To be constantly thinking/worried about money? How do I stop?

I made a similar thread to yours op not very long ago. I was in a very similar scenario- went through a horrible divorce that terrified me. Ex dh tried everything possible to screw me (I was a sahm to three young children, he was a high earner in the family business). Until it got sorted in court I had no idea what he was going to do or how I’d cope if he won. I was so afraid and felt so vulnerable.

things are okay now, I’m in a good secure job that I’m working towards a big promotion in, have good qualifications, own my house and have a little bit of savings. I don’t feel particularly well off or anything but intellectually I know it’s “okay”.

I have exactly the same as you - check my bank balance twice a day most days, always thinking about money, working out how much I have left per day, what expenses are coming up etc etc. To be honest it’s absolutely exhausting but I don’t know how to stop it.

Give it a go. I have a silly, large amount in my current account for similar reasons to you. It means I never have to check my current account at all because I know it'll always be alright. There's a lot to be said for peace of mind.

I grew up on the breadline so even now in a reasonably secure job and with no real worries about paying the bills I worry about money.

What helps is to sit down, create a really detailed budget and gain control over what is going on. If you understand exactly what goes in and comes out, and are able to look at your finances and go "yes, that's fine", that really does empower you to stop worrying about it. For the most part, at least.

Same here OP. My parents went through tough times with redundancy and it was stressful so I always worked hard at school / uni / professional exams to get a high paying job. We both earn highly but with mortgage and private school fees (Sen child) and nursery we have high outgoings currently and struggle to balance the books at the end of the month. We save a lot though (direct debit goes to savings when we get paid) and I’m struggling to change my mindset that this is just an expensive time which will get easier when nursery is over and my younger child heads to state school.

You’ve motivated me to take some money out of savings this morning though and let us all breathe a bit instead. I have to get used to living a bit now rather than just saving for the future.

It sounds like you're particularly focused on your current account and whether you will have enough to cope with all possible expenses that might flow through that account.

Is there an amount you could have in your current account at all times which would stop you from worrying? If you had a minimum of £3k there all the time would that help? Or £5k? You've got £60k in long-term savings so why don't you just transfer some into your current account as a buffer. It might help you relax a bit.

I feel like this too and It’s definitely due to past experiences of poverty.

I worry about losing my job daily and never getting another one. I worry about spending anything at all “just in case”.

I really could do with some new bras but I can’t bring myself to part with the £100. Th strange thing is though is that I’ll happily spend it on other people

I keep an eye on my money, but not like yourself I think it’s probably because it’s all down to you with no one else to share the load. DH and I have worked out how much our income goes down when one of us drops dead and obviously it will go down quite a bit. I have single friends and they all feel far more pressured.

If all bills and food are covered then I would just question the amount in your current account earning you nothing in interest I assume.

I have had spells in my life when I had very little and I found myself in the position you are OP. I'm in my sixties now and still very frugal when I probably don't have to be so much.

I quietened down the thoughts in my head by having an accounts time of the day. I set a 20 minute period right after I got in from my day to sit, do the accounts and then put everything aside. Just allowing myself some time to sit and concentrate on it and then get up and get on with making dinner gave me peace of mind. I weaned myself off the every day session and only do my 20 minutes once or twice a week now.

Another thing I did was put some of my savings into premium bonds. I know it's not necessarily the best interest wise, but it made an element of my financial plans fun. I sometimes win a few quid - £1,250 on one occasion!! It's given me an element of excitement rather than doom about money.

I also worry about money and we have a fairly decent disposable income. I am not that good on spending money on myself. This is probably because I grew up on the breadline and my dad was self-employed so there were some really lean months, then I was a student for several years living off next to nothing.

That’s a really interesting point you make; we’re in that mid-point position too & I also feel that guilt. We’ve worked hard to get to a “comfortable” situation (not rich!) but I often struggle to enjoy it.
There’s also an element on MN that is very much against any sort of mild success; you only have to scroll through some of the threads to see “middle class” and “virtue signalling” if you say anything positive about your life.

I’m a bit like this.

I had to wean myself off of it! Instead of twice daily checking (am and pm), I would do once daily, then every other day. Now I keep a list of spends and only check that my account matches my calculations when something goes out (I do this for my bills account and spending account although I know that both have enough to cover the month). I’ve got a long way to go before I stop checking but it’s progress!

I'm not moaning or trying to suggest you are wrong to keep an eye on your finances, but for comparison, I've got £500 to last until the 27th Nov and that has to cover food, petrol and any other expenses that come up. Being mindful of money is good, but I don't think you need to be stressing about it.

I’m the same. I have savings I don’t want to spend, the minute I bought something, I book an extra shift to more than pay for it.

I get paid in an account, which is the feeder. The mortgage gets paid from it, then £500 goes for the bills (DD) to another account. Then another £500 goes into Monzo, for food and miscellaneous. I have regular savers.

I struggle with spending it. I know. So I gave myself goals. I have, like you, several years worth of bills in savings.
But the rest…what if I need it?

2026’s project is the bathroom. I need new cabinets, only the big flush works, there is mould on the silicone around the tub and I need a mirror with a proper light. And the tub is a stupid shallow one, so I’m changing that. £2500 for that, I saved it all this year.
HTH.

Then it does sound like you have developed a compulsion around it and might need help to change your thinking.
Honestly, the best thing would probably be to uninstall the app on your phone and only have access via the computer or something similar and only check once a week, but it might also be time to ask for help. It’s completely understandable to get into habits of thinking conditioned by the the things you have been through. As I said, it took me ten years (and that was pre-online banking), so if you can shorten that time through counselling, definitely do so!

I think it is normal to be aware of pay day and of how much you have in your accounts even if you are comfortable- it’s not fundamentally wrong or defective - it’s ok until it causes you problems

Usually you are anxious about something else and are focusing it on this.

Was the divorce amicable? I'm thinking maybe your ex tried to take money from you and that has made you hyper cautious?

Sounds like you might need counselling because that's not normal, if you're as comfortable as you describe, why would you even notice or think about pay day any more? You're not going to run out of money and don't need to wait to buy things, so you stop noticing it after a while.

Are there things you want to buy, is it an urge to spend but you don't know on what, or something else?

Do you still have a mortgage and what's your pension like? Could you use some of the money for those so it's not visible but put to good use?

Could you separate your money into different accounts or pots?

One for regular bills, fed by an appropriate amount of money each month - no need to look at it, just let it run itself.

Savings for different things, fed by standing orders and otherwise left alone.

An account for food, travel and other essentials, fed by a monthly or weekly standing order (or a credit card that is paid off in full from your bills account).

Finally, a 'spending' account, which is the only one you really need to pay any attention to, fed by a monthly amount for day to day spending, treats etc, to be used on a 'when it's gone, it's gone' basis.

Would learning more about money help? The financial flow chart is a good place to start as it's a 'money to do list'. So if you could see that you're in a good place, then you might worry less?

https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/

OP. I only have £100 in my current account all month and that stays untouched in case of emergency. All my money is in savings and all my spending (mindful) is on a credit card that is paid (in full) out of a bills account. I have a SO to tfr from savings to bills every month.

It took some getting used to but I now get to see my savings rise instead of worrying about outgoings. I tend to keep my CC bill the same every month which is essentially the same thing as spending from the current account.