that you have.2 babies.

Anyway. It’s a very tough time when kids are little. I would try to get through this stage and would think that things will improve.

Plus you will be free of children well before you’re 50.

There does not seem to be a good reason to throw this marriage away and break your family up and I therefore think you would regret it.

Have you tried being grateful?

15 years is nothing. The only difference between 30 and 45, is how much you have left on your mortgage.

You really are scraping the barrel of things to feel bad about.

Like others im not sure id say this is an age thing. Im 33 and my husband is mid 40s and I dont even notice the age difference. We still have passion etc. It may be more a relationship issue op?

I actually think you would be better off moving back to London. Did something similar and wasted so much.
I hated living in the countryside. I had no friends and I refused to get pregnant till we moved back. I knew if I had children living in that place my life would be over

At least in London it gives you the choice of what you can do.

I think there is a huge difference in experiences between what your dh’s life looks like and what yours looks like.

I will ask you a question that I ended up asking dh something similar. If roles were reversed and you didn’t go to work and had to sit in the house, no matter how beautiful it is, looking after your dc 24/7 would you make that your life or would you want more?

If you are the spouse who goes to work then you view your life very differently to the spouse who stays in the home and isn’t able to go out on their own. It is almost like a gilded cage and sometimes it takes a decision to rip the plaster off and go back to London even if it means a smaller house. Although when we returned we ended up in a bigger place than we could have imagined and we found it was so much cheaper

No good earning £250k per year if you are throwing most of that amount on genetal living expenses and lots of holidays and treats to get away from the place or to make it more bearable.

@Abcdefghno I had so much potential in my chosen career and I gave it all up. I couldn’t even go back to it anymore as I no longer have the contacts I used to, and I can no longer put in the hours that would be required.

Many people would like to be SAHPs as there really is not much fulfillment to be had in a workplace, except for the small minority of people who get to work on something really interesting and fascinating. My work is just a grind and I would not see it as fulfilling.

I never got to do the living alone and dating thing really and I really regret that. I see what all of my old friends and university colleagues are up to and I’m so envious of how ‘free’ their lives are.

A lot of things you see on TV or on social media aren't really representative of reality. I'm not married, but I never did the 'living alone and dating thing' (I wasn't aware this was a thing) and I am not aware of anyone I knew from school who did this.

I don't think your friends and colleagues are really free, as they will be just be grinding away at work. All I do is grind away at work, and I have nothing outside of that, so to me it's the people who have lots of money and who don't have to work who seem free.

If she’s early 30s and he’s 15 years older he must be approaching 50. Men go a bit funny around 47 I’ve found. Maybe it’s a drop in testosterone. But regardless it doesn’t sound like he’s a problem. They have just grown stale

But I know some very fit 70 year olds….

If working doesn't feel right when the children are young, but you want to be engaged with the world in a different way, how about study? There might be a PT masters, partly online, over 2-3 yrs that would open future career doors.

I agree. It’s not.
I’m 10 years younger than DH. I’m aware, sometimes, that the age gap is there, but it’s certainly not a reason to be unhappy

I'm going to be honest, OP, but I think you're in for a rough ride if you're not absolutely crazy about him. The age difference will get bigger as you both age - not literally, obviously, but unless he's extremely healthy and sprightly into old age, there's going to be a serious mismatch.

Going against the grain a bit here OP, but has no one pointed out that in ten years time you will still only be 40 and your DH will be 55?

If you’re bored and unfulfilled now, it will be even worse then.

I felt like this when I was a couple of years older than you - I didn’t really love my husband, I was bored and unfulfilled. I didn’t like my life.

I left and didn’t look back.

(Oh, and it didn’t ruin my children’s lives.)

Younger side to have kids?! Having a baby in late 20s isn’t particularly young?

I was your age once, living in London, interesting job, active social life, boyfriends etc. I was also full of insecurities and not particularly happy. As others say, the grass is always greener….You’ve had your family young and this gives you an advantage: you can now reinvent your career and have lots of time to do this.

Agree it’s absolute tosh. I’m in peri (yes I see an experienced gynecologist and have had hormonal testing) and I am 33!!!! Very young but still in peri ffs. Women don’t get offended we are told we are too young, we get offended when that’s used to dismiss us and gaslight us when we know our bodies have changed.

It's hilarious that you think 30 is old and that you can't still be gorgeous. You're in your prime now! Honestly, I'm 46 and still pretty...🤣🤣❤️

Also agree with this!

Taking money out of it, OP, how is your relationship with your husband?

I badly think that comparison is the their of joy here and you have SO many ‘if I hadn’t’ and almost are imagining a make belief life. In my social circles and in the same age, nearly all my friends met their partners at University or the few years after, and so none of my friends same age as you are marrying. We are all married, with children. I’m a SAHM and plan on going back to work when my youngest is in school. You seem very all or nothing tbh and I bet even if you left your husband you wouldn’t find the things you think you’re missing. I don’t know any single men our age. All are married with babies or toddlers.