WWYD? Big age gap and no where to turn…

This is a brilliant reply. Heed this advice!👍

Few of us can have our cake and eat it.

You CAN revive your career: work it out now, see a work coach, work out a route towards using your experience to re-launch or divert. use your skills and experience in a different way. Think about some courses or professional development: a lot is available online.

You can plan to move to a less boring area.

With a well supported, loving secure parental background there is really nothing wrong with nursery or a Nanny. They will soon be at school. Plenty of women have a fulfilling professional life and children. I did, and we didn’t have anything like your income.

And stop wallowing. You are hardly too old to be fit and fabulous .

It sounds like you need to find something to give you purpose. This could be paid work or volunteering. Why are you so uncomfortable with childcare? I'm choosy with childcare but have found solutions I'm happy with e.g. it sounds like you could afford a part time nanny.

You need an interest - it doesn't have to be paid work. Can you find something that really sparks your interest and can develop into a passion and do something fulfilling as well as bringing up DC. You are ideally placed to follow a dream - no money worries or many time constraints.

In my experience almost everyone thinks about the path not taken, and how things might have been differernt.

And there are always trade offs. Persue a very intense career and maybe you need to give up on having kids or raising them yourself, or maybe it means a very hectic lifestyle.

Have kids and be a SAHM for a few years and some thing you might have done with your career won't be options in the same way.

However, I will say - don't make the mistake of thinking where you ar is forever. Your kids will grow up and you may still have 25 or 30 years ahead you can dedicate to a career. There are a lot of people who have a second career in their lives, maybe more than stay in one sector.

In a few years you will probably be in a position to get started on something new, or return to your old career, even if you need to start again from a lower level.

I initially trained for one career, worked for a bit in a differernt, but related area, was home with kids for 15 years though iI did some PT work in the last 10, again related somewhat, and now am back into the initial area I trained in. And I could be there 20 years which is a reasonable time to do one thing, imo.

You are in the thick of kids, just remember that there will be other people who are looking at you and thinking about whether they are missing out because of their own choices.

If you don’t need to work now then you can certainly return to work & pay for childcare. Millions of us do it. Often for our sanity. Getting a job, loosing weight etc all in your gift.

That’s not too bad , actually. Look, a comment earlier pointed to the possibility of you unrealistically comparing your actual, real life with those of your friends’ OG , unrealistic ones. Sit back and take a stock of the positives you have. I’m sure it’s all worth it.

Also - I wouldn't rule out a couple of nursery days per week. When they start school, you might be very glad of a gentler transition... And it would give you time to start figuring things out.

You've only lost 5 or 6 years of work - you can restart things after a career break, but it would take a big push. There are schemes to help women return to work in the media. Contacts can be rekindled. Is it worth reaching out to people you've worked with in the past to go for coffee and scope things out? Or try to figure out what it was you liked about that career, and if there's another career with more predictable hours that might give you some of that? I'd be wary of conflating your feelings about your past career with your broader feelings about the loss of your more carefree life. Ie. try to make decisions for who you are now, not for the life stage you wish you could go back to.

No advice for the loveless marriage. It's tough, and MN is often very quick to say "leave". You have kids and he sounds like a good guy. Can you work at it?

I wonder if more than the age gap, it is the life stage. If you have little kids, not yet in school, you're really in the trenches of early motherhood and that is such a bonkers, overwhelming time.
Maybe you could consider letting them go to nursery for a couple of days a week and use those two days to find out who you are now and what you like doing. If money isn't much of an issue, you really do have a wealth of opportunity before you and I am sure that as the kids grow up and you have more time for yourself, you'll find that brilliant spark again. 💕

But that's pretty normal when you have very young children OP.
It's easy to compare with others and see what you perceive to have missed out on but nobody has everything and I can guarantee that there will be people who envy you.
I suggest that you do something for yourself (a hobby or part time job) to regain your identity.
Caring for very young children is exhausting and most relationships lack passion during this time.
You live in a nice house and have no money worries and can afford to be a Sahm.
That is an extremely fortunate position to be in. I appreciate that in itself does not equate with happiness but please stop comparing your situation to others. You can avail of multiple opportunities to engage in whatever you may find interesting /opportunities for employment

I was slim, glamorous and was always able to get any guy I wanted on a date. I met DH who had a fantastic job, great looking and we really hit it off.

So you used your slim, glamorous body to get an older wealthy guy who has given you are very comfortable life where you don't have to work - and you wish instead you had a few more years of partying to then have to manage juggling working full-time and raising kids?

I personally couldn’t ever have been fulfilled a SAHM, and I wonder if that’s most of your issue. Though you say your friends have better men. Better in what way? More handsome? Younger? The grass isn’t always greener. But never give up your financial independence as you see it every single day on here without fail, women trapped as they no longer work and fully financially reliant on a man. I’ve always told my own DD never to do this.

Jesus, talk about wanting your cake and eating it. You got what you wanted at the time- which is a living standard well above most ppl on here.

You’ve got a man who adores (tho not loves you later say) you and your kids. You claim to regret missing out on dating but opened with how slim and glamorous you were and could have any man you wanted when it came to dating.

Well you got your man, who doesn’t seem to have done anything wrong but give you a more than comfortable lifestyle and 2 presumably healthy happy kids. FFS what more do you want?

Learn to be grateful for what you have. If you start complaining about your lot to other women you’ll soon find your ‘only’ mum friends start to dry up too.

Same here - I dont think having young children in your early 30s is unusual at all.

Thats when myself and most of my friends started having children. Frankly, I think it's a little bit sad to still be acting like a university student in your 30s.

Most people start to grow up a bit by their 30s, are seeing their friends start to settle down and arent interested in the party life any more. It's completely natural to grow out of that phase. That doesnt mean you cannot go out and have fun of course, but your life stops revolving around it and other things become more important.

Everyone is going to regret something that could have been but it wasn't.
Get some interest, work something that keep your body and mind busy and remember my first sentence. Don't look to the past, look to the future.

Agree with this - especially my friends in TV/media in London. From what I gather post-COVID it's even more dog eat dog. Many of my friends have ended up almost going backwards in their careers in order to stay in the industry.

This sounds very rare! I'm in my early 30s too and only a couple of my friends don't have kids. And to be honest, they're really unhappy with their "young, carefree" lives back in London as they feel everyone else has outgrown that stage and is settled down.

I wonder if this is more of a nostalgia/rose-tinted-hindsight problem

It's not his afe it seems, more the life you've settled into and wanted.

Money is even irrelevant. We all live on some money. Do you want to live with this man?

Is not having a lot of money actually good? Why do you want to leave this and if you cannot earn even one tenth of his salary , that really means you will go on benefits...<??>

I despair sometimes of reading stuff on here

When the sex dries up, especially for such a young woman and reasonably youngish man, then many other things will get parched

I feel exactly the same as you OP and there is a 4 year gap between me and my DH.

What you’re describing isn’t an age gap problem it’s a ‘settling down and becoming a stay at home Mum’ problem.

Don’t focus on the age. You would feel the same if your DH was 35. Being young and attractive and working in a fun, media job is full-on and creative and buzzy. Dealing with kids in suburbia, even with no money issues is…well…a bit bloody boring.

Do something via social media/ start a business! Stop comparing your life to others!

It is a question very often asked here and the state of it does reveal how a relationship is going. Like literally, have you ever been in a sexual relationship with a man?

it's still easy to learn new skills in your 30s

It certainly is. I started my first degree when I was 30 and my son was nine and my career didn’t even begin until I was 34. The promotions came fast, not least because I was reliable and was never going to be off on maternity leave. You need a new career @Abcdefghno, something you love and feel passionate about. You’re incredibly lucky that money isn’t an issue so you don’t need to factor earning potential into your choice. Stop regretting the past and focus on the future.