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Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

312 replies

cococream · 31/10/2025 09:27

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

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TheZanyZebra · 03/11/2025 11:58

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if you need to start insulting posters, it only means you have no arguments and can't find a decent idea to defend your point.😂

anterenea · 03/11/2025 11:19

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Glowingup · 01/11/2025 22:10

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Edited

You don’t have to listen but I’m pleased to live in a bubble where it’s not normal for men to talk about women the way your son does.

SleeplessInWherever · 01/11/2025 21:56

CandidRobin · 01/11/2025 20:55

Burn him at the stake!

He is perfectly nice to her in person. He is entitled to have his own opinion. We can't police other people's thoughts. A negative view of another person doesn't equate to a major personality defect in the person expressing the opinion. Sometimes words are just words. They don't mean the person hates all women or is a danger to women.

Calling someone a “Swedish whore” or a “toy” is not just words.

It’s dehumanising misogyny, and claiming it’s just words excuses it.

CandidRobin · 01/11/2025 20:55

Burn him at the stake!

He is perfectly nice to her in person. He is entitled to have his own opinion. We can't police other people's thoughts. A negative view of another person doesn't equate to a major personality defect in the person expressing the opinion. Sometimes words are just words. They don't mean the person hates all women or is a danger to women.

Gloriia · 01/11/2025 13:33

'Any young guy who does this is a "wrongun" and has to be taught manners, respect and appropriate behaviour'

Exactly. Blame the sleazy dad's 'parenting', which is what most of us have done. He needs to set a better example and also talk to his ds about appropriate language.

oldtiredcyclist · 01/11/2025 12:33

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Edited

I am from a working class background and when I was at school in the seventies, it wouldn't have been acceptable for any boy to refer to a girl/woman as a "whore". Any young guy who does this is a "wrongun" and has to be taught manners, respect and appropriate behaviour.

Dweetfidilove · 01/11/2025 03:49

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:23

No I don't think it's ok, but I often heard my son call his stepmother that. It's what young lads do with their pals whether women agree or not.

It put me in a very awkward position as she was a homewrecker, so I did actually agree. Any woman who knowingly takes a married man with children away from a wife and family is not a nice person to put it VERY mildly indeed...

Edited

How incredibly sad☹️

Katflapkit · 01/11/2025 00:00

Wishitsnows · 31/10/2025 09:45

You were eavesdropping and he is allowed to speak to his friends about things that bother him and allowed an opinion surely.

Are you serious? He called her a whore

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 22:06

Your replies give me a sense of the sort of person you are and the sorts of people you surround yourself with and yes I can believe that the teens in your life call women whores. Thankfully my world, call it middle class or whatever, is a lot more pleasant and the vast majority of them don’t. I get the train with the boys from the local all boys selective school and they don’t talk like that. At all.

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 23:17

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:43

I’m sure he treats his mother just as shitty. He actually sounds like a spoiled shitty teenager. Aren’t they all.

No

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:48

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 22:38

His home is with his father.

I’m sure he sees his mother eow unless I missed something

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:43

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 18:18

If they’re happy, and their family/household is working well, I think being upset because of someone’s age is a fairly dramatic take tbh.

@SleeplessInWherever
the 16 year olds I know (a few) who’s fathers have left the family to date someone 30 years younger who could be their sister are very very unhappy about it. Maybe the few I know aren’t representative, I don’t know.

I’ll add the caveat that seems to be required on this thread, (despite no one saying anything of the sort), of course the sons misogyny is utterly appalling.

I’m sure he treats his mother just as shitty. He actually sounds like a spoiled shitty teenager. Aren’t they all.

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 22:38

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:32

Then he should move back home with his mother then, right?

His home is with his father.

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 22:34

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 21:59

So you expext a child to change their mind from the age of 9 to16?

It sounds like he’s quite recently changed his mind tbh, sounds like it was all quite civil until recently.

Regardless of what his opinion of his father’s marriage is, he had absolutely no right talking about her in that way. None.

Just because some “working class” (as someone put it earlier) use disgusting language about women, doesn’t mean they should.

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:32

namechangetheworld · 31/10/2025 22:16

He's probably mortified that his Dad married someone young enough to be his daughter and is trying to save face in front of his mates.

Then he should move back home with his mother then, right?

namechangetheworld · 31/10/2025 22:16

He's probably mortified that his Dad married someone young enough to be his daughter and is trying to save face in front of his mates.

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 22:06

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 22:00

Bring back the laughing face for naive people like you. 🙄

I'm off.

Your replies give me a sense of the sort of person you are and the sorts of people you surround yourself with and yes I can believe that the teens in your life call women whores. Thankfully my world, call it middle class or whatever, is a lot more pleasant and the vast majority of them don’t. I get the train with the boys from the local all boys selective school and they don’t talk like that. At all.

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 22:04

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:54

This is a very silly reply indeed.
You're the mum not the stepmum, so of course he wouldn't say it about you. 🙄

Another middle class woman who has NO idea at all how young working class men talk to their pals about women they don't like or respect...

Edited

Pretty sure calling women whores is a classless trait

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 22:00

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:54

This is a very silly reply indeed.
You're the mum not the stepmum, so of course he wouldn't say it about you. 🙄

Another middle class woman who has NO idea at all how young working class men talk to their pals about women they don't like or respect...

Edited

Right but they all like and respect their mums do they?

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 22:00

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 21:57

Again really not all teens

Bring back the laughing face for naive people like you. 🙄

I'm off.

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 21:59

SleeplessInWherever · 31/10/2025 18:45

He didn’t leave his family for her. He’d already left.

I’d hope that after 7 years, most would just be happy that she’s not an evil stepmother and that their father is happy.

So you expext a child to change their mind from the age of 9 to16?

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 21:57

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:35

Wise up love! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If this shocks you, I really really hope you never hear them talking about female teachers they don't like.....

Horrible, but it's a phase... For most of them anyway.

Edited

Again really not all teens

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:54

Dramatic · 31/10/2025 10:12

If I heard one of my kids referring to me as a whore I would be absolutely furious. That is in no way normal, what planet are you living on?

This is a very silly reply indeed.
You're the mum not the stepmum, so of course he wouldn't say it about you. 🙄

Another middle class woman who has NO idea at all how young working class men talk to their pals about women they don't like or respect...

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 21:43

Agix · 31/10/2025 09:30

He thinks he's speaking the truth. He think you ruined his father's marriage to his mother. If he believes that, he's not going to be alright with you. Have you sat him down and corrected him on these things?

The father needs to tell his son the actual facts not the step mother. After I made sure that the father told the real truth to the little shit, I’d ignore him. I wouldn’t look at him or talk to him but I wouldn’t kick him out. That proves his point in his mind. He’ll figure it out eventually. Kids believe what they believe until they grow up and boys are harder than girls with this kind of thing. Good luck, chin up and all that. This too shall pass as another lesson in life.