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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

465 replies

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 11:07

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

OP posts:
NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 09:52

Floundering66 · 01/11/2025 09:51

Haha I guess I see perfume as toiletries, I wouldn’t mind a guest helping themselves to any toiletries I’d left in my bathroom, including my expensive face wash/ shower gels. If I like someone enough to have them stay at my house, then a spritz of perfume wouldn’t bother me. I keep my perfumes on my dressing table in my bedroom - if a guest had wondered I there and helped herself I would find that rude. I think because you describe it as a guest room, I presumed everything in there was set up for guests.

I think most people are being a bit unfair to your friend, she would probably be mortified reading this!

I 100% agree with all of this. Hope she's not on mumsnet, poor woman!

Floundering66 · 01/11/2025 09:51

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 21:26

It’s really not (IMO) 🤣 towels are a very usual thing to lend to guests, perfume very much not so!

Edited

Haha I guess I see perfume as toiletries, I wouldn’t mind a guest helping themselves to any toiletries I’d left in my bathroom, including my expensive face wash/ shower gels. If I like someone enough to have them stay at my house, then a spritz of perfume wouldn’t bother me. I keep my perfumes on my dressing table in my bedroom - if a guest had wondered I there and helped herself I would find that rude. I think because you describe it as a guest room, I presumed everything in there was set up for guests.

I think most people are being a bit unfair to your friend, she would probably be mortified reading this!

Terrytheweasel · 01/11/2025 09:51

The fact they were in a cupboard (not on display as everyone keeps commenting!) and she made the comment ‘get my money’s worth’ makes me think she thought she was having a nice weekend away and treated your place like a hotel.

B1anche · 01/11/2025 09:50

Kimura · 01/11/2025 08:14

I personally wouldn't use someone's perfumes without asking, but I can see why others would. Especially if you have a sizeable collection/display...it's sort of inviting people to have a nosey.

How about this though...I collect trainers - I have hundreds of pairs, many in storage but I have a wall with clear shoeboxes in one of our guest rooms with about 100 of my best pairs on display in them.

One time we had one of my partner's friends stay over with his girlfriend, who I hadn't met before. Turns out she's into trainers too, so we got along famously. As we were walking to the pub that night I clocked that she was wearing a very highly sought after (and very expensive)) pair of Nikes.

I said something along the lines of "Oh wow, the woman has taste!" only for her to reply that she'd 'borrowed them off my shoe rack'.

I don't know what hit me the hardest, the fact that she'd thought nothing of nabbing a pair of £1k+ trainers to walk down a country road in without asking, or that she'd called my footwear shrine a 'shoe rack' 😭

This post is hilarious on so many levels!

NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 09:47

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:32

OP has a treadmill in hers…apparently she should have been upstairs, wheeling it out, just in case—you can’t leave anything in the spare room that you don’t want your guests to use, you know.

What couldn't the guest use the treadmill? I have an exercise bike in my spare room and can't imagine being fussed about that! 🙄

NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 09:45

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:35

Some of us keep our wedding dresses in our spare rooms. Would your CF friend have turned up in the pub in a wedding dress? 😂

Did you point blank tell her that it was a display case, and that it wasn’t a library to borrow from? What did your DP say? What did DP’s friend say? Did you ever see her again?

That is such a bizarre comparison.

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:39

DappledThings · 01/11/2025 09:33

Would it be a problem if someone used the treadmill? That's even less controversial than the perfume isn't it?

I would not help myself to someone’s treadmill/rower/Peloton fitness station in their spare room, no. Just like I wouldn’t help myself to their PC/printer in their WFH station in their spare room. WTF is wrong with people?

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:35

Kimura · 01/11/2025 08:14

I personally wouldn't use someone's perfumes without asking, but I can see why others would. Especially if you have a sizeable collection/display...it's sort of inviting people to have a nosey.

How about this though...I collect trainers - I have hundreds of pairs, many in storage but I have a wall with clear shoeboxes in one of our guest rooms with about 100 of my best pairs on display in them.

One time we had one of my partner's friends stay over with his girlfriend, who I hadn't met before. Turns out she's into trainers too, so we got along famously. As we were walking to the pub that night I clocked that she was wearing a very highly sought after (and very expensive)) pair of Nikes.

I said something along the lines of "Oh wow, the woman has taste!" only for her to reply that she'd 'borrowed them off my shoe rack'.

I don't know what hit me the hardest, the fact that she'd thought nothing of nabbing a pair of £1k+ trainers to walk down a country road in without asking, or that she'd called my footwear shrine a 'shoe rack' 😭

Some of us keep our wedding dresses in our spare rooms. Would your CF friend have turned up in the pub in a wedding dress? 😂

Did you point blank tell her that it was a display case, and that it wasn’t a library to borrow from? What did your DP say? What did DP’s friend say? Did you ever see her again?

DappledThings · 01/11/2025 09:33

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:32

OP has a treadmill in hers…apparently she should have been upstairs, wheeling it out, just in case—you can’t leave anything in the spare room that you don’t want your guests to use, you know.

Would it be a problem if someone used the treadmill? That's even less controversial than the perfume isn't it?

U53rName · 01/11/2025 09:32

ShyMaryEllen · 01/11/2025 08:15

Do people completely clear out their spare rooms every time someone stays over? That must make impromptu sleepovers difficult. ‘Oh, have another glass of wine, Delilah. There’s a bed made up in the spare room - it’s no trouble. Just excuse me for an hour whilst I pop upstairs and empty it for you.’

OP has a treadmill in hers…apparently she should have been upstairs, wheeling it out, just in case—you can’t leave anything in the spare room that you don’t want your guests to use, you know.

NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 09:16

ShyMaryEllen · 01/11/2025 08:15

Do people completely clear out their spare rooms every time someone stays over? That must make impromptu sleepovers difficult. ‘Oh, have another glass of wine, Delilah. There’s a bed made up in the spare room - it’s no trouble. Just excuse me for an hour whilst I pop upstairs and empty it for you.’

No, but then I also wouldn't be fussed about a spritz of perfume. If you are, you remove it from the room!

ShyMaryEllen · 01/11/2025 08:15

Do people completely clear out their spare rooms every time someone stays over? That must make impromptu sleepovers difficult. ‘Oh, have another glass of wine, Delilah. There’s a bed made up in the spare room - it’s no trouble. Just excuse me for an hour whilst I pop upstairs and empty it for you.’

Kimura · 01/11/2025 08:14

I personally wouldn't use someone's perfumes without asking, but I can see why others would. Especially if you have a sizeable collection/display...it's sort of inviting people to have a nosey.

How about this though...I collect trainers - I have hundreds of pairs, many in storage but I have a wall with clear shoeboxes in one of our guest rooms with about 100 of my best pairs on display in them.

One time we had one of my partner's friends stay over with his girlfriend, who I hadn't met before. Turns out she's into trainers too, so we got along famously. As we were walking to the pub that night I clocked that she was wearing a very highly sought after (and very expensive)) pair of Nikes.

I said something along the lines of "Oh wow, the woman has taste!" only for her to reply that she'd 'borrowed them off my shoe rack'.

I don't know what hit me the hardest, the fact that she'd thought nothing of nabbing a pair of £1k+ trainers to walk down a country road in without asking, or that she'd called my footwear shrine a 'shoe rack' 😭

Caleb64 · 01/11/2025 07:54

Cheeky AF in my opinion. My sister and I both love fragrances, we’re very close and she has them in lots of rooms but I always ask if I can have a spray. And the comment ‘moneys worth’ 🤮 I assume no money was exchanged. I wouldn’t be upset but I do think she’s odd and cheeky.

briq · 01/11/2025 02:04

I'd be annoyed, but I also would not leave any products in a guest room that I didn't want them to use. She ought to have asked of course. Just to be sure that you intended them to be used by guests. However, she must not have thought you would mind, because perfume is easily noticed, and she apparently wasn't worried about walking around all week smelling like your perfume.

NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 00:18

BreakingWaves · 01/11/2025 00:16

The description of the room is irrelevant. My point was that I wouldn't leave anything that I'm particularly protective of in a room that I'm expecting a guest to sleep in.

As I said, I wouldn't have touched the perfume - but I also wouldn't be astonished if a guest in my home mistakenly thought that they were welcome to use something I'd left in the room I'd provided for them.

Exactly.

NorthenAdventure · 01/11/2025 00:18

PinkPonyClubDancer · 31/10/2025 23:37

Nah it’s weird and rude. People are getting really hung up on the words “guest room”. It’s not a fucking hotel. It’s still op’s home. Why would you use something that’s not yours?! My mums spare room has a wardrobe of her clothes in. I might just wear them next time I stay over.

But these aren't clothes we're discussing! I do actually leave toiletries in the guest room and guest bathroom for guests to use. I mean, not 15 bottles of perfume, but I do think it's not as clear-cut as some people seem to think. Certainly not bad enough to kick up a fuss about!

BreakingWaves · 01/11/2025 00:16

YoudonemessedupAyAyRon · 31/10/2025 18:54

It’s not the guest’s room. It’s a room in the OP’s house. The description of “guest room” is for the OP’s benefit to distinguish that room in her house from the other rooms, not a handing over of ownership of its contents to anyone staying in it.

The description of the room is irrelevant. My point was that I wouldn't leave anything that I'm particularly protective of in a room that I'm expecting a guest to sleep in.

As I said, I wouldn't have touched the perfume - but I also wouldn't be astonished if a guest in my home mistakenly thought that they were welcome to use something I'd left in the room I'd provided for them.

Fontet · 01/11/2025 00:14

RUDE.....I would have told her the same as they were leaving my home honestly....an absolute disgrace without asking.

DeborahVance · 01/11/2025 00:12

I honestly think this sounds like a misunderstanding, especially if you have always liked her previously. I definitely wouldn't blow up a friendship over it

Goldfoxwife · 01/11/2025 00:05

To be fair you could have put them in your room they was in a guest room so 🤷

FateAmenableToChange · 31/10/2025 23:44

I would find that a bit confusing, and rather tempting.... and not prescribe bad intent to her actions because of that. Although Id also probably just have sniffed rather than tried. Maybe next time you have guests stay in there you don't know that well, remove the bottles to be clear.

PinkPonyClubDancer · 31/10/2025 23:37

Nah it’s weird and rude. People are getting really hung up on the words “guest room”. It’s not a fucking hotel. It’s still op’s home. Why would you use something that’s not yours?! My mums spare room has a wardrobe of her clothes in. I might just wear them next time I stay over.

oviraptor21 · 31/10/2025 23:34

Displayed in the way they were, in the guest room, I absolutely wouldn't have realised they were for OP's own use and would have thought it was a really nice touch from someone who loves perfumes. Just an extension of providing toiletries, which I do in a nice basket in the guest bathroom. So yes, I may well have used them but probably would have said something earlier as it's a niche thing to do.
Your guest would probably be mortified if she knew you hadn't intended them to be used.

thishouseisashittip · 31/10/2025 23:32

TheVeryThing · 31/10/2025 11:31

I think she was very cheeky.
Most people don't have a room that is solely set up for the use of guests, usually it's a spare room and used for storage/ hobbies/ wfh etc.
I wouldn't assume I had free use of anything in the room, unless toiletries were place on the bed or something.
Does anyone have a collection of perfumes for their guests to use, really?

Totally agree with this^^ came to say exactly this. Who just helps themselves to ANYTHING in someone else's house! I certainly wouldn't!

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