Found old messages on fiancé’s phone

What is wrong lately with all these people snooping on phones? Don’t you understand the concept of privacy?
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You did something which is wrong so now you deal with the consequences on your own.
Don't embarrass yourself any further by bringing this up to your fiancé as you are fully aware that it would be insane to demand explanations for something that happened so long ago.

You deliberately went through six years. Of messages to find something to get upset about.

Are you sure you really want to marry him?

It doesn't matter if everyone thinks he's the bees knees. You don't have to search for an excuse to call it off.

It’s hard.. you were in the early stages of dating so it isn’t as bad, but it is awful to realise the man you’re with is a sleaze who does the whole sharing photos with the lads thing. It changes how you feel.

He’s got the whole of the internet at his disposal. He’s not going to be looking back through six years of old messages to find a tame picture he once saw of a woman in a bikini whenever he fancies a hand shandy, you know.

You didn’t check his phone.

You dug around in his messages when he’s given you no cause for suspicion.

Get assistance for your depression.
Until you do you’re driving your relationship off a Cliff all by yourself.

So you would delete things and make it obvious she went on his phone?

I can’t say I would be delighted but it was six years ago and you had only been together 3 months. Think you should let it go.

But I would be inclined to delete the messages so he can’t keep them in his wank bank.

I think if this was 6 years, 2 kids and one engagement away, and there's nothing else that has upset you, you should let it go.

6 years ago. Let it go.

Sounds like you don't trust him I cannot imagine how long it took to read 6 years worth of a group chat! Is he still sending pics and messages with a similar theme? I think when you were in a fairly new relationship its a different situation to 6 years in

Do you really never have any thoughts about how good another person looks? And that you find them attractive? All he's done is write them down to send to another person. I know why you feel uncomfortable, but I don't think he's done anything wrong in an objective sense. There's no suggestion he's cheated.

They're SIX years old.

Blow up your relationship if you are unable to reconcile the man, you describe as your soulmate, from the result of your snooping?

"but naturally (??) i cannot stop thinking about these messages now and feel hurt by it"!!!

That way madness lies @Mummymember

It’s a problem of your own making. You went back years to find these messages. You’ve invaded his privacy and didn’t like what you found? Well, there’s lesson there. If you’re unhappy it’s totally self-inflicted.

You shouldn't have looked through his phone, and it sounds like you did it for ages too.

I really don't understand why people do this. I mean, even if there's nothing to worry about and he's a decent guy, the only possible outcome is the end of the relationship at your hands - either because you get caught snooping which sends the clear signal that not only do you not trust him but he can't ever trust you again, or because you find something completely irrelevant to your current life that eats away at you until you can't bear it any more.

I know it's such a regular thing for people to do on here that it's essentially become normalised, but it's such an obvious act of deliberate and complete self-sabotage that I simply don't believe anybody when they say "I don't know what came over me".

You were in a new relationship - not even a relationship, just early days of dating. He was 6 years younger, and I don't know how old you are now but he was less mature. It's not a nice way to talk about women but god my friends and I had some not great conversations about gorgeous men back in the day.

You went out of your way to trawl through 6 years of messages until you found something you didn't like. This is largely on you. The question is why? Why do this to yourself?

Is he giving you bad vibes & that's why you looked through his phone? I can't fathom otherwise why you'd have done that.

You went back through SIX YEARS of group chats to find that? Good grief.

Honestly, I think if the only thing you found was him commenting to his mates that an acquaintance looked hot in a bikini, when you’d only just started dating, you probably don’t have much to worry about.

What would you gain from saying anything? If my partner told me he’d been through my phone and read six years’ worth of messages, I’d be absolutely furious with him.

Had anything piqued your suspicions? Often women who do this have noticed a change in his behaviour, appearance, conversation, habits, interests etc etc that trigger an 'investigation'. And they're often proved right. Is there a pattern?

If not, is there something else going on? Do you have mental health issues, other problems that drove you to do this? Is there a pattern?

You'd been together a few months. Neither of you had any idea if that was going to be permanent yet. We both (30 yrs+ in) were actively seeing several people when we started to get together, before settling down.

Was there anything more recently, or is this well in the past? Let it stay there.

These friends. Does he still hang round with them? Have they improved? Is he different when he's with them?

If their behaviour influences how he talks and behaves, they're influencing how he thinks.

If so, time for you build your influencing skills and have the conversations that express how you feel and ask for improvements.

Imagine for a minute that before you found the photos he said to you a few weeks ago:

“by the way back in the day I had a big crush on xxx (and the lads were all thinking she was hot) and I wasn’t sure we’d work out because I was punching to get you, but I’m glad you didn't dump me because I love you and I’m really happy”

Feel better now? It’s all in the mind. It’s years ago. I’d let it go. Having said that I’d not be happy if I caught them chatting alone in the kitchen at a party, I’d not trust him in those circs in case he was chatting her up with a view to a tumble…..

Who knows what he was thinking but I’d suspect it was just bluff and bluster for the guys to think hes cool. They aren’t really respecting her though. Just talking like shes an object. So they may respect you more.

When are people going to understand that it's a Criminal Offence to access someone's phone without their consent.

You have issues, why on earth do you want to marry someone you dont trust, is it attention seeking a competition? What is it?

I echo other posters, why are you marrying someone you obviously don't trust?

Absolutely mad that you scrolled back through 6 years worth of messages.