Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

465 replies

Iloveleaveinconditioner · 31/10/2025 11:07

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 31/10/2025 13:57

SquirrelFan · 31/10/2025 12:53

This - I would have assumed they were a quirky collection of things for guests to use. If there's hand lotion or sunscreen (or a robe and slippers) in the guest room, or shampoo and conditioner in the guest bath, I would assume it was for me to use - why not perfume? I often put nice brands of things that didn't happen to work for me in the guest room. However, this thread may be dividing down the 'perfume-wearers' and 'non-perfume-wearers' line-perhaps people who wear it regularly feel it's more personal /an obvious overstep than people who don't (like me).

Show quote history

I think there's definitely that split. I don't wear perfume and have no interest in it but I have heard people talk about their "signature scent" so I think people do see it as a much more personal thing that I would consider it.

Abd I wouldn't have known if they were particularly expensive ones from the names. I don't really think of perfume being something people have a lot of, more 1 or 2 options hence I would probably assume a big collection of half-used bottles were unwanted ones

KmcK87 · 31/10/2025 13:57

Cornflakegirl7 · 31/10/2025 11:41

I am surprised by these responses. I'd never use any perfume of anyone else's-they're an expensive item, spare room or anywhere they were in the house wouldn't matter.

Most spare rooms, even though never used other than for guests, have personal items in them being stored-Mine has a wardrobe in with some items of clothing I don't wear often-I wouldn't expect guests to help themselves to those items without asking.

At a push I might use someone's shampoo had I forgotten mine, but that's an everyday thing rather than a luxury item.

I think she was very cheeky and presumptuous and I would not give her access to them again, I would move them from the spare room when she stays.

My ex stays at mine quite often to 'dog sit' while I am away, and although we know one another very well and have for years, I know she'd not take anything without asking-and nor would the (two different) partners she's brought with her.

This. We will one day have 1 or 2 “spare” rooms and I will be keeping things in them and not expecting people who come to stay to go rifling through my cupboards! I can see now that I might have to tell people that those things aren’t for guest use because I’m not actually running a hotel. Madness.

Samesame47 · 31/10/2025 13:57

I purposefully leave nice toiletries in the guest bedroom, guests often say it’s like visiting a nice hotel and there are always nice fluffy towels on the bed, a basket of assorted toiletries and couple of bottles of water. I want my guests to be comfortable and if they have forgotten something it’s on hand for them without having to ask. I’d say if you’re leaving things in the guest bedroom then expect them to be used. If it’s personal to you then keep it in your personal space

Hollybobs1 · 31/10/2025 13:55

Yeah, she's a CF. I'm confused about the "getting my money's worth" comment too.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 31/10/2025 13:55

OvernightBloats · 31/10/2025 11:26

I think she was cheeky to say that she wanted to get her money's worth. However, the perfumes were in the guest room so she assumed that she could use them. When you showed her the guest room at the beginning, you should have told her whether she was allowed to use the perfumes or not.

For this reason, the guest is not at fault here.

I think this as well. Her comment could've been construed as cheeky, but we all say daft things when we're on the spot.

I've been reminded of when I was on the French exchange (30+ years ago!). I was a big fan of Cabotine perfume at the time, I thought because it was strong it was sophisticated! I remember going back to my bedroom after school and panicking because I could smell it and thought the bottle had leaked. It hadn't, it was still all fine in my toilet bag. Then I went through to the kitchen and the mother greeted me with a hug - reeking of my blessed perfume 😂 Now that was cheeky fuckery. She also asked me to play piano for her and her boyfriend one evening and they enjoyed it so much they started dry humping on the sofa.

Nearly50omg · 31/10/2025 13:54

Send her a bill seeing as she got her moneys worth! If she’s sprayed herself liberally daily with each perfume she easily could have gone through £200+ worth of perfume!!!

Happyjoe · 31/10/2025 13:53

Ah, just a few squirts of perfume that you'll prob not get through before it goes off anyway! Yeah, it's very cheeky but it's also amusing. At least you had a lovely smelling guest and not stuck smelling a perfume you hated all week :-)

KmcK87 · 31/10/2025 13:53

I wouldn’t dream of using other people’s things even if they were left out on display, I have manners and I’m not a child with limited impulse control. It’s very weird, and I’m shocked at the amount of people who think it’s not.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 31/10/2025 13:49

I’m really surprised by some of the comments on here!
I would never assume that someone would have put a selection of expensive perfumes in their spare room for me to use as I fancy.

gamerchick · 31/10/2025 13:49

I think I would move the cabinet to your bedroom the next time you have guests OP. As long as she's just had a shot and not snaffled a bottle or 2.

At least you know they all smell lovely on someone and not too overpowering. People will be thinking the same about you when you wear them.

Carodebalo · 31/10/2025 13:47

I can’t believe people think it’s ok to use what’s on display behind a glass door! Of course she should not have used them. You are not overly precious OP, what she did (and said) was incredibly rude.

tigger1001 · 31/10/2025 13:45

ginasevern · 31/10/2025 12:05

This isn't a hotel. Guest bedroom basically translates as "spare room". Most people store personal things in a spare room and most normal people would recognise that. I wouldn't assume that absolutely anything left in a spare room was fair game. At the very least I'd ask the host. I can't imagine the vast majority of guests in an ordinary household would assume the vast array of expensive perfumes in a display cabinet had been put there just for them! Except on Mumsnet of course.

I agree.

most people I know don't have "guest rooms" it's a spare bedroom that is used for other things and used if someone is staying over. A secondary use of the room really. I don't know anyone who has a guest room laid out with a variety of perfumes etc to use.

op, she was cheeky, and the comment about getting her moneys worth proves that.

Empress13 · 31/10/2025 13:44

OneFootAfterTheOther · 31/10/2025 11:15

I think the fact they were in her room was the confusion..

she probably thought they were there for using.

Oh come on it’s not a flamin hotel ! Massively rude OP I wouldn’t dream of doing this. She should have asked you first if you’d mind whereby I’m sure you would have let her. There’s some CF around !

Emmz1510 · 31/10/2025 13:44

No yanbu or precious! I’ve stayed in other people’s rooms and would never dream of touching their stuff. Plus, what did she mean by ‘getting her moneys worth?’. That’s incredibly cheeky. I’m assuming they weren’t paying you to stay there? Even if they did contribute something, that’s rude.

PiccadillyPurple · 31/10/2025 13:36

Slightly mixed messages if they were on display in the guest room. I'd have checked before using any of them, but I can understand why your guest didn't.

5128gap · 31/10/2025 13:36

I've always thought the etiquette was that in a designated guest room (as oppose to a multi purpose spare room you give guests to sleep when required) everything placed there is for the use of guests.

ohyesido · 31/10/2025 13:35

You had guests to stay and one of them spent time stealing your perfume?

i would go nuclear that is such liberty

FuzzyWolf · 31/10/2025 13:34

I would assume they were put there because they were perfumes you didn’t like and wanted the bottles to be used by guests, rather than go to waste.

RoseAlone · 31/10/2025 13:33

Ooodelally · 31/10/2025 13:00

Genuinely, she would never step foot in my house again! It’s so incredibly rude to do this! Was she rifling through your bathroom cabinets too? Christ on a bike, she should be shamed to be caught out - not making jokes! No class whatsoever!

Don't be so ridiculous 😂😂

AlphaApple · 31/10/2025 13:32

Is it really a big deal? She used a handful of sprays of perfume. She's your friend. It's not like she raided your knicker drawer or shagged your husband.

RoseAlone · 31/10/2025 13:32

Does a couple of squirts really matter? You're being selfish and stingy.

Nandina · 31/10/2025 13:23

Presumably she thought they were guest toiletries for them to use as they were in the guest room.

ChasbutnotDave · 31/10/2025 13:13

Is this room set up hotel style and it's only use is as a 'guest room'? I've seen on Instagram untouched, immaculate spare rooms ready for overnight guests and kitted out with all you'd expect, and more, from a luxury hotel room. Perfumes included in this room might be seen as a nice extra, but unnecessary, touch.
Is the room a random dumping ground, spare room with no actual day to day use that has a bed in for anyone to sleep in? Again, perfumes in here might be old, forgotten ones that no-one bothers with and fine for spraying a tiny bit to test
If the room was someone's bedroom, filled with their stuff and they've slept elsewhere to let visitors sleep in their bed, obviously that stuff is out of bounds.

It's probably not the best thing to use someone's perfume but if it was only a small squirt and not half the bottle and it wasn't 100% clear if it was there to be used by visitors, then not the end of the world.

MyLimeGuide · 31/10/2025 13:06

The comments about "getting my moneys worth" would have pissed me off!

Whyjustwhy83 · 31/10/2025 13:03

Cheeky to have used I'd have asked but most likely wouldn't have touched. Tbh all that's sticking in my head is they'll start to smell off.I left expensive perfume in the bathroom with sunlight hitting the bottle and it smelled vile after.