Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

Wise up love! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If this shocks you, I really really hope you never hear them talking about female teachers they don't like.....

Horrible, but it's a phase... For most of them anyway.

I can do better than that.

I’ve been a teenager, whose parents separated when I was 8, because my father had an affair with a much younger woman and left for her. And moved in with her and her family, leaving his own children behind.

He’s a dick because he had an affair, not because of her age. I don’t recall ever giving a shit how old she was. Doesn’t make a single iota of difference.

You absolutely can be rational as a child from a divorced and reblended family.

It’s important to remember OP met her husband a year after their separation. So “learning he was shacking up with a student” isn’t a thing, because there’s apparently no affair or leaving for anyone else.

You really don’t understand why a 16 year old boy would have difficulty with his 54 year old dad dating a 29 year old woman?

No I don't think it's ok, but I often heard my son call his stepmother that. It's what young lads do with their pals whether women agree or not.

It put me in a very awkward position as she was a homewrecker, so I did actually agree. Any woman who knowingly takes a married man with children away from a wife and family is not a nice person to put it VERY mildly indeed...

Have you met a teenager? A teenager whose parents split when he was 9? And who is now starting to realise his ancient dad was shacking up with a student?

I don't get the comments here. You can't apply rational thinking to an irrational situation, which for a 16 year old, this is.

So there is 25 years between the OP and the step dad, and 13 years between the OP and the step son. And she has a 'cool' big sister type relationship with him. I can understand why he's embarrassed about the situation and why he has responded badly to his friends likely teasing him about it. Doesn't make it right - but I think support and therapy for the boy is more in order than punishment or kicking him out.

At 16, he could vote with his feet. Dad set mom up 7 years ago and the boy knows where to find her.
Instead of disappearing down a hole of hateful behaviour, he could go and live with his mother.
We read about teenagers choosing one parent or the other all the time.

'I’ll add the caveat that seems to be required on this thread, (despite no one saying anything of the sort), of course the sons misogyny is utterly appalling'

Yes I wonder where he gets it from, to treat women as objects and with such disrespect? It's a mystery.

This is CRAZY. So because dad has more money, he gets to have the child???? Money doesn’t mean a better parent. It’s obvious he doesn’t like you by what you overheard, yet he has to put up with his life with you and his dad because dad has more money

I don’t think that’s their worry, of the ones I know. They are just embarrassed.

He didn’t leave his family for her. He’d already left.

I’d hope that after 7 years, most would just be happy that she’s not an evil stepmother and that their father is happy.

If they’re happy, and their family/household is working well, I think being upset because of someone’s age is a fairly dramatic take tbh.

@SleeplessInWherever
the 16 year olds I know (a few) who’s fathers have left the family to date someone 30 years younger who could be their sister are very very unhappy about it. Maybe the few I know aren’t representative, I don’t know.

I’ll add the caveat that seems to be required on this thread, (despite no one saying anything of the sort), of course the sons misogyny is utterly appalling.

You'd physically assault a 16yr old? I don't think that would help.

So if you overheard a conversation that included "whore" and your name coming out of the mouth of your teenage stepson you wouldn't stop and listen? I call bullshit.

Kids lash out and say shit stuff? He's 16, closer to man than child, and he's an offensive little gobshite. If I'd ever called a woman in my family a whore, I'd have fully expected to have my arse handed to me. And I'd have deserved it!

Actually you can. Smacking is legal in England. And if my son came out with that, better believe I would. Not that he would because he was raised to know better.

16yr olds often talk crap. Yes his insulting language is unpleasant but 'grounding' him is ridiculous.

Kids lash out and say shit stuff. It's not new news. What the df should do is talk to him, tell him to treat women with respect (that might be a hard sell tbf) and see why he is so angry.

Also, don't eavesdrop.

This forum is bonkers sometimes.

There is a 16 year old boy spouting Andrew Tate based crap and but the whole focus of the thread is the age gap between his dad and step-mum.

Whilst I can accept he might not like that age gap, or feel the step mum might be to blame for his parents separation, it in no way minimises the language or the sentiment behind that language.

Have you all eaten too many Halloween sweets and having sugar highs?

More upset about who his grown up father chose to be with?

If they’re happy, and their family/household is working well, I think being upset because of someone’s age is a fairly dramatic take tbh.

A 47 year old and a 22 year old got together, even worse. He might have been ok with it when he was a little boy, as he gets older and can work things out, I'm not surprised he's got more upset about it.

PS NOT EXCUSING THE LANGUAGE! Just can understand why he'd be upset.

Oh come on! Him and his mates were calling OP a “Swedish wh*re,” “only good at being Dad’s toy,” etc. In OP's house. When they knew full well there was a good chance OP would hear. And then the little brat doubles down and refuses to apologise.

OP is a better person than me because I would've gone full nuclear and kicked them all out. They wouldn't be setting foot in my house ever again.

This is spot on… he’s never said it to your face so why make such a big deal out of it? People say different things behind each others back and you weren’t supposed to listening so why did you?!

I specifically said it was not because she was Swedish. I give up.

There is literally no reason to think she’s a family nanny who had an affair with her married employer and then ran off with him. None.

It’s a wonderful story, but it’s not evidenced.

As if she’d have a good relationship with the mother if she’d been an employee who had an affair with her husband. Completely implausible.

More likely (and accurate) that she met a man, who was older than her, married him and stayed with him. It happens.

There are a lot of problems here. This is a frightening attitude for him to have towards women and points to an Andre Tate mindset. Is his dad doing any actual parenting beyond providing an expensive lifestyle? What is the dad's attitude to women given he started a relationship with someone 25 years younger than himself?

Where did I say she was in the wrong. No where. Why not read what I posted not what you think I said. I said that it is probable that she was involved in the family before and gave reasons for thinking that. I then said if that was the case then the dynamics between her and the son would be different. That's all I have said. All the other posts were clarifying where my posts were misrepresented. Like you have done.