Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

So his dad paid his mum off to be able to get his son full time? Fucking hell. No wonder he thinks every woman just values money, his mother valued money more than him.

I can't begin to get my head around how fucked up this all is.

It doesn’t ’justify’ it. It role models it.

I can't be bothered to have this argument, but it's all evidence-based, I'm not making things up. Feel free to research brain development!

It isn't her fault no. Insults are not ok but you really have to look at the whole picture here.

Of course the 16yr son is furious with his older dad having a 29 yr old dp while his poor dm lives alone as she has 'less nicer things'. Seriously I can't believe the op can't see what a sea of resentment their set up has caused the ds.

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

I'd be very concerned about your teen DSS coming out with this incel-type stuff. If he'd been slagging off his dad, calling him a groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth. The fact he's using abusive language about the OP shows he probably has a lot of other worrying views about women.

I don't need help, and I'm not minimising anything. I just don't buy into needless drama.

But thanks for your concern.

How does a man in his 40s, dating a woman in his 20s justify misogyny?

I think she just explained the facts around why he lives where he does, and why his parents made that decision. Which she didn’t have to do.

How is a woman who’s just been called a Swedish whore the bad guy here.

'And the age is 54'

And you're 29? I'm not surprised his ds is full of anger and resentment .

He’s 16. If he chooses, he can go and live with his mum.

He hasn’t because he presumably doesn’t want to. But that doesn’t give him carte blanch to offend his step mother.

I didn't say she must have been the Nanny. But it's the most likely situation by far. It is most likely that she was involved with the family as per the reasons in my post. She knew the son at 9 which was years before she started a relationship with his Dad. How many 22 year olds know a 9 year old well that isn't a family member or a child of a close friend or who they had caring responsibilities for. There is a small chance that a 22 year old from a different country is a close friend of someone in another country who has a 9 year old or who meets a random man with a 9 year old and becomes friends with him and his wife to a stage to get invited to family events a d then the son calls her a gold digger. You think that is the most plausible explanation.

Yes but shes clearly not acting like a step parent neither, treating him like a little brother. Youve confused dont need to rock up & lay the law as a second mum but do need to have boundaries whoch clearly hasnt been excuted here.

I didn't say she must have been the Nanny. But it's the most likely situation by far. It is most likely that she was involved with the family as per the reasons in my post. She knew the son at 9 which was years before she started a relationship with his Dad. How many 22 year olds know a 9 year old well that isn't a family member or a child of a close friend or who they had caring responsibilities for. There is a small chance that a 22 year old from a different country is a close friend of someone in another country who has a 9 year old or who meets a random man with a 9 year old and becomes friends with him and his wife to a stage to get invited to family events a d then the son calls her a gold digger. You think that is the most plausible explanation.

I can't be bothered to have this argument, but it's all evidence-based, I'm not making things up. Feel free to research brain development!

No kidding. There’s little point in having the father talk to him when the father is likely where he’s gotten his misogynistic views from, given the circumstances.

As a society, it is worth looking at the roots of why children behave in the way they do. This surely gives an insight in to how to help people behave better. What the child said is utterly abhorrent. But he didn’t say it from nowhere. His father when 49 started dating a 22 year old woman. That is bound to have shaped how he is today.

But it ‘should’ revolve around it, because the age gap has shaped how his son will think.

Why must she have been the family nanny? I took it to mean that she was 22 when she got to know her DSS, ie when she started the relationship with the dad. Why have you invented from the facts that she must have known the child in the capacity as a nanny/au pair before the relationship with the father started?

And why must she have been the nanny to now be friends with the mum? Theres absolutely no reason why she couldn’t be friendly with her husbands ex if she wasn’t a previous employee. In fact I’d think it was less likely that they’d be friends if the OP was previously employed to look after the child.

There is something wrong with you. I have seen you on a few threads now minimising some truly horrendous stuff. I think you need help.

As a society, it is worth looking at the roots of why children behave in the way they do. This surely gives an insight in to how to help people behave better. What the child said is utterly abhorrent. But he didn’t say it from nowhere. His father when 49 started dating a 22 year old woman. That is bound to have shaped how he is today.

?
I didn't have a dig at anyone, I was asked why the son lives with his dad full-time and explained how that arrangement came to be + clarified when I first met my husband. And the age is 54, the reason why I didn't answer the age question is because I didn't want the whole thread to revolve around age gaps (how it tends to happen online when one is mentioned).

Aaahhh, yes. Tell his parents to cancel the punishment OP.
He's a perfectly justifiable misogynist, as his dad married a young, gold-digging Swedish whore.
Jesus wept!