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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner should be paying more

139 replies

Supermom24 · 31/10/2025 07:09

My partner works full time and I get less than a part time wage, he earns a decent wage!
we have a mortgage, 3 DC, 3 dogs, I do all the school runs, house chores, look after dc3 full time and the others when not at school. He pays the mortgage, and I pay everything else and I mean everything that comes with a house, kids and dogs that isn’t a mortgage. I’ve got nothing at the end of every month, every time I bring it up in conversation I get told that’s real life and that’s what comes with it. I’m not saying I don’t want to pay for anything but I have nothing left at the end of every month whilst he’s got at least double my wages to spend on himself. AIBU?

OP posts:
WearyCat · 31/10/2025 07:22

This is a form of financial abuse, and given that he’s happy to see you with nothing while he has a lot, I’m going to ask what other forms of abuse are happening? Almost certainly emotional; probably coercive control; this is not a good or safe place to be, @Supermom24

Are you in the UK?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 31/10/2025 07:22

Supermom24 · 31/10/2025 07:16

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions worst case £1500

Show quote history

And what’s his justification for this, when you’re left with nothing? As ‘I get told that’s real life and that’s what comes with it’ isn’t a justification.

Ideally, you’d pool your money, but this man isn’t going to do that. So, work out total outgoings for your household (mortgage, bills, kids’ stuff), split that amount proportionately according to your incomes. That’s how much he should be contributing. If he refuses, insist that he tell you why.

I’d also think long and hard about how you came to have multiple children with someone who treats you like this. Whilst not even being married, so you’re not protected if and when it all goes to pot.

Original poster
Supermom24 · 31/10/2025 07:21

rwalker · 31/10/2025 07:16

Without figures it’s pointless even trying to to say if it’s fair

@rwalker between £3000/£3800 depending on the month, vs my £800. Mortgage £1000

OP posts:
Agix · 31/10/2025 07:19

He's taking the absolute piss.

Meadowfinch · 31/10/2025 07:18

Put some money aside for yourself in a separate account when you get paid.

Then downgrade the food you buy. Include a couple of veggie meals each week. Cut out alcohol and anything he specifically likes. Stop using fabric conditioner. Turn the thermostat down a couple of degrees. Don't fill the car up with fuel.

When he moans, tell him bills are rising and you can't afford those things anymore. That he needs to contribute to the household bills.

Stop being such a push over ! He's being a selfish git so fight back !

Original poster
Supermom24 · 31/10/2025 07:17

Partridgewell · 31/10/2025 07:15

You live together, have children and dogs. Your income should be shared. I assume you're part-time because you're looking after his children?

@Partridgewell yes exactly that

OP posts:
Original poster
Supermom24 · 31/10/2025 07:16

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 31/10/2025 07:12

I cannot understand married people, with children not sharing money. How much does he have left at the end of the month?

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions worst case £1500

OP posts:
rwalker · 31/10/2025 07:16

Without figures it’s pointless even trying to to say if it’s fair

Partridgewell · 31/10/2025 07:15

You live together, have children and dogs. Your income should be shared. I assume you're part-time because you're looking after his children?

ShenandoahRiver · 31/10/2025 07:15

Why do you even have to ask if you are being unreasonable? You know you aren’t. This is financial abuse.

tripleginandtonic · 31/10/2025 07:14

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 31/10/2025 07:12

I cannot understand married people, with children not sharing money. How much does he have left at the end of the month?

She's not married, she says partner

Doggymummar · 31/10/2025 07:14

It's unpopular, but i don't agree with paying in proportion. We have and always will split 50 50 and my partner earns 4 x what i earn. BUT we split everything this way. So housework gardening etc. I would sit down and work it all, out and see if things are fair. Every year I do a spreadsheet of al, our expenses and tell him what he needs to put in the account. He has masses of savings and I dont, but I dont see why he should subsidise me.

Moonnstars · 31/10/2025 07:13

Why isn't money is your household shared? Both of you need to put your salaries into a shared pot, or at least enough to cover everything in the household.
Have you always done it this way? Maybe once this worked out fair but once you had children you needed to start looking at finances more carefully.
Is the mortgage in both names? Little concerned that is the one thing he wants to pay for (could he use this against you in the future and say you never paid the mortgage?).

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 31/10/2025 07:12

I cannot understand married people, with children not sharing money. How much does he have left at the end of the month?