Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

No she doesn’t. She says she has known him since he was 9. She also says that his parents were separated for a year before she met and started a relationship with the boys father. Anyone with reasonable intelligence would understand that to mean that she met the boy once she had started a relationship with the dad. Not some weird shit about how she must have been the nanny (because she’s Swedish - how insulting) and that her current good relationship with the boy’s mother can only be because the OP used to be the family nanny (which makes no sense whatsoever).

I’m not sure how old you are @Glowingupbut I have been 49. I can assure you there is nothing decent in a 49 year old dating a 22 year old.

At 16, he knows better. I echo the Andrew Tate nonsense, sounds like he’s been watching/indoctrinated by some misogynistic bollocks. I’d be horrified at the toy/whore comment. I don’t know how the OP is supposed to get over that, it’s incredibly insulting. Dad needs serious chats with his ds and ds needs a very serious sanction from both parents.

So how old was the son when she started a relationship with the dad. I've missed that somehow

Sooo just so we’re clear.

• Man and woman separate
• Woman gives up full custody of her son (for various reasons)
• 2nd woman starts relationship with said man a year after his separation
• 2nd woman is somehow in the wrong.

Never ceases to amaze me how it’s always the stepmother’s fault 😂

I'm not obsessed. I'm responding to the posts that distort what I wrote and she almost certainly did. He was 47 when she knew his son as a 9 year old. She says that. Not when she started a relationship with the dad.

After 7 years shes hardly " new"

I didn't see my step parents as replacements more additions

CZJ has spent many of her best years in a caring role even with millions to support her role.
It wouldn't be a relationship I'd envy.
A 48 year old man dating a 22 year old woman is probably a dream for a lot of men, not really the norm, unless he is financially secure.

Agreed.

I was 8 with my stepmum (and that was an affair) and 11 with my stepdad.

Still don’t think either of them are replacements.

I was younger than this boy when my stepfather came into the picture. I have never considered him a replacement for my father.

That's the language of angry adults.

You seem to think that it’s impossible for the DH to know anything about respecting women because he has a younger wife? Okay then.

I was just pointing out that some very happy marriages have large age gaps. I also believe that CZJ and her stepson are very close and both have spoken very admiringly about the other. Which is great. I think it’s awful that we have some weird societal expectation that children must hate their stepparents.

Maybe his mother, being a sensible and responsible parent, made the decision that he'd be better off with his dad. His equal parent. Perfectly legitimate decision.

She's very present and engaged in an amicable relationship with her ex and his new wife. So present, she was right there when her support was needed, to address her son's worrying behaviour.

It doesn't matter how pp's feel about the age gap, it's a problem for DS for some reason, perhaps it's the sisterly relationship with OP needs to change, who wants old Dad in his eye's having sex with someone who acts like his sister, it's a bit weird. DF/DH could play a fatherly role too towards OP/DS.
Maybe his friends were jeering him and he got defensive about the relationship.
He needs someone to talk too.

DC’s point of view is absolutely unfounded and incorrect.

Which by 16, he either should have learned or been informed.

Ah so because some random celebs have got a massive age gap then it's all lovely? Youve no idea what his dc thought.

Anywayyy the op's 54 yr old dp needs to talk to his son about inappropriate language and how to treat women with respect, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that.

The only solution though is for him to get over himself and accept it. There are kids who hate that their parent has a same sex partner, or an older one, or a disabled one or someone of a different race. As long as the new partner doesn’t treat the child badly in any way, I’d expect someone by 16 to accept the situation and treat them with respect. You don’t have the right to dictate your parents’ love life and we shouldn’t try to normalise this idea.

Yes but kids see new dps as replacements. People have got to lose the defensiveness and try to see it from the dc's point of view.

Age gap relationships cause young boys to speak about women in deeply abhorrent terms. Good to know ✅️.

No one supports misogyny. No-one supports insults. Shall we keep repeating ourselves?

The point is when a 16yr old behaves badly we need to ask why and having a 54yr old dad hooked up with a 29yr old clearly has caused resentment and issues.

So, rather than fume and 'ground' a conversation needs to be had. Starting with 'you do not call her or anyone a whore' but then moving onto how this setup is affecting him.

I am not somebody’s replacement. Neither is OP.

I did not replace my partners ex wife, and he hasn’t replaced my ex husband. Mainly because if he was just a replacement for my ex, he’d be in the bin where he’d belong.

It’s the same age gap as Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, who have been married 25 years now. Although CZJ was 28 when they met so maybe her brain had just about fully formed. Hopefully Michael’s son from his previous marriage didn’t refer to her as a whore.

He should yes but kids tend to attack the replacement not the parent, it isn't right or fair but it is common.

He clearly has issues I agree but he's been grounded so that'll help. Not.

It’s so backwards.

I have a friend who has a child from a previous relationship and their son lives with the dad full time. The negative comments she gets are wild. Yet we know in the reverse instance nobody would criticise a father for not having his son full time.

No I don’t get the point of the misogyny and the people supporting it because they thought of a second younger wife triggers them.

It does not matter if he was talking to his friends. Misogyny does not become “ok” if you think you are only speaking to like minded misogynists. His disgusting attitudes towards women as demonstrated by his treatment of his step-mom need to be nipped in the bud.

Why is it so fucked up that the son lives with his dad? People are so wedded to stereotypes aren’t they? If a child lives with their father there must be something deeply wrong as children “should” live with their mum. And yes it’s a large age gap but it’s a lasting relationship as they have been together a long time. What is so fucked up besides the age gap here?