Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

why would he want a little brother role to his fathers wife? is that not weird and slightly off putting.

siblings and sibling like relationships would talk to each other, not have a family meeting.

you are blurring the lines, you are his stepmother not his sister. You cannot be his sister or in a sister like capacity you are in relationship with his father. I think your age and possible attempts as sister/ age mate familiarity will be part of the issue.

Young? He could've been 17 or 18 when child was born. So if 18 would make him 5years older thanOP

May I just remind people that the OP has never said that the boy will be kicked out, nor that she wants him to be kicked out. She said she agrees with the punishment of grounding him and not allowing friends over until he apologises. A punishment his parents decided on together by the way.

Yet it’s still her fault according to so many on here.

I said probably, though that would make him a young father at 26 when DS was born.
I would have confronted him in front of his friends, I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

WHERE exactly in my post did you read that it's ok to slag off an older sister exactly?

I am helping you, nowhere!! Literally said the opposite.

My point was that bickering and arguments between siblings are normal, and to stay well out of it, but same is not acceptable with a step-parent, or a parent full stop.

No I don't think he should be thrown out, unless his views continue and get worse in which case I'd send him to his mother's house if it was me.

All female relatives deserve basic respect, he shouldn't be saying that about a big sister either.

Can't see anything in the OP that justifies her being called a whore or such. There's also nothing she could add that would justify her being called out of her name.

How do you work out the dad is 13 years older than her?

talking about the many many posts on this thread who did say that.

So you were 22 when you first met him, is that correct? He probably does think you are with his Dad for money, ask his Dad to put him straight.
The little brother thing is weird, his Dad is probably 13 years older than you, it's a strange way to view the relationship.

I'd assume it's because he's fell down the incel rabbit hole on the internet rather than assuming the op has made the whole thing up.

Would it be ok for the boy to slag off an older sister and call her a whore then?

Surely its basic respect for women

I don't believe I've encouraged the OP to throw him out. Have I?

@GlowingUp is a sweet summer child who thinks we should hang a 16 year old boy out to dry for bad words aimed at the adults who have hurt him.

Be Kind brigade in action.

Hey, Glowing- my brother yelled "cunt" after the man who mugged him- I just wish you'd been around to lecture him on his misogynistic language.

Correct. She could have taken him aside. Told him what she heard. Asked him if he really felt that way because they usually get along so well. She would have been really shocked, wouldn't she?

But, instead, she told her husband and the boys mum who sat him down and punished him.

However - son refuses to apologise and stands by what he has said - Why?

Why would a seemingly, usually nice young man who gets along fine with the OP suddenly not only say awful things about her but when questioned refuse* *to apologise and insist they had spoken the truth (how they see/feel it).

Either there is a lot missing here or this is a made up scenario designed to whip up the usual boy haters.

Im not 100% sure what he’s done to be honest. Is he automatically a misogynist because he has a younger partner? The dad isn’t the one calling women whores and playthings. Nobody has said how old the father is but it’s only in the past 10 years or so that we’ve started saying that people in their early 20s aren’t adults. Despite it being very common 50 years ago or so to be married with a child at 22. And there’s also been increased hysteria about age gaps between adults to the extent that some teenagers now genuinely think it’s disgusting and wrong for a 24 year old and a 21 year old to date. It’s mind boggling.

But from the OP’s posts there isn’t anything that says that the dad is a misogynist. Getting remarried after a divorce is not a crime. Having a stepparent is not the worst thing that can happen to a child. It is absolutely no excuse for the horrible things that this boy has said and refuses to apologise for.

never said it was, there should be consequences and firm threats about using that kind of language, against anyone.

Not that it matters here because it's too far, but if you play the "big sister" you can't complain you are not given the respect due to a step-mum, you can't have it both ways.

The dad should absolutely go nuts about the language, but not a valid excuse to throw him out because he's an inconvenience however.

I doubt she goes around saying "I'm just like a big sister!" to him, I think it was a clunky way of saying she doesn't really get involved with things like discipline and leaves that to the parents which is perfectly reasonable.

That's exactly it. Someone else's child will eventually have to put up with his horribly depraved attitudes.

He's not even sorry. The three adults in his life have sit him down and he's still wrong and strong in his position. Hopefully they'll be able to reach him. Terrifying ☹️.

You’ve taken on someone else’s child full time, in what is also your home, and should not expect to be spoken to or about like that.

There is absolutely no way I’d put up with it, and I’d definitely be expecting an apology for the language he used.

How have people come to the conclusion that the dad must be a misogynist?!

I met my ex when I was 21, he was 26 and had an 8 year old daughter. I hardly think that makes him a definite misogynist

I think a woman who decides to go into a relationship with an older man (fine) BUT insist on playing the "big sister" with the kids because she's so close in age with them is very wrong too. Imagine how cringey in front of the friends.

Neither side are being great here frankly.
It's also BOTH their home, even more the teen's home. Like it or not, but you can't suddenly get rid of a child. Don't have them, or don't go into a relationship with someone who has them if they're a problem. (for the people who casually say to chuck him out as soon as he's 18, it's his home!)

That’s true but I’ll eat my hat if the father is only 35.

Or 5 if he had the child at 18

Even so that still does not give him any right to speak about her like this. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to say that about any female relative regardless of what form their relationship took.