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Original poster

Do you feel you’ve wasted your time on threads where the OP never updates?

65 replies

Toydrum · 31/10/2025 08:59

Isn’t it a waste of time and energy? It’s a shame really because I see some really considerate and caring replies.

At what point do you give up on a thread?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 10:33

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 10:31

Yes! Thank you! It seems silly now but I wondered what on earth could have happened to make it go poof! I never seem to find anything with the search and no idea why it's not in my history. Thanks.

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Glad you found the thread!

OP posts:
EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 10:31

RunningByTheRiver · 31/10/2025 10:20

@EveryMeandEveryYou

Is it this thread?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5435430-christmas-presents-that-you-actually-loved-to-receive?page=1

Yes! Thank you! It seems silly now but I wondered what on earth could have happened to make it go poof! I never seem to find anything with the search and no idea why it's not in my history. Thanks.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 10:29

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 31/10/2025 10:25

This!

It’s absolutely ridiculous how over invested and entitled some posters are expecting the OP to come back and respond/update. It doesn’t matter if OP is real, AI or on a windup, is it your choice to spend your time responding, nobody is putting a gun to your head.

The responses mostly are never a waste of time, they’ll always be other posters reading that the advice will help but some posters need to get a bloody grip and stop responding if it it is causing them this much grief.

Show quote history

Whoa, that’s very aggressive! Anything you want to share?

I promise I’ll ignore your thread.

OP posts:
Cornflakegirl7 · 31/10/2025 10:29

Sometimes OP may read and take heed of responses,even if they don't return.

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 31/10/2025 10:25

Leaveittogod · 31/10/2025 09:01

I didn’t realise people got that invested? If your at the point where something like this is affecting your life that much then MN probably isn’t for you

This!

It’s absolutely ridiculous how over invested and entitled some posters are expecting the OP to come back and respond/update. It doesn’t matter if OP is real, AI or on a windup, is it your choice to spend your time responding, nobody is putting a gun to your head.

The responses mostly are never a waste of time, they’ll always be other posters reading that the advice will help but some posters need to get a bloody grip and stop responding if it it is causing them this much grief.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 10:23

latetothefisting · 31/10/2025 10:17

Not when the op is more of a starting point and the thread can then continue with everyone else.

I do find it really rude when the OP is specifically asking for advice - not just a general relationship LTB but "what's the best way of investing this money" "does anyone have experience of this particular school/household item/area" etc - people provide really helpful, sometimes often detailed replies and the Op can't even be arsed to pop back on and say "thanks."

Yes, it doesn’t hurt to be polite/appreciative.

OP posts:
ImFineItsAllFine · 31/10/2025 10:21

Another way to look at it is that even if the OP doesn't come back and read your reply, it might end up really helping someone else who reads it. All the best advice I've seen on MN has come from reading other people's threads, not the ones I've started!

99victoria · 31/10/2025 10:20

When I click on a thread I always check to see if the OP has more than one post. If they don't I don't read the thread

Makemineacosmo · 31/10/2025 10:19

Not really. Often it opens up interesting discussion. No one is under any obligation to return to a thread, particularly if they're having a hard time. Some replies on here can be very kind and helpful, others just vitriolic and unkind.

latetothefisting · 31/10/2025 10:17

Not when the op is more of a starting point and the thread can then continue with everyone else.

I do find it really rude when the OP is specifically asking for advice - not just a general relationship LTB but "what's the best way of investing this money" "does anyone have experience of this particular school/household item/area" etc - people provide really helpful, sometimes often detailed replies and the Op can't even be arsed to pop back on and say "thanks."

RunningByTheRiver · 31/10/2025 10:12

nomas · 31/10/2025 09:35

OP didn't say that OPs must return to their thread.

She is talking about her leaving a thread because of the lack of engagement from the OP, which is perfectly valid.

If you hang around on a thread waiting for the OP, then I suggest you're the one who is over-invested. Leaving a thread is perfectly fine.

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Her title implies that she feel put out if the OP doesn’t come back and keep others updated, as she asks if you feel like you’ve wasted your time. I’d say that is being too invested.

No I don’t feel like I have wasted my time. If I didn’t have time, I wouldn’t respond. I don’t reply expecting anything back. My expectations of random people online, who could well be trolls or be busy, are zero.

Bagsintheboot · 31/10/2025 10:10

MN isn't a soap opera. Posters don't owe anyone the next installment, and on the other hand they're not owed replies from other posters either.

If you have a desperate need for closure then I'd say find a good TV series. If you are only giving advice because you want gratitude, I'd say you're probably being a bit silly.

By all means post on threads and give answers and help. But always be aware you may not get anything out of it. If you're getting emotionally involved and attached to threads on the internet, which may be total bollocks, then more fool you.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 10:07

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 10:04

@Toydrum I think it is long gone now for some reason, but yes if I think I'll be wanting to keep up dated I have done that before. Just weird how that one has gone completely from my posting history as I was watching it because I had commented today.

I wonder if the OP asked for it to be removed then Every? Maybe they regretted posting or felt there was identifiable information?

OP posts:
EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 10:04

@Toydrum I think it is long gone now for some reason, but yes if I think I'll be wanting to keep up dated I have done that before. Just weird how that one has gone completely from my posting history as I was watching it because I had commented today.

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/10/2025 09:58

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 09:13

Something I do find annoying which I have literally just done, is when I can't find a thread I have commented on. So, I have just seen a thread about using titanium chopping boards, which I assume is an ad posted for sales (more annoying than the no show ones I feel), with loads saying just use wood, more hygenic, less knife blunting etc. I then thought of a thread asking which Christmas gifts you actually enjoy getting. I wanted to go back and post on that that a wooden chopping board is an idea as I love the thick real wood ones you can often get at fetes or on holiday but always forget to get them for myself. That thread has disappeared completely from my history! How and why? Hardly going to be a bunfight on that one, surely?

Are you attempting to recreate your missing threads here?

You're being way too specific for this thread.

Pices · 31/10/2025 09:58

No. You’re giving advice based on a wildly biased snippet of a situation. The OP can then think about it and see if it’s relevant but they don’t owe an explanation or action. Those giving advice often get quite aggressive and absolutely hammer the OP into doing the ‘right’ thing. It’s all slightly absurd. I think people need to more see posts as conversation starters. Most of the meaningful engagement comes between those commenting not the OP.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 09:57

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 31/10/2025 09:56

I probably do get a bit invested, but don’t worry if the OP doesn’t come back. Sometimes you can help someone, sometimes nothing comes of it. If you’re going to be bothered if OP doesn’t vime
back then it’s probably better not to post. I stick around for those threads where someone is genuinely helped and supported. It’s a bit of positive in a world full of negatives.

I think this is the best attitude tbh.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 31/10/2025 09:56

I probably do get a bit invested, but don’t worry if the OP doesn’t come back. Sometimes you can help someone, sometimes nothing comes of it. If you’re going to be bothered if OP doesn’t vime
back then it’s probably better not to post. I stick around for those threads where someone is genuinely helped and supported. It’s a bit of positive in a world full of negatives.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 09:53

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/10/2025 09:27

Meh… its not Eastenders and you’re not entitled to constant updates.

I actually find it really annoying when people get ridiculously over invested and keep coming back to say: “Any news OP?”.

Particularly on the threads which involve suspected infidelity. There’s something a bit creepy to my mind about the people who are so involved in the breakdown of an anonymous person’s marriage that they can’t tear themselves away.

Threads have general value because they raise interesting moral and philosophical questions and issues. Take them as they come.

Yes, I take this on board too.

OP posts:
nomas · 31/10/2025 09:52

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 09:13

Something I do find annoying which I have literally just done, is when I can't find a thread I have commented on. So, I have just seen a thread about using titanium chopping boards, which I assume is an ad posted for sales (more annoying than the no show ones I feel), with loads saying just use wood, more hygenic, less knife blunting etc. I then thought of a thread asking which Christmas gifts you actually enjoy getting. I wanted to go back and post on that that a wooden chopping board is an idea as I love the thick real wood ones you can often get at fetes or on holiday but always forget to get them for myself. That thread has disappeared completely from my history! How and why? Hardly going to be a bunfight on that one, surely?

You can save individual posts. Click 3 dots and then 'Save'.

Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 09:50

ImFineItsAllFine · 31/10/2025 09:43

I agree with this - it bothers me when the post is about something really shit and then after about 3 hours people start piling on demanding updates. The OP is probably busy dealing with the shit situation!

Show quote history

Yes, there is that too, I can accept that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toydrum · 31/10/2025 09:49

BogRollBOGOF · 31/10/2025 09:23

Sometimes when OPs don't engage/ continue, the thread may be of use to other people in similar situations.

If it's something more niche or lengthy, I'll check "see all OP's" posts to see how the thread progressed.

There was one this morning asking about older sibling looking after younger siblings that was started a few days ago and lacked useful information like how long for. No point in engaging when half the information is missing.

Sometimes just by posting, it helps sort people's thoughts and the replies may not be the essential part (to the OP)

It's up to people responding what they can invest in the thread.

I do agree with this, if anything can help anyone it’s a bonus. I think I’m looking for optimism and if not a good ending, then, at least, the OP has come to an understanding of how best to proceed in the most positive way for themselves.

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 31/10/2025 09:45

EveryMeandEveryYou · 31/10/2025 09:32

https://www.kentonline.co.uk/ashford/news/spiked-reform-councillor-when-i-collapsed-the-bedroom-doo-329693/#:~:text=A%20visit%20to%20his%20GP,take%20control%20of%20your%20body.%22
@Toydrum this is the guy I thought of with the other thread

You said in your previous comment that his friends spiked him. Thats not what it says in the article. He says he couldn't rule out that it was someone known to him but he doesnt know. Someone known to him could literally be anyone. He had stayed on after his friends left to chat to some local people. He also acknowledges that a woman being spiked and possibly being sexually assaulted is much worse than that happened to him. He is working to raise awareness. Did you even read the article?

ImFineItsAllFine · 31/10/2025 09:43

Changename12 · 31/10/2025 09:34

If someone asks for advice because they are in a difficult situation they should not feel beholden to update. Probably shit is going on in their lives.

I agree with this - it bothers me when the post is about something really shit and then after about 3 hours people start piling on demanding updates. The OP is probably busy dealing with the shit situation!