To think my partner should be paying more

But that’s just ludicrous. He may as well just disown one of his children because cost of living and now it’s too expensive for all of them, he doesn’t just get to opt out of paying because prices have gone up and he doesn’t like it. He’s the one that needs a wake up call to real life. What a dick.

Sit down with sheet of paper and write down every single expenditure from last month.
Id also include savings for things like school clothes, shoes, birthday and Xmas presents

If you like spreadsheet try https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Show dp this and ask him how its fair.

Go back to work and split the childcare costs and chores and start building your savings and your career. You sacrificing yourself for a inconsiderate partner and still working part-time ffs

Why do you accept that ? Tell him to pay more

Don’t pay for it. Tell him you can’t. What is the worst that will happen? If you shop for the household, don’t buy luxuries for him (beer, snacks etc) and tell him why.

No I didn’t miss that part, hence why in one of my comments I suggested a conversation with her partner

No one said anything remotely like that did they

I put that you’re being unreasonable because you are being totally unreasonable to yourself and your children by allowing this arrangement to continue.

You are using all your money on stuff that is used up or eaten. He is using his money to pay for an asset that he owns (unless you are joint owners of the house on the deeds?).

Unless you are named as an owner on the deeds, you and your kids are paying towards an asset you’ll never own. I would change the arrangements as soon as possible.

@Supermom24 love that he says ‘this is real life and I cant pay for everything’ - that should be YOUR line to him!
As a pp said, buy nothing for him. After all, you can’t pay for everything!

Well you're living with someone who doesn't appear to value you.

What do you want to do about it?

None of this makes sense unless he somehow sees the children as only your financial responsibility. Does he?

You refer to him as your partner yet you have 3 children and work pt, why would you agree to this setup unmarried? Your money should be pooled and he should be topping up your pension if your reason for working only pt is to look after your children. No one should be paying anything, money should go into a shared account where all bills etc are paid, if you still wanted to have your own money you both have a separate account where you each have the same amount deposited each month that you can spend/save as you wish.

100% this.

I think he is safeguarding his assets. How did you buy the house? You can check online if joint tenants or tenants in common.

I assume he has a pension whereas yours will be limited? Look to the future is he likely to share his pension with you? Unlikely which means you will be working until 68 and managing on the state pension only.

What a selfish git!

I would want to know that OP had seen the documents herself

You wouldn’t be on the mortgage unless you were a legal owner unless you were a guarantor or something. She means she co-owns the house.

Wow what a wanker.

She's not married, she says partner

Maybe but there's a mortgage, kids and dogs involved.

If it was just bf/gf set up living separately then fair enough but its unfair when you are living as a family.
How is it fair when op has nothing left for herself and he has loads.

Over the years I have earned loads and dh has been either unemployed or just setting up his business. Now his business is very successful and established and is making more money than I ever will, I am about to go part time. However neither of us has let the other have no money. We have always had each other's back and not done either a split such as mortgage v every other bill or ( as ive seen in some couple) 'i paid for a meal out last time, you have to pay for it this time'

We both have access to the household money and have savings and pensions.
Sometimes there wasnt very much money but we both had access to not very much!! Lol 😆

Op your op sounds bloody awful telling you 'thats real life' when he has loads for himself.

Being on the mortgage isn't the most important thing, it's being on the deeds. Are you? You could check with land registry.

He must be piling up savings while you have none. Tell him you will need to go back to work full time.

Just say you’re going back to work full time and he’ll need to pay and do half of everything. Here’s the list choose 50% of it.
wanker.

I don’t really get why people don’t pool money when they have kids. I earn much more than my DH, I don’t expect him to have separate money with nothing left at the end of the month, it goes into one pot.

I don't think I would be able to stay with someone who was so selfish. I know it's really easy to say but not so easy when it's your life.

List everything you spend each month and give it to him and ask him how he thinks you can live off this amount each month. Personally I would give him beans on toast for dinner a few times and say that’s all you can afford. My one dog alone costs £150 each month, just food and insurance.

I’d make a spreadsheet listing all the outgoings, with columns for your income and his income and what you each have left over after paying mortgage (him) and bills/everything else (you). Get it down to the last detail, so eg if each kid has a new coat at cost of £30 each year, that’s £90/12 =£7.50 a month cost for you.

Ask for a time to sit down and discuss finances when kids are in bed/at school. Go through this with him and tell him you are concerned that you have no savings in your name while he has plenty, you can’t afford to make decent pension provision for yourself, and you are providing childcare and “keeping the house going” services by working part time. You’d like a fairer division of financial contribution. This could come via him agreeing to contribute more to household finances, enabling you to provide for your future through savings/pension, or alternatively you could work more days, which will require him to do more of the drop-offs, pick-ups, sick days and school holiday childcare. One of these outcomes MUST occur and you’d like to discuss with him how you’d both like your family life to work and come to an agreement.

He can’t say no to both, and if he does, then you will know that he doesn’t care about you or your future and you can then evaluate your position accordingly.

Bottom line: if this relationship ends, he will be financially secure and you won’t. In that scenario you’d have to work more to provide for yourself, so if push comes to shove, that is what I’d do in your positions

Have you tried listing all of the expenses you jointly have and demonstrating that this set up is deeply inequitable? I’m very impressed that you can make £800 cover all the bills, food and multiple other expenses that life brings.

if he is spending say, 30% of his salary on those expenses and you are spending 100% of yours he must surely see how financially abusive that is?