Page 5 | Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

cococream · 2025-10-31T09:27:01+00:00

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 13:14

There was the Adolescence programme which warned of the consequences of teens getting involved in misogyny. But every excuse is trotted out for this boy and everyone else is to blame.

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 13:13

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 13:08

Once again, it isn't ok to say bad things about anyone. However, he was talking privately to his friends and is allowed an opinion even if his choice of words are offensive.

Instead of grounding and involving the ex the op and her dp should calm down and ask the ds why he is so angry. I know some of you obviously don't talk to your kids but when they lash out like this it's the time to start.

He doesn't need 'grounding' he needs a conversation and chance to say how having his sleazy 54 yr old dad living with a 29yr old makes him feel. Not very good it seems .

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I would speak to him, and tell him it is absolutely unacceptable to use that language about that anyone, and he does not speak about women in that tone. Full stop.

They’ve been together what sounds like a while, that’s likely not going to change, and I wouldn’t be putting up with being spoken about like that regardless of his frustrations. He’d be told to get some respect and lose the misogynistic language.

Createausername1970 · 31/10/2025 13:12

Having just watched an EastEnders Story line evolve, I would find this concerning and I would be interested to know what he is watching on line.

Friends with mid-teen sons have mentioned some very unpleasant videos and viewpoints.

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 13:11

ClareBlue · 31/10/2025 13:07

Did you know him as a 9 year old before you formed a relationship with his Dad. That's the critical bit about my post. Of course it's not always the case, but generally if you know a non family 9 year old well it's either because you are very close to one of the parents, childhood friends for example, or you are involved in looking after them. At 22 the OP is unlikely to be a childhood friend of a person with a 9 year old. It's just conjecture, but if it's true it changes the dynamics from how you describe your positive step parents relationship.

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I read that to mean she’d been with the father since the child was 9. She was 22, he was a separated father in his 40s, the child was 9.

All when she met the father and child, not that she knew them before.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 13:10

ClareBlue · 31/10/2025 13:07

Did you know him as a 9 year old before you formed a relationship with his Dad. That's the critical bit about my post. Of course it's not always the case, but generally if you know a non family 9 year old well it's either because you are very close to one of the parents, childhood friends for example, or you are involved in looking after them. At 22 the OP is unlikely to be a childhood friend of a person with a 9 year old. It's just conjecture, but if it's true it changes the dynamics from how you describe your positive step parents relationship.

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Why are you so obsessed with this? And why do you seem to think the OP knew the son before she knew the father? No, not many 22 year olds might know 9 year olds outside their own family but she got to know him once she started a relationship with his father.

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 13:08

BuckChuckets · 31/10/2025 13:00

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

I'd be very concerned about your teen DSS coming out with this incel-type stuff. If he'd been slagging off his dad, calling him a groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth. The fact he's using abusive language about the OP shows he probably has a lot of other worrying views about women.

That's the crux of it really. His language is disturbing. He doesn't need to be happy with the OP and his dad's relationship (although this should've been dealt with by now as they've been together for quite a while), but most children manage to be angry without making such derogatory remarks.

And it's always women who draw the short straw, not his dad who brought the OP into his life.

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 13:08

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 13:02

He’s 16. If he chooses, he can go and live with his mum.

He hasn’t because he presumably doesn’t want to. But that doesn’t give him carte blanch to offend his step mother.

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Once again, it isn't ok to say bad things about anyone. However, he was talking privately to his friends and is allowed an opinion even if his choice of words are offensive.

Instead of grounding and involving the ex the op and her dp should calm down and ask the ds why he is so angry. I know some of you obviously don't talk to your kids but when they lash out like this it's the time to start.

He doesn't need 'grounding' he needs a conversation and chance to say how having his sleazy 54 yr old dad living with a 29yr old makes him feel. Not very good it seems .

ClareBlue · 31/10/2025 13:07

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 12:05

Not necessarily. My partner is 10 years older than me, and had my stepson when we met. I’ve never been his au pair, or nanny, and they’d been divorced for 2 years.

I got on with his ex wife very well. It’s actually within the best interests of the child that everyone gets on and is able to collectively care for the child.

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Did you know him as a 9 year old before you formed a relationship with his Dad. That's the critical bit about my post. Of course it's not always the case, but generally if you know a non family 9 year old well it's either because you are very close to one of the parents, childhood friends for example, or you are involved in looking after them. At 22 the OP is unlikely to be a childhood friend of a person with a 9 year old. It's just conjecture, but if it's true it changes the dynamics from how you describe your positive step parents relationship.

BuckChuckets · 31/10/2025 13:06

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 13:04

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

There's nothing wrong at all

apart from you dismissing someone in their early 20s and believing brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed . You are being ridiculous.

groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth

You are worst than the teen here!

I can't be bothered to have this argument, but it's all evidence-based, I'm not making things up. Feel free to research brain development!

Differentforgirls · 31/10/2025 13:05

Chiseltip · 31/10/2025 11:03

And the rest.

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There is something wrong with you. I have seen you on a few threads now minimising some truly horrendous stuff. I think you need help.

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 13:04

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

There's nothing wrong at all

apart from you dismissing someone in their early 20s and believing brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed . You are being ridiculous.

groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth

You are worst than the teen here!

Chiseltip · 31/10/2025 13:04

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 31/10/2025 11:05

But not all opinions are equally valid. His opinions are misogynistic - no woman (even a stepmum) should be described as a toy for a man to play with!

I suggest telling the school for information purposes only, if there is conflict at home it often over spills into poor behaviour at school and it useful for the school to know about it.

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School is for learning, not parenting.

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 13:02

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 13:01

It isn't her fault no. Insults are not ok but you really have to look at the whole picture here.

Of course the 16yr son is furious with his older dad having a 29 yr old dp while his poor dm lives alone as she has 'less nicer things'. Seriously I can't believe the op can't see what a sea of resentment their set up has caused the ds.

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He’s 16. If he chooses, he can go and live with his mum.

He hasn’t because he presumably doesn’t want to. But that doesn’t give him carte blanch to offend his step mother.

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 13:01

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 12:51

Yes totally her fault and totally understandable that he calls her a Swedish whore.

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It isn't her fault no. Insults are not ok but you really have to look at the whole picture here.

Of course the 16yr son is furious with his older dad having a 29 yr old dp while his poor dm lives alone as she has 'less nicer things'. Seriously I can't believe the op can't see what a sea of resentment their set up has caused the ds.

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 13:01

Balloonhearts · 31/10/2025 12:49

If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language.

Grounding is for minor rudeness. Calling you his Swedish whore is arse smacking, Xbox binning, these friends are never welcome in either house again and wait till I speak to their parents, kind of behaviour.

Disgraceful and he wouldn't be coming back until I got a heartfelt apology and even then I'd view him differently.

Can't believe kids these days have the cheek tbh. If I'd said that at 16, I'd not be laughing, I'd be running and praying to god that it was a jogging bottoms day!

Hopefully you don't have children or grand-children yourself because you are beyond ridiculous, but it's easy to be behind a keyboard.

BuckChuckets · 31/10/2025 13:00

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

I'd be very concerned about your teen DSS coming out with this incel-type stuff. If he'd been slagging off his dad, calling him a groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth. The fact he's using abusive language about the OP shows he probably has a lot of other worrying views about women.

Dweetfidilove · 31/10/2025 13:00

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 12:49

'And the age is 54'

And you're 29? I'm not surprised his ds is full of anger and resentment .

Aaahhh, yes. Tell his parents to cancel the punishment OP.
He's a perfectly justifiable misogynist, as his dad married a young, gold-digging Swedish whore.
Jesus wept!

BunnyLake · 31/10/2025 12:59

Balloonhearts · 31/10/2025 12:49

If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language.

Grounding is for minor rudeness. Calling you his Swedish whore is arse smacking, Xbox binning, these friends are never welcome in either house again and wait till I speak to their parents, kind of behaviour.

Disgraceful and he wouldn't be coming back until I got a heartfelt apology and even then I'd view him differently.

Can't believe kids these days have the cheek tbh. If I'd said that at 16, I'd not be laughing, I'd be running and praying to god that it was a jogging bottoms day!

You can’t tan hides or arse smack unless you want to be arrested. A good talking to by his dad is what he needs.

kittensinthekitchen · 31/10/2025 12:57

Balloonhearts · 31/10/2025 12:49

If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language.

Grounding is for minor rudeness. Calling you his Swedish whore is arse smacking, Xbox binning, these friends are never welcome in either house again and wait till I speak to their parents, kind of behaviour.

Disgraceful and he wouldn't be coming back until I got a heartfelt apology and even then I'd view him differently.

Can't believe kids these days have the cheek tbh. If I'd said that at 16, I'd not be laughing, I'd be running and praying to god that it was a jogging bottoms day!

You would physically assault a 16 year old young man? Really? 😂

BunnyLake · 31/10/2025 12:54

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 12:24

Bet you get a good chunk of money from your ex towards kid or child gets plenty of stuff from daddy

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It’s the law so yes he did but he weaponised it against me and threatened to stop it many times. By 16 he decided to give the money direct to them instead of me. Regardless of any of that my kids would never want to live with their dad even though he lives a much more ‘bougie’ life than me.

Not sure what your point is or why you said daddy? My youngest refers to him by his name (not to his face) but doesn’t not even refer to him as dad.

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 12:52

'If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language'

No you wouldn't 'tan his backside'. You'd sit him down and ask him why he feels such disrespect surely?

Not nice to call anyone names but that is all a red herring here. A 54 yr old hooks up with a 29yr old and the 16yr old son is angry and mixed up so lashes out, quelle surprise.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 12:51

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 12:49

'And the age is 54'

And you're 29? I'm not surprised his ds is full of anger and resentment .

Yes totally her fault and totally understandable that he calls her a Swedish whore.

harriethoyle · 31/10/2025 12:50

Cross post @cococream - thanks for clarifying. SURELY you can see why that’s relevant to your DSSs attitude…

Gloriia · 31/10/2025 12:49

'And the age is 54'

And you're 29? I'm not surprised his ds is full of anger and resentment .

Balloonhearts · 31/10/2025 12:49

If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language.

Grounding is for minor rudeness. Calling you his Swedish whore is arse smacking, Xbox binning, these friends are never welcome in either house again and wait till I speak to their parents, kind of behaviour.

Disgraceful and he wouldn't be coming back until I got a heartfelt apology and even then I'd view him differently.

Can't believe kids these days have the cheek tbh. If I'd said that at 16, I'd not be laughing, I'd be running and praying to god that it was a jogging bottoms day!