To think my partner should be paying more

Stop doing everything

Seriously, tell him, kids need picking up from school, stop cooking, cleaning all of it. Just stop

I think you need to back to work full time, split household chores and childcare between both- if he disagrees maybe time to split

Have you actually put everything down on a spreadsheet or a bit of paper and he's read it, sorry if I've missed it.
(I know that he should know, and you shouldn't have to do it, but sometimes you need cold hard numbers in front of someone)

@Coconutter24- did you miss the op detailing that she does all the housework and childcare?

Well it all depends. I know people paying that just to house themselves. It's actually quite a small mortgage by the standards of some areas of the country and he has plenty left over after so he can clearly cover it comfortably.

If she is paying £800 towards costs with nothing left over, and he's paying £1,000 with £1,500 left over, how is she not subsidising the costs of his children?

You know with couples like this, it often ends up that he has a comfortable retirement while she is skint, due to wildly different pension contributions.

This is not a partnership; it is exploitation.

Let's give him a clap then. 👏

In what way is Op subsidising him? She’s paying a share of the costs involved with life. He doesn’t get to have a family for free, he pays the £1000 mortgage to house that family

It does sound like they are 50/50 (ish). Her partner pays the mortgage of £1000, OP says she pays for everything else but only earns £800 a month. So by the figures OP has given he’s paying slightly more each month. They are just not left with equal amounts of personal spendings, which is why OP needs to have a chat about her working more to earn more money

If you are reading these op and thinking ‘oh I couldn’t say that’ or ‘he’ll go mad’ , then please understand that these are normal conversations in partnerships of two people who consider themselves equal. And the suggestions are simply fair and standard, not anything outrageous.

Tell him he has two choices, rearrange finances so you both have equal personal spending money after all joint bills and savings paid or you go back to work full time and everything at home is split 50/50.

He's currently having his cake and eating it (loads of personal spending money, all the house and child needs taken care of) without him doing any of it or contributing to your free labour. That needs to stop.

If the OP is paying more than proportionally to her income, she's subsidising him, not the other way round. He basically gets to have a family for free. He might not even have a smaller mortgage living alone!

I would be sharing out the housework and kid related stuff fairly and making the point that having to cook and clean is real life and you can’t do it all. Use this fairer division of labour to up your work hours and build your own financial independence. I personally don’t think a higher earner should subsidise a lower earner to a great extent but I also believe that grown men should look after themselves.

Put it all in a spreadsheet - every penny in and out. There are some websites that will help: I often see "You Need a Budget" recommended on here.

Note hours of work too (including the unpaid work).

Sit down and speak to your partner about it. Make him justify why he thinks he should be subsidised by the lower earner, both in time and money.

How's he feel about the dog? Can you hand over all dog costs, at least, and make him pay for an online grocery shop each week?

The spreadsheet will come in useful when you split, which you will have to, as why would you want to stay with someone so selfish?

Work on your own earning power too.

Once the essentials are paid uou agree between you how much to save and then split the rest in half

of course he is wrong

if you left him with the kids, you could get a better job and have more money and he would be stuffed

Are you names on the title deeds for the mortgaged property? If not, then this is definitely financial abuse. You’d be better off leaving him, claiming CMS and UC to cover rent on another property, which you would be able to do on your salary.

Have you got children?

It doesn’t sound like they’re 50/50 at all - he pays the mortgage, and she pays for everything else.

Why should she be solely responsible for their three children and other joint household expenses?

Are you working at the moment?

What does he say if you point out you have much less money as you’re not able to work full time? Suggest working full time and using childcare and splitting all households tasks evenly.

Regardless though you need to make a plan to leave.l him, he sounds nasty at best.

I would start by having a conversation about childcare and school runs etc because your going to be upping your hours to earn more money because you can’t continue to struggle each month

all the money should be pooled together, so the £1500 he has leftover shouldn’t be his money its the household money, i never understood partners that split their money, you are PARTNERS, meaning everything is equal, if its not equal than he isn’t your partner he is just someone who lives with you and takes advantage xx

Is the house/mortgage in joint names? If not, run for the hills.

I’m glad you posted op, so have learnt that none of this is remotely acceptable.
aside from the financial abuse, it says a lot about what he feels about you, he knows you’re exhausted and have no money, and yet is happy to sit there with his thousands of pounds.

do you think it’s just because he’s thick? If he is, then maybe when he says ‘thats real life’ say ‘well how much do you have left as we should have equal disposable income after bills are paid’

or, do you want to leave the relationship? You’d be happier it sounds like, and it’s not like he’s bringing anything to this. You’d get child maintenance which would be there or thereabouts that mortgage payment.

this is financial abuse. I would not be with him. He will have to pay maintenance for the DC and you will get UC too.

How old are the DC, how many hours do you work. £800 suggests very few hours. Can you increase that?

Also, in whose name is the house/mortgage seeing that you are not married. Please don't tell us it's only his house.